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October 2011 Moms
jonnygurl76
member
"Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight." - Johnny Cash
things no one tells you....(kinda long)
jonnygurl76
member
i keep reading here and on the tri boards...."how come no one tells you these things?" well....what do you want to know? the real, ugly truth? LOL.
2nd time moms feel free to add whatever i forget or didn't experience!!
here goes.....
~ your boobs will keep growing. all the way until the end. and then if you breastfeed they get even bigger, even if you think they can't possibly. they do. i have bras in at least 5 different sizes.
~ there will come a day when you won't be able to cross your legs. your belly won't let you. and you will sit there and keep trying because you could do it just the day before.
~ then the day will come that you won't be able to shave. down there. well, you can shave but you can't see what you are shaving. good luck.
~ your belly is going to get really heavy. kind of like carrying a bowling ball around but it is strapped to your stomach. i was not prepared for the weight of it...i wished i had practiced carrying around a watermelon to prepare myself.
~ breastfeeding does not always = weight loss. i didn't start to lose the baby weight until DD dropped a feeding. my body held the weight and i still needed to eat all of the time because BFing made me hungry and VERY thirsty. i basically was a beast with food and water for 18 straight months until it calmed down.
~ some of you will drop the weight immediately. maybe even drop below your pre preg. weight. but your clothes still won't fit. your body will be completely re-shaped. this is the reason for mom jeans. you don't lose your sense of style, you lose your figure and nothing else fits.
~ birth plans are great. but be prepared to toss it out the window if needed. i wanted an all natural birth and ended up having a c section because DD was transverse. baby and mama's health is the most important thing, don't lose sight of that fact.
~ most important of all....your entire life will change. even if you think you are prepared for this new little life. you aren't. your baby will take your breath away and your heart will never, ever be the same.
"Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight." - Johnny Cash
This discussion has been closed.
Re: things no one tells you....(kinda long)
great post.
thanks for that.
And keep in mind that not everyone experiences pregnancy the same way so if someone tells you something sucky happened (like some of the things above) and it didn't happen to you there's nothing wrong with that. And there is also nothing wrong with happening to you and no one else you know.
Also, you will pee your pants, at least once and at least a little bit. That happens to everyone and anyone who says it didn't is lying lol.
For some reason, this post brings to mind this one:
https://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/5496205.aspx
Things I dealt with:
-false information from everyone! from roughing up your nixrctypples to prepare for nursing to using alcohol on the umbilical cord.
- all of the different ways that you can help induce labour - most of the will not work and have been proven unsafe. Ones that HAVE been proven to work are nipple stimulation, sex, and a massage just above your ankles.
-red raspberry leaf tea does nothing to induce labour. NOTHING. What studies have shown is that it will help tone your uterine muscles and make contractions more effective (more painful, really). Also, when in labour and drinking it, it can actually make contractions slow down.
- everyone is different. if you compare yourself to others you will be a) disappointed or b) smug.
-ppd is a real thing. talk to someone about it.
-spouses do crazy things in the delivery room. mine slept through almost the whole thing. Though He did help you get in to this mess, it takes two to tango.
that's what I remember.
For some breastfeeding isn't easy. Sometimes it just doesn't work no matter how hard you try, there is nothing wrong with formula.
As soon as you get settled/used to what is going on with baby it will change.
Take a lot of pictures the first 3-4 months -- babies change FAST and you're so tired that it all turns into a blur.
that post is great!!!! it is all true. but different things happen to different people. i was prepared to poop on the table and then had a c section! and your teeth and gums do get funky...i had a friend tell me that for every child she lost a tooth.
she has 3 kids.
-You will pee all the time; when you laugh, sneeze, stand up, etc.
-After you give birth (I had a C-section after a very long labor), the first time you stand up blood may gush from you. For me, it went all down my legs, all over my slippers, and the floor
Never heard about that, but thankfully the nurses kept telling me it was normal and they had someone come and mop it up by the time I got out the bathroom
- Also after birth, my body retained fluids like crazy. My legs have never been so gigantic.
