why can't I do it?! (moms of 2)

megntom07 · April 2011

I am so frustrated. I DREAD the evenings 4 days out of the week. DH doesn't get home on those 4 days until after the boys are asleep and he doesn't work the same days every week so I can NOT for the life of me get the boys into a nightly routine. I know they would probably thrive better with a routine and it would help my stress level at night. So moms of 2, how long did it take you to get into a routine at night w/ the kids? H naps at almost the same time every day, L does not. L also isn't on an eating schedule yet. He eats every 4 hrs except at night where he normally does a 5-7 hour stretch, but he doesn't eat at the same time every day so it makes it hard to put him to bed (aka the swing) at the same time every night.

DH has a 5 day weekend at the end of the month and we are going to try to switch H into his big boy bed and I'm hoping we can establish a schedule for them. Do you think 5 nights in a row of the same routine is a good length so that when DH goes back to work they will "know" the routine and I can do it on my own those nights as long as I stick to it? (I hope that made sense)

Ttimes3 · April 2011

What hours does your H work? Could you push bedtime back a bit, so that he could help? I would sooner gouge both of my eyeballs out with a dull spoon than get two [very young] children ready for bed by myself on a regular basis.

warriormomerin · April 2011

Mine were further apart in age than yours, but it seemed like we finally got into a great nighttime routine when DS hit about 6 months. Consistency really seemed to be the key. Three years later, we still have pretty much the same routine and they're still in bed at 8 each night. Hang in there!

bellevuebride07 · April 2011

This is how I do it, granted I don't have to do it by myself very often.

At 715ish we all go upstairs. I get Leo in the bath while Max is in the bathroom with us in the RnP. (Max only gets a bath with there are two of us home). I get L lotioned and jammied and then he reads books ( he refuses to let us read to him) and plays in his room while I nurse M. Max is usually laying in L's crib while I get Leo ready. He likes to look at the lighty/music thing. Then we all say night, Leo kiss/headbutts Max and I put him down by 8.

This is obviously all contingent on Max being content with hanging out while I attend to Leo. He usually is ok with it b/c there is so much activity going on around him and the whole process doesn't take that long.

I think 5 nights would be a good start on a routine. At least it would let you figure out exactly what you are going to do and when.

Good Luck!

megntom07 · April 2011

He leaves for work at 11am and doesn't usually get home until 11pm (this week it's been 11:30) so pushing bedtime back is a no go

H has developed some horrid bedtime habits bc this so by the end of the day I am just over it and I go into survival mode and do whatever I have to do to get him settled down. It has gotten a little better since L started the new meds. We aren't dealing w/ a 2 hour crying fit at night anymore!

bellevuebride07 · April 2011

P.S you can do it, you are an awesome mom!

Also, I think you should try starting the whole bedtime routine by 7ish. The earlier Leo goes to bed the better. Also starting earlier might give you more energy to stick with it and keep you out of that "im at my wits end" stage.

megntom07 · April 2011

warrior*mom:
Mine were further apart in age than yours, but it seemed like we finally got into a great nighttime routine when DS hit about 6 months. Consistency really seemed to be the key. Three years later, we still have pretty much the same routine and they're still in bed at 8 each night. Hang in there!

6 months?! I think I can handle 3 more of this!

We did really well with consistency for Hunter and we had a nice thing going and then BAM, L makes his entrance and you would never know we had any type of routine at all! I feel bad for H bc the habits he has are bc we let him get away with it and to break him of them is going to break my heart bc I know it's going to come w/ MANY tears!

megntom07 · April 2011

bellevuebride07:
This is how I do it, granted I don't have to do it by myself very often.
At 715ish we all go upstairs. I get Leo in the bath while Max is in the bathroom with us in the RnP. (Max only gets a bath with there are two of us home). I get L lotioned and jammied and then he reads books ( he refuses to let us read to him) and plays in his room while I nurse M. Max is usually laying in L's crib while I get Leo ready. He likes to look at the lighty/music thing. Then we all say night, Leo kiss/headbutts Max and I put him down by 8.
This is obviously all contingent on Max being content with hanging out while I attend to Leo. He usually is ok with it b/c there is so much activity going on around him and the whole process doesn't take that long.
I think 5 nights would be a good start on a routine. At least it would let you figure out exactly what you are going to do and when.
Good Luck!

I know L has been a huge factor in why it has been so hard to get a routine, he was not content ANYWHERE! He's doing better so I'm hoping it will make a routine a tad easier!

Oh dear God, I would cry happy tears if Hunter was in bed by 8! I'm a happy momma if he's asleep by 10 anymore

Hunter's bad habit started about 3 days after we got home from the hospital--he realized that we were putting him in bed and L was staying downstairs with us and that didn't go over well. It led to many tears and even though we tried to make him CIO he was making himself sick so we started letting him fall asleep on the couch. He has done that for the past 3 months up until last week when I let him come up to bed with me and now he wants to come up to bed with me and fall asleep and DH carries him to his crib when he gets home. I know it's our/my fault for letting him get to this point, but I NEED him to start going to bed normally again. I get NO me time bc one of them is ALWAYS attached to me.

