March 2011 Moms

Oh MIL and your pathetic passive aggressiveness...

I don't like when people "hint" at things.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Today she called my phone and H answered it.  They spoke for maybe 2 minutes and that was it.  Then she sends me a text message that says "glad everyone is doing good".  Grammatically incorrect, but whatever.  I responded with "Thanks.  Me too.".  She then proceeded to say "My heart tells me to stop by every night but my head says no, lol".  I find this to be nothing to "LOL" about.  I responded with "DH says to follow your head".  I'm not going to give you an open pass to come to my home whenever you feel like it, so stop hinting around.  She then proceeded to ask if I wanted to buy salsa for SIL's school fundraiser.  I told her I would.  She wrote back with "Okay, I'll drop by sometime this week with the order form".  Ahhh, sneaky!  Then she asked me if we received one of the items we'd been waiting on for the nursery.  I told her we had and she said, "Oh, I never got to see it in person".  JUST STOP!  I'm not going to invite you over because you're hinting around.  If you want to come over, just ask.  I will not however respond with "Well, you're more than welcome to come over whenever you want to"...because guess what, she's not.
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Re: Oh MIL and your pathetic passive aggressiveness...

  • I have to laugh because I could totally see my own mom saying those same things. It drives DH nuts and now that I notice it, it drive me nuts too. My MIL wouldn't do this so I guess I'm lucky (although she has her own brand of frustrating). I'm just waiting for my mom to speak through our LO. For example, ((in a baby voice pretending she's DS)) "Oh mommy, I think I need a hat on to go outside" = get a hat for your son. I dread that day!

    I'm lucky my issue is with my mom because I can sort of tell her to knock it off. Can't say that to MIL. I'm impressed by your conviction! :) Good Luck!!

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  • imageMarchABC:

    I have to laugh because I could totally see my own mom saying those same things. It drives DH nuts and now that I notice it, it drive me nuts too. My MIL wouldn't do this so I guess I'm lucky (although she has her own brand of frustrating). I'm just waiting for my mom to speak through our LO. For example, ((in a baby voice pretending she's DS)) "Oh mommy, I think I need a hat on to go outside" = get a hat for your son. I dread that day!

    I'm lucky my issue is with my mom because I can sort of tell her to knock it off. Can't say that to MIL. I'm impressed by your conviction! :) Good Luck!!

    Ahh, MIL did the "talking through LO" to me the other day.  She came over and I had just got done changing his diaper and I had him wrapped up in a blanket.  She came in and said "Oh mommy, I'm probably cold with no clothes on".  He was sleeping.  And he was fine.  I wish it was my mom..then I'd have no problems telling her to buzz off! 

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  • My MIL would show up every day if she could, too. Last week she called me and asked if she could bring her sister (DH's aunt) over to meet the baby. Fine, DH's aunt hadn't met him yet, so I was okay with that. While they were over, MIL says, "so, FIL and I are going to bring dinner over tomorrow night." DH and I looked at eachother, like... did you know about this? But neither of us wanted to say anything in front of DH's aunt.

    So the next day MIL and FIL showed up with dinner and stayed for like 3 hours!! It was nice of them to make dinner for us but I can't stand how MIL basically tells us that she's coming over instead of asking... She also randomly showed up one day, completely unannounced, while my family was over... SO awkward.

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  • Seriously, you are my hero!!!

    I'm glad I don't have to worry about MIL ... she could come over every single night and it would be fine with me. Seriously, every time she comes over, she has delicious food, starts cleaning, and gets DH and BIL to do something around the house. But I do have other people in my life that are less welcome and also passive aggressive.. and I don't handle it as well as you do. I am impressed!

  • i think we need an obnoxious mil vent board. mine does the exact same thing. so pathetic and her passive agressiveness is relentless. last week she called dh asking him if she and fil could use our house to entertain their out of town guests. these are people we've never even met! so let me get this straight, not only do you want to not ask both of us (probably because she knew i'd tell her that she's crazy) but you want to also impose on your son's family when they just had a baby 5 weeks ago?? you're so awesome mil, really. 
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  • imageEmandChris08:

    My MIL would show up every day if she could, too. Last week she called me and asked if she could bring her sister (DH's aunt) over to meet the baby. Fine, DH's aunt hadn't met him yet, so I was okay with that. While they were over, MIL says, "so, FIL and I are going to bring dinner over tomorrow night." DH and I looked at eachother, like... did you know about this? But neither of us wanted to say anything in front of DH's aunt.

    So the next day MIL and FIL showed up with dinner and stayed for like 3 hours!! It was nice of them to make dinner for us but I can't stand how MIL basically tells us that she's coming over instead of asking... She also randomly showed up one day, completely unannounced, while my family was over... SO awkward.

    NOT okay!! 

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  • imagekge9602:
    i think we need an obnoxious mil vent board. mine does the exact same thing. so pathetic and her passive agressiveness is relentless. last week she called dh asking him if she and fil could use our house to entertain their out of town guests. these are people we've never even met! so let me get this straight, not only do you want to not ask both of us (probably because she knew i'd tell her that she's crazy) but you want to also impose on your son's family when they just had a baby 5 weeks ago?? you're so awesome mil, really. 

    Ahhh!  Does she not have a home of her own?  This makes no sense to me and I can't believe that they think you'd agree to that.  Crazy. 

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  • imageDina Lynn (Jesse's Girl):

    Seriously, you are my hero!!!

    I'm glad I don't have to worry about MIL ... she could come over every single night and it would be fine with me. Seriously, every time she comes over, she has delicious food, starts cleaning, and gets DH and BIL to do something around the house. But I do have other people in my life that are less welcome and also passive aggressive.. and I don't handle it as well as you do. I am impressed!

    See, if my MIL came over and behaved that way I'd be fine with it.  My problem is she comes over and hands out advice that I didn't ask for, purposely wakes LO up when he's sleeping so she can "see his eyes", and then doesn't know when to leave.  Congrats on having a nice MIL..and I'm sorry you have others that are passive aggressive..so obnoxious! 

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  • Oh I HAVE to jump in this one! MIL does all of this and more. She even goes back and forth between me and DH to try to start crap between us. She'll ask him something, and if she doesn't get the answer she wants, she will go to me to see if I'll say different. She actually thought that we would let her stay in our house the first 2 - 3 weeks after I had DS. She wanted to come home from the hospital with us and have me (the person who just pushed a baby out of her hoo ha, and is now having to adjust to life with a newborn) entertain and clean up after her and my FIL. She was so pissed that we didn't let her stay, that DS pooped his diaper and when I came back from feeding and changing him, she told me I needed to change his diaper before he gets a diaper rash. (thank you so much! I forgot how to take care of my baby, and I obviously need you here to coach me) She also won't talk to me abouth things that have to do with DS. She goes to DH and asks him and he has to tell her to go to me. And she started this new thing where she thinks she's going to TELL me what she's doing with DS and where SHE'S going to TAKE him. Sorry, lady, I'M THE MOMMA! You can either step down from your high horse or I can knock you down from it. Thank the heavens that DH has finally seen what she's doing. She's been doing this kind of stuff since me and DH got engaged. She's got herself fooled that he's going to leave me soon and move back with them with DS.
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