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June 2011 Moms
blainethetrain
member
Another MIL Complaint (longish)
blainethetrain
member
So at my shower on Sunday my MIL took it upon herself to buy the baby a Christening gown and blanket. A) She made the assumption that the baby will be Christened. I am not Christian (non-practicing Jew). MH doesn't consider himself Christian either (Atheist). We were considering going ahead with it anyway because we know it's important to her, but it hadn't been discussed. 
Never having had a child Christened before, I'm just making an assumption, but isn't a Christening gown something I might want to pick out myself? Just grumpy about it. Also, MH and I just bought our first home. We move in at the end of this month. He asked her if she might be able to contribute to the new fridge fund, since my FIL is buying us a new stove. She said she just didn't have the money and that she'd rather buy things for the baby. MH said "The baby needs a fridge too, mom" but then she proceeded to drop at least a few hundred dollars on off-registry junk for the baby. She just irritates me. Then she announced to everyone as I was opening presents that MH used to get really constipated and she had to give him suppositories to make him poop. Sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading.
Never having had a child Christened before, I'm just making an assumption, but isn't a Christening gown something I might want to pick out myself? Just grumpy about it. Also, MH and I just bought our first home. We move in at the end of this month. He asked her if she might be able to contribute to the new fridge fund, since my FIL is buying us a new stove. She said she just didn't have the money and that she'd rather buy things for the baby. MH said "The baby needs a fridge too, mom" but then she proceeded to drop at least a few hundred dollars on off-registry junk for the baby. She just irritates me. Then she announced to everyone as I was opening presents that MH used to get really constipated and she had to give him suppositories to make him poop. Sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading. D13 June Siggy Challenge Awkward (Awesome) Bathing Suits
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Re: Another MIL Complaint (longish)
Ugh, she sounds delightful.
On a side note, check out the scratch and dent section at Lowes or Home Depot. We bought a new fridge for half the price because the handles on the fridge and freezer dont line up perfectly.
That's terrible!
Great tip, thanks!
Wow, she sounds swell.
My MIL actually did (sort of) the same thing. She called me raving about this beautiful Christening gown she bought and how much I was going to love it... 1) our church doesn't do baby christening and 2) if it did, it would definitely be something i'd want to pick out myself! She's also bought boxes of clothes, like several pairs of saddle shoes and knee high socks. Not exactly my style. I keep trying to have a good attitude (we normally get along) and tell myself that it's just her way of showing excitement for the baby, which is a fantastic thing. But I think she's gone so overboard with things she's raising my blood pressure!
I've decided with my MILs the best thing to do is pick my battles and assume the best in her. Then I can either get over the little stuff or be tactful yet firm with what I just can't handle.
What your MIL did re: Christening gown was totally wrong. i'd flip my lid over that one.
Asking MIL to contribute to the fridge fund instead of buying what she wants is also wrong.
This is what I was thinking
She asked what she could buy. We suggested contributing to the fridge fund. If she didn't care what we wanted she shouldn't have asked.
She meant baby stuff, and said so.
Come on, you must understand that asking a grandma to be to buy a fridge instead of cute baby stuff is a bit weird.
I feel the same way.
So far, there haven't been issues with baby stuff. Actually, my ILs were even generous enough to buy the baby's crib and mattress. I assumed they were going to want more "control" over it, but we just picked what we liked, showed them a picture, and they wrote us a check. Totally not expecting it to be that easy.
I'm just afraid they are going to spoil this baby by buying a lot of unnecessary "stuff." They already buy us so many things that we don't need or want. For example, we are in the process of unpacking after a move, and we must have found 5 huge snow globes from them. MIL is just one of those people who buys thing for people because she likes the things, not really considering the recipient.
I know your MIL asked what you wanted.... but i agree with those who are saying that it isn't realistic for her to contribute to the fridge fund when she has the option of buying baby stuff.
Actually, she asked what we need, we weren't even talking about the baby at that point, we were talking about the new house, MH said we need a fridge. We definitely don't need outfits for religious ceremonies for religions we aren't even members of. I guess IMO and in my family, parents are the ones who get you the non fun stuff. Hence the stove from FIL, the new bathroom tile from my mom, and the washer and dryer from my dad and stepmom. Of course buying cute baby clothes and toys is more fun than boring necessities, but if you were a grandparent wouldn't you want to make sure your grandchilds needs were met first? Even if she had bought bottles, or our changing pad, or sheets or anything but a bag of not even useful clothes (a baby tuxedo? an argyle sweater in newborn size?) I wouldn't be as irritated. Sorry if that makes me sound like a spoiled brat. Bring on the flames.
