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Single Parents
StrawberryAlarmClock
member
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DH to me: "Open your eyes. You did this."
StrawberryAlarmClock
member
I knew that addicts placed the blame on others but I don't think I was ready for this:
"Once again you are the victim. Open your eyes. You did this. I'm sorry but it's hard for me to feel bad for you. I would never have done that to you and you have plenty of faults, trust me"
What he's reacting to is finding an angry letter that I wrote and had no intention of giving him (it was a vent letter). It listed all of his faults (and there's a lot). And it said things like "you can either be a bachelor or a family man. However, if you choose to keep living like a bachelor, you need to do it somewhere else."
Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm posting this. I guess to hear from others and have you guys give me a little encouragement if you could, please. I'm really starting to believe him.
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Re: DH to me: "Open your eyes. You did this."
I have an exFI who does not take responsibility for anything and always blame others. Always. It's absolutely frustrating and it took a long time to realize it wasn't my fault.
I mean, I found concrete evidence that he was cheating on me and chatting with a lot of girls on the internet. And somehow it was my fault for snooping (which I ironically wasn't, I seriously stumbled on it) and for not being more affectionate, having more sex, my weight, etc, etc, etc.
I still have my moments of doubts, but in all honesty, it wasn't my fault. At least, not all of it.
Just like it's not yours. Just think, what are the chances that problems are 100% your fault. Seriously, I think it's adolescent to not take any responsibility in your actions.
It's not you. I promise.
Strawberry, I feel the time is right for some tough love with you.
You need to open your eyes, and you need to get out. You've been on the fence, living in limbo here for awhile. What more sign do you need, other than the fact that this man is placing the demise of your marriage, in it's entirety, on you? There's rarely (if ever) an instance where this is the case, and certainly not in YOUR case would it be completely YOUR fault.
He is an addict, and you are listening to the poison and lies that he spews, and acting accordingly. He's controlling you and manipulating you to the point where you don't even know your own mind. You are essentially being brainwashed.
Why are you continuing to let this happen?
Get into individual counseling. Read up on manipulative men and addicts:
"He's Just No Good for You: Your Guide to Getting out of a Destructive Relationship"
"The Manipulative Man"
"Why Does he do that: Inside the Minds of Angry, Controlling Men"
Read all of them. Tactic numero uno is twisting everything around on you, as he is doing. And as YOU are letting him.
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Beta #1: 4/1 - 51.5 Beta #2: 4/3 - 189 Beta #3: 4/6 - 778.9
AMH: 1.06 FSH: 10.7
DS: 11/2010 Clomid + HCG Trigger + IUI + Progesterone