IAM4UK · April 2011

This is my routine. Granted, DH helps, but I have done it myself several time already.

5pm: Get home from work and start cooking dinner. Katie watches a movie and the twins are in their swings.

5:30pm: Dinner is ready and we all eat at the dinner table. Twins stay in their swings.

6pm: Tandem feed twins while Katie is either playing outside on the secured back deck or playing around the house while I tend to the twins. Usually done feeding around 6:45pm

7:30pm: Begin bathtime for Katie. Twins come into the bathroom with us in a bouncer, playmat, bumbo, boppy, etc.

8pm: Katie is in bed, washed, hair blow dried, and pjs on.

8:15pm: Start bathtime routine for the twins. Abby always goes first. Get her washed while Emily stays in the swing. Abby finishes and goes back to her swing. Emily's bath starts. Once they are all done, they are tandem fed again and then put to bed in their cribs.

I get my night back around 9:30pm where I then start to clean the kitchen, pack the bags for the next day, and I'm in bed by at least 10:30pm every night.

Now on the days that DH is home and there helping, the routine goes by quicker and I can get things done usually around 8:30pm. Things can be combined. For example while Katie is being bathed by DH, I can begin bathing the twins in the sink, etc.

Sticking with and keeping a routine keeps me sane. Now when the girls outgrow their swings, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. But a routine will develop and we will stick with it.

There are days that go awry or just don't happen like that, but we just roll with the punches and take it one hour at a time. It's all you can do.

JenRose05 · April 2011

i would start getting L ready at 7pm. and in to bed by 730 or 745. i couldnt get Nathan on a night schedule until i started doing things much earlier. i had no idea because Ben always started his night routine at 730 or later and was in bed by 8 or 830. Hope that helps!

KYmama9286 · April 2011

I dont really have any suggestions but I just wanted to say ((hugs)). DH is not home to help w/ bedtime about 4-5 days a week and its exhausting with just one kid. I honestly dont know how single parents do it because come about 6pm I am spent and ready for a break. All I can say is write down what works for you so that in about a year I can ask you how to do it and you will have it all worked out Cool

allobosc · April 2011

No real help here either. Alex has pushed his bedtime back to about 9ish which I'm not happy about, but there is no arguing, it is just kinda how things went. Cam is in bed by 8:30 usually, he's been clock work with his schedule for the most part which helps immensely. I've been trying to start the routine earlier for myself to get Alex in bed by 8:30 too. Once I go back to work I'm going to need that extra hour at night to get my work done.

AngRx · April 2011

Meaghan--first---HUGS!

No advice here but just stay strong. When I see T at work I know he feels bad that you are so stressed out. I keep telling him I need to come take H for the afternoon to give you a break. I promise--soon!

DH is gone 3 nights a week and honestly I like the routine N and I have. She gets in bed earlier. DH just goes through the motions and she gets upset and wont go to bed calmly like she does with me. I do know the earlier the better.

megntom07 · April 2011

Ladies, thank you so much for your input! I really hope we can get something worked out for us and stick to it. I'm hoping a night time routine will help our days to fall into place and make it easier on everyone. I generally feel like a prisoner to the house bc one kid is always needing to nap and unfortunately for us if L does fall asleep in the car on the way to somewhere once we get to our destination he's awake. L and catnaps make for an unbearable cranky baby after an hour or so.

cat81305 · April 2011

HUGS!!! I am so sorry you have so much stress and little help due to your husbands job! I personally would make bath time in the mornings honestly when you have his help. I know there will be days when they will be outside and getting sweaty and dirty and they will need a bath at night but maybe night baths won't work for you all. Just a suggestion! Also, I would start bedtime routine around 7 also and put L in the bouncer, swing, anything so that you can enjoy H for a few minutes. We always had K in the bathroom with us and she always got a bath with A even as an infant. We got into a rountine early on! I was going to get these kids to sleep at the same time no matter what, LOL! A's nap got a earlier in the beginning and now they both nap around 1 or later and have been since K was about 1. I just keep them busy and occupied. Also, at bedtime, when K was younger I would nurse her in A's room while reading him a book and then I would lay him down and then her. Now we lay her down and spend a few more minutes with A before he has to go to bed. A is being laid down now around 8p b/c he hasn't been falling asleep until 10p but he stays in his room and reads, sings, and talks to himself. I hope things get better Meaghan! I feel so bad for you at times but I know you can do this!!! Tell DH to give you a ME day to refresh and start with a new outlook

I know you have had rough start but you can do it! You are an awesome mommy!!!!! Hang in there!!!

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