- Breastfeeding like the OP had me keep my weight on. I had to eat/drink like crazy to keep my supply up. Whenever my weight would dip a little, my supply would crash. I kept the perspective that I have the rest of my life to worry about my figure, so I can take this year and focus on feeding my baby.
-I've given up hope for wearing an actual cup size bra for pregnancy/breastfeeding. My gigantic boobs fluctuate size like crazy, so unless the bra is sized S,M,L,XL and extremely stretchy, I can't wear it.
-During your 3rd trimester, cook like crazy and freeze meals for once baby arrives. It's so nice to take a meal out of the freezer that just needs to be baked/reheated when you're too tired to think about cooking- or grocery shopping.
-Make plans, but not expectations. Like OP said, plans can change. The last thing you need to feel is disappointment when you could be focusing on how wonderful your baby is.
-This is really gross, but constipation sucks, and I passed some bricks that even a plunger couldn't budge. While I would cry because I was so embarrassed, my sweet husband would take care of it. This also happened while visiting one of my best friends. It was totally humiliating.
I also want to add, not to stress about what you think will happen in the delivery room. Yes you will probably poop on the table and yes DH is going to see parts of you that you never imagined he would in that way, but that is part of it. There are so many other things to stress about, don't worry about that stuff. The nurses see ALL KINDS OF STUFF, so you dropping a deuce on the table is been there, done that for them.
And don't be afraid to ask for what you need. I was in severe pain (DD was on my sciatic nerve my whole labor) and it was taking me a long time to progress. I was still only 3.5 cm dilated, and the doc wanted me to wait until 4 cm before giving me an epi. My nurse was wonderful and asked me when the doc wasn't there if I wanted the epi, when I said yes, she got the doc to give it to me. They are there for you, so don't be afraid to ask for what you need.
And lastly, enjoy the first night with your baby. That is the memory that I cherish most. Just looking down at her and realizing what we had both just been though was amazing.
Baby #2 - D&E - 10/1/10 @ 19w2d - thanatophoric dysplasia confirmed.
Charlotte Lillian will be forever in our hearts.
Baby #3 - Little Bean - natural miscarriage - 1/17/11 @ 5w5d
Sleep
Nothing prepares you for the sleep deprivation. You are tired now and will get more tired and cranky in the final weeks but NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING prepares you for the foggy haze of exhaustion that first month.
omg. THIS.
Some funky things go on "down there" during pregnancy. Purple, puffy labia are no joke for some people. And funky discharge. And the further along you get, the funkier it can get. I wanted to buy stock in Stayfree.
Never peed myself with the first one, but watch out if you get pregnant again...you WILL pee yourself the 2nd time. So far, it has mostly happened to me when vomiting. Charming.
- I felt like no one REALLY told me exactly HOW hard breastfeeding is in the first few weeks. At least for me, it was SOOOO much harder than I ever imagined possible. Thankfully, ultimately I was successful, but it was ROUGH, dude.
- I agree with all the PP's about sleep deprivation (you may have a terrible sleeper, like me, or a great sleeper, like others, it is totally random) and about tearing....again, rough.
- The first time you pee after giving birth, it looks like a MURDER SCENE.
-The scale will go to a number you don't want to see. I gained 60lbs when pregnant with my son. It was very depressing. I gained 12lbs in one week, mostly water, I'm assuming.
- I tankfully lost all 60lbs of baby weight by 3mths post partum, due to breastfeeding. I normally have a VERY difficult time loosing weight.
- Breastfeeding was VER VERY painful for the first 6 weeks. After that, he wasn't eating as frequently, and I wasn't sore at all!
- Babies should not be awake for more than 2 hours at a time. This bit of advice saved us. We didn't know what we were doing and we made the first 4 months a lot harder on ourselves then it needed to be. If babies get overtired, they have a harder time going and staying asleep.
- I loved the delivery. Yeah, it was painful but it was so AWESOME, too! I'm excited to do it again!
Right?? I was like, "Holy ***!!"
if i remember correctly, i called DH to the bathroom to help me back to the bed because i thought i was going to pass out from the sight of it and the blood loss. LOL.
Love it!
Thanks!!