She asked what we need. We responded with the fridge idea. We can afford all of these things on our own, and all of our baby needs, that's not my point. It's that she asked what we needed and then responded by getting us a bunch of stuff we dont need (or want).
I think the Christening gown was a really passive aggressive move on her part. I am assuming that instead of asking you and husband if the baby would be Christian and expressing her wishes that you would consider it, she bought this to pressure you. It is neither subtle nor respectful of the fact that this is your and husband's decision. I definitely understand why you are offended.
On the flip side my MIL buys me Buddhist books all the time - that being said I have actively expressed an interest in Buddhism, much more so than her own son. If you've expressed an interest in the religion in the past, maybe she was making an assumption based on that? Just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt (for your sake) that she wasn't intentionally being disrespectful.
Regarding the fridge vs. baby registry stuff - annoying that she asked you what you would like and then disregarded it, but I have to say it is her money and she spent on your and husband's baby, which is still generous (well minus the selfish gift of the Christening gown not on your registry).
Why should the family not have all the fun? IMO it is the family who deserves to spoil and enjoy the baby, it is their grandchild. I agree that the christening gown was out of line, but let her have some fun, it is her grandchild. MH and I would never expect our family to furnish our home. That is our responsibility. I someone offers, then so be it. But, I cant imagine anyone would rather buy a fridge than spoil their grandchild.
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You're absolutely right. Grandparents do deserve to spoil their grandchildren. Good thing they stay the grandparents for the rest of their lives years and years (hopefully) of spoiling. Again, my point is that she asked what we needed. We said a fridge. For that matter, the registry was full of stuff we needed if she wanted to buy baby stuff. Instead she claimed she had no money and proceeded to buy stuff we don't need. Again, Christening gown and a tuxedo. We don't expect anyone to do anything for us. In fact, we were overwhelmed with the generosity people showed. All I'm saying is the rest of the parents very generously got us some things that aren't that fun, but they recognized that the baby is going to need clean clothes, and that I might need to eat stuff in order to produce milk to feed the baby. If she didn't care what we needed, for baby or our new house, she shouldn't have asked, because it just served to irritate me when I opened up her bag of offensive, useless crap.
So, maybe your MIL is just the kind of person who would rather buy "fun" stuff, instead of necessities.... Take that into account the next time she asks what you "need". Maybe if you mentioned that you needed a new bedding set for your room, or "needed" new kitchen dishes, then that sort of stuff would excite her more than a fridge.
That being said, you should be grateful that she buys your LO anything, whether its off a registry or not.
Are you kidding me?? You want her to drop several hundred bucks on a fridge? I'd have laughed and said no.
My baby is 3 months old and hasn't needed a fridge yet. If you have money to buy a house, you have money to buy a fridge.
But I'm not. I'm obviously a terrible person. Do you need an infant tuxedo? I'll pass it along.
I'm sorry if you took my comment as being snarky - I wasnt intending to be... I was merely just stating that lots of people on this board and others complain that their MILs or mothers, or other family members dont care about their upcoming grandchildren.... your MIL obviously does - even if she shows it in ways you dont like.... Why dont you just take the christening gown/tuxedo/whatever else you dont like and sell it on ebay and craigslist, and then use the money to buy your fridge/registry items/whatever.
If she asks where her items went, tell her you spilled paint on them while touching up the nursery or something.
she sounds like a real cupcake...
You're right. Gifts are gifts. When I give a gift I try to get the person something they would be happy with. Since it's not really about me and what I want. So if I ask my husband what he wants for Christmas and he says he wants a new video game, I don't go out and buy him cologne and new jeans because I think thats what he needs.I buy him the video game because it's what he asked for.Actual example by the way. She doesn't owe me anything, in fact I wish she hadn't gotten us anything, because it just served to irritate me, and I know that the Christening gown BS is going to continue to irritate me. Again, I must be the only horrible person on earth who thinks that gifts are for the reciever not the gifter. And again, if she didn't want to contribute to the fridge fund, some useful baby gifts would have been appreciated. That is all. Judge away.
This whole MIL gift thing is a symptom of a larger issue. I didn't think it was a big deal to ask for help with a fridge (which we can afford ourselves) since she asked how she could help. Apparently a lot of the ladies on here think it was poor form. Instead she chose to purchase the Christening gown mentioned in the OP. The fridge thing was part of the whole MIL shebang. I was venting. Did I smile and say thank you and ooh and ahh over the bag of useless stuff? Yes. Did I write her a thank you note? Yes. I thought that complaining was something people did on this forum occasionally. That'll teach me.