The judging cycle is back!

cstyles · April 2011

I think the same thing happened about a month ago...

I judge people who act like they don't judge...mainly because they are usually the first to judge someone for judging Wink

goodheartedmommy · April 2011

Dude, I used to be the queen of judging. No one claims to never judge. I personally think your post was completely ridiculous, but a normal one for a first time mom of a young child. Most of the judging on here comes from people who haven't been moms for long.

anabell0920 · April 2011

Calling someone out on their shiity judgment =/= claiming to never judge.

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

goodheartedmommy:
Dude, I used to be the queen of judging. No one claims to never judge. I personally think your post was completely ridiculous, but a normal one for a first time mom of a young child. Most of the judging on here comes from people who haven't been moms for long.

What post?

cstyles · April 2011

StrawberryAlarmClock:
goodheartedmommy:
Dude, I used to be the queen of judging. No one claims to never judge. I personally think your post was completely ridiculous, but a normal one for a first time mom of a young child. Most of the judging on here comes from people who haven't been moms for long.
What post?

Most likely this one... https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/51414653.aspx

However, I wasn't just talking about my post.

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

cstyles:
StrawberryAlarmClock:
goodheartedmommy:
Dude, I used to be the queen of judging. No one claims to never judge. I personally think your post was completely ridiculous, but a normal one for a first time mom of a young child. Most of the judging on here comes from people who haven't been moms for long.
What post?

Most likely this one... https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/51414653.aspx

However, I wasn't just talking about my post.

Ah. Let's test you: Knock! Knock!

MissyOlivePants · April 2011

Heck, I'm not on here much, but I'll openly admit i judge all the time. Maybe not out loud, but if I'm out in the public arena & see something I don't agree with or whatever, you bet I'm judging.

cstyles · April 2011

fredalina:

i judge, too, all the time, but i'm sick and frigging tired of all the judgy posts giving license to a certain group (off board) to come here and flame the board for days (AGAIN). Look at the view count on that post; those views aren't from the regulars, they're from the people waiting for enough ammo to come give us crap, and it gets old. i like this board and the people on it, but i don't see the point in grumbling about how someone else chooses to feed their baby.

For one thing, we don't always know the story. i had 2 people approach me when i bottle fed my baby to tell me some nasty things about why i should be BF'ing. Of course, as soon as they found out i was the foster mom, i was suddenly their hero. But, you know, i'm sure my reason is fine but "honestly it's a ton of work and i don't really enjoy it" isn't? Please.

There is a difference in disagreeing with a post and providing constructive feedback compared to simply attacking someone for having different views. I very much appreciate the alternate views you have expressed on several topics, it always get me thinking. One of the reasons I post here and visit here so often is to read all the different views. I think many of the regular AP moms here do a great job of disagreeing without attacking. I can think of several threads that a hot topic was discussed in an intelligent manner, with varying views and opinions being expressed from all sides.

Tonya_G · April 2011

Except for the judgement of judgers is coming from regular board members, not just some randoms. Maybe that should say something to you.

lanie30 · April 2011

I guess I just don't get what you don't get. Everyone judges. Of course they do. But its sort of a scale.

I think sometimes, on this board, people are judging to earn momma martyr merit badges or something. Like they can reach out and relate to other mothers who also see the trauma in a bottle fed baby's eyes. The things that some on this board judge are nearing the "woman hating" end of the spectrum. Things so trivial and silly overall its simply that they are wanting to set themselves up against a perfect mother backdrop. As if there is such a thing. As if there's even an ideal. Its very very interesting to watch this board because a lot of you have very very young babies and do a lot of gasping over things that are really insignificant as your kid gets older.

You are seeing a lot of insecurity poised as concern for others.

GHM said it best with this "Ditto pp. I hate bedtime, hate it. DH works nights and works long hours and I get everyone up in the morning and put everyone to bed. I have 3 young kids and it's physically draining. I love being away from them. I love them dearly, but I love my time away, too. I have a feeling the pp has no sense of humor, because when me and my girlfriends go out, we joke like that, too." She has 3 flipping kids. I can learn much from her so I have to laugh at trying to put 3 kids to bed at once and understand her... Or I could gasp at her horrible confession and wonder about the influence she's having on the souls of the children she "hates" at night.