I thought of another one.
You can loose your mucus plug more than once. I lost mine like 3 times. The first time was like 6 weeks before DS was born (or my due date). It regenerates itself, according to my OB anyway.
Ask for an ice pack for down there after labor to keep the swelling down. they put ice in a glove and tied it. i had this a few times. and i didn't have too much pain later.
Ask for stool softeners after labor...
everyone talks about pooping on the table, i didn't poop, i gushed amniotic fluid... all over a nurses's scrubs, - you should hear my dh talk about it...
This post is like a trainwreck that I can't look away from.
I've decided that I am going to be a speshul snowflake and have a perfect Disney princess birth experience.
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
You can get vericose veins down there. They hurt. IF you do get them, find maternity underwear and avoid jeans or cords or anything with a heavy crotch seam. Ice packs are your friend. Sex is not.
After the baby is born, after everyone leaves and it's just you, the baby, and your SO in the hospital room, you will want to sleep. But your mind races like 5000 miles an hour and you don't. If they offer to take the baby away so you can get some sleep, let them. Because once you get home, it won't happen.
This was my mantra just after we came home, "I just need to make it through the first 6 weeks. I just need to get through the first 6 weeks." It is the most tired you will ever be in your entire life. So when your mom/friend/MIL/milk man offers to look after the baby so you can sleep. LET THEM.
If you have a c-section and you are itchy afterwards, tell the nurses. The itch is from the spinal. It's torture. They will give you something that stops the itch right away.
You will cease to exist in the eyes of your SO as soon as your baby is born. Seriously I had to have the nurse tell my husband he couldn't show "his" baby to the family until I got to hold her.
Your name will no longer be your name. You are going to be Mom. That is your name. From the minute you go into labour and then for the rest of your life. It's a badge of honnour. Own it.
If you are going natural (i.e. don't have an epidural) when you get to the point that you feel like you REALLY need to poop....that is the baby about to make his/her debut. Tell your nurse, don't go to the bathroom!
Here's a bonus one for for moms who are having #2...it turns out every labor is different. I got cocky and thought I knew what I was in for with DS#2. The contractions were totally different. I really should have given myself a refresher just to make sure I really remembered what I was in for.
- With DD everything was hard. I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't pushing right because I felt like I had to poop and didn't know that was the baby.
- Wish my DS everything went so fast (induction). The midwife had me kneel and push to get my cervix to open up the last little bit it needed to. Well when I pushed I peed all over the bed. I was so embarrassed. Oh to top it off the minute I stood up I could feel him trying to make his debut. They had like 20 seconds to change the bedding. And I pushed a total of two times.
- They won't take the IV out of your arm until you go to the bathroom.
this just made me LAUGH.
Agreed... I am just going to be perfect
* I've heard horror stories and I've heard "perfect" stories and I can only offer my stories. I know that it wasn't rainbows, cupcakes and fairies but I had 2 pregnancies without an epidural and one with and I would recommend going without. I may have felt labor pains like no other but It was an in the moment type thing and I'd rather be in pain for 24 hours then to be in pain long after "recovery".
*Murder scene is a perfect desription of the delivery room and first visit to the bathroom.
*Ask for tucks pads if you aren't offered them. They are AMAZING!! And stock up on the netty undies and super enormous pads. You will NOT regret it.
*DH will see things that will haunt him for a while but he WILL get over it. With my DS#1, DH saw a large handed man check me with 2 fingers!! DH thought I'd never feel him again and said he'd never have sex again!! Lmao!! Look at us now on baby #4!!
*I was too shy/to myself to as DH first and even 2nd time around for any help with any personal stuff. He now offers to buy me feminine products and do WHATEVER he can to help me.
I personally recommend taking a pair of pj's or sweats (Dark colored of course) to wear after delivery. I found that the stretchy waist was comfortable enough for my waist and the bottoms held my pad and undies in place WAY better then if I stayed in the gown. Also, I wore a tank top with a built in bra while in the hospital and to BF. I wasn't trying to fight the nursing bra and a hungry crying baby. sometimes those things are too hard to figure out at first. I just stuck nursing pads right to my built in bra.
-THIS! I wish someone told me more about that. I had a very long and painful labor. They had given me a hospital gown that was three sizes too big. MY BF, BFF and mom were all with me. So basically all my parts just hung out for the world to see. (After giving birth all shame goes out the door lol) Anyways after I delivered all I wanted to do was put something on, The nurse was a total biotch and just said fine then you're on your own. So I thought I will show her and went to the bathroom with my own underwear and nightgown. Bad idea, I had an IV still so I had to figure out where to put it while I scrambled all around and blood gushed EVERYWHERE! I actually spent more time trying to wipe it up because I felt bad. I got my clothes on after I sat in there cried and my BF heard me so came to help. Which was not my sexiest moment!
-You will have a good amount of discharge. A lot of women have to wear panty liners.
-Even if you don't breast feed your boobs will leak for a long time. I thought I had dried up because I hadn't leaked in a while. I foolishly decided to take the pads out. At my family party I felt something drip and my mom says real loud " Hunny I think your boobs are leaking!" Thanks mom.
-Giving birth hurts don't let people fool you, but it's the most beautiful thing you will ever do.
This. Ohhhh this.
I didn't read the other posts...so I may say something someone already did.
--I wish someone had told me that my PPD was normal, and okay. I wish that more people talked about it, or at least talked about it WHILE I was going through it, not two years later. There is no shame in PPD, I wish someone had told me THAT.
--Take advantage of the nursery in the hospital. You don't have to be supermom right off the bat. There is no shame in letting the nurses help you. It may be the last good, I use that term loosely, sleep you have in a long time. Let you body have a night to start recovering from the shock birth puts it through.
I mean... good to know all of this, but this whole thread is totally terrifying.
The thing that made the most impact for me, was just being informed. Be informed about what kind of birth you want and how to acheive it, be informed about breastfeeding if it's important to you. You can't really have too much information about childbirth and breastfeeding. Everyone has a different story, and yours could be completely different than everyone else's but you'll have a better idea of what to expect. And that will make you less nervous!!
Everyone has already said most I would say. I will add/second a few.
If you have the chance, look in the mirror when they allow you. I didn't want to at first but they brought over the mirror when DD was crowning. It was pretty weird at the time but I am glad I saw. DH looked too and said he was scared for life but he got over it.
The Murder Scene - I was so not expecting this! Be prepared! It's bad! There will also be blood splatters on the delivery room floor.
Tucks pads are your friend! I had some pretty bad hemorrhoids after birth. Even the nurse commented, "Sweetie, you got some pretty big ones down there." Thanks lady!
I second bringing comfortable capris or pajama pants. They help hold the mesh panties, pad and ice pack in. It feels odd at first to have all that bulk on but it helps!
Also, take the pain meds on time! I was given alternating pain meds of high dose motrin and percocet. I thought at one point in the 1st or 2nd day I felt good an didn't need them. I was wrong. Once they wear off you will throb like nobody's business down there. I only did that once. It took a lot longer for the pain to go away. Also, Motrin worked better than the other.
Do your sitz baths every time. It helps heal you. I thought it was a pain sometimes but it does help.
ETA: Take advantage of the nursey. I know you want your baby with you every moment but you will get that when you get home. Sleep when you can, the nurse will bring the baby to you for feedings.
It sounds terrible and I am sure some of you are scared shiitless. It will all be such a blur and totally worth it!
TTC #2 since 4/09
Unexplained Secondary IF
*****************************
4 failed rounds of clomid ~ 4 failed IUIs ~ 1 m/c
2/3/11: IUI #5 - Femara/Follistim/Ovidrel/Crinone = BFP (2/14)!!!
Beta #1 (12dpiui): 53 Beta #2 (14dpiui): 203 Beta #3 (20dpiui): 3932 Beta #4 (28dpiui): 60,775
1st U/S (3/3): 2 sacs & yolks 2nd U/S (3/8) 2 heartbeats-TWINS!
Baby A:6w6d HR 131 Baby B:6w4d HR 124
TWINS!! EDD 10/25/2011
Burned by the Bear