See the difference? You're allowed to understand others and not pit them against you in a race to the perfect mother finish line.

goodheartedmommy · April 2011

Oh, Lanie...who would've ever thought? LOL

lanie30 · April 2011

goodheartedmommy:
Oh, Lanie...who would've ever thought? LOL

Whatever. I'm going to start a thread saying "I know this person with 3 children who says she hates bed time. How do I relate to her when she's so full of hatred and loathing? Should I cut off the friendship and just surround myself with people who never experience one single moment of frustration? I think this might be best because I just cannot relate to someone who loathes their children in this manner."

kelbrian · April 2011

I reserve the right to judge people who have their babies in carriers while riding bicycles. I also reserve the right to judge people who deem that safe.

That is all.

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

While I appreciate differing opinions from respected posters, I reserve the right to judge people who are not around until it's time to - in their minds - put over-the-top posters in their place. They work under the guise of a rogue band of rebels out to rid the world of the hateful judgement of bitter AP Mamas! ::gasp:: However, I think they're lame and bored and probably insecure. I know I don't hover on, say, the CDing board just waiting to pounce on the first poster to say anything negative about 'sposies or on the Baby Names board just waiting to rant on a poster who dislikes the name Desmond. Some people, however, are the Internet version of Gladys Kravitz and I give them a big fat eyeroll. Either they have a bone to pick (not my problem) or they must need to fight to feel better about themselves. Poor things.

cstyles · April 2011

StrawberryAlarmClock:
While I appreciate differing opinions from respected posters, I reserve the right to judge people who are not around until it's time to - in their minds - put over-the-top posters in their place. They work under the guise of a rogue band of rebels out to rid the world of the hateful judgement of bitter AP Mamas! ::gasp:: However, I think they're lame and bored and probably insecure. I know I don't hover on, say, the CDing board just waiting to pounce on the first poster to say anything negative about 'sposies or on the Baby Names board just waiting to rant on a poster who dislikes the name Desmond. Some people, however, are the Internet version of Gladys Kravitz and I give them a big fat eyeroll. Either they have a bone to pick (not my problem) or they must need to fight to feel better about themselves. Poor things.

Very well said!

lanie30 · April 2011

StrawberryAlarmClock:
While I appreciate differing opinions from respected posters, I reserve the right to judge people who are not around until it's time to - in their minds - put over-the-top posters in their place. They work under the guise of a rogue band of rebels out to rid the world of the hateful judgement of bitter AP Mamas! ::gasp:: However, I think they're lame and bored and probably insecure. I know I don't hover on, say, the CDing board just waiting to pounce on the first poster to say anything negative about 'sposies or on the Baby Names board just waiting to rant on a poster who dislikes the name Desmond. Some people, however, are the Internet version of Gladys Kravitz and I give them a big fat eyeroll. Either they have a bone to pick (not my problem) or they must need to fight to feel better about themselves. Poor things.

I think this is a little silly and naive. I've been "around" since 2005. I haven't wanted to lurk on cloth diapers because... well, its about cloth diapers. I generally only respond to "over the top" posts because... they are over the top. I'm not sure what is difficult to grasp about that. I offer up advice now and then but come on. I'm no "rogue rebel" or whatever the hell you're on about.

Asshattery is asshattery.

+diana82+ · April 2011

StrawberryAlarmClock:
While I appreciate differing opinions from respected posters, I reserve the right to judge people who are not around until it's time to - in their minds - put over-the-top posters in their place. They work under the guise of a rogue band of rebels out to rid the world of the hateful judgement of bitter AP Mamas! ::gasp:: However, I think they're lame and bored and probably insecure. I know I don't hover on, say, the CDing board just waiting to pounce on the first poster to say anything negative about 'sposies or on the Baby Names board just waiting to rant on a poster who dislikes the name Desmond. Some people, however, are the Internet version of Gladys Kravitz and I give them a big fat eyeroll. Either they have a bone to pick (not my problem) or they must need to fight to feel better about themselves. Poor things.

Oh good grief. And LOL that opinions are only welcome from "respected posters." I hung out here quite a bit when my son was small because aside from bf-ing and co-sleeping, I felt like a lot of what this board has to offer fit my infant-parenting style. As he's gotten older, I admittedly feel more and more out of touch with this group especially with those expressing ridiculous mommy-war type judgments like OP. That doesn't mean I don't still lurk frequently - especially as I'm getting ready for another baby. I don't jump on every post like this, but I definitely bristle at the "she didn't work hard enough at bfing***" theme that crops up around here.

ETA: I use that as an example - re: the other judgmental post below.

goodheartedmommy · April 2011

+diana82+:
StrawberryAlarmClock:
While I appreciate differing opinions from respected posters, I reserve the right to judge people who are not around until it's time to - in their minds - put over-the-top posters in their place. They work under the guise of a rogue band of rebels out to rid the world of the hateful judgement of bitter AP Mamas! ::gasp:: However, I think they're lame and bored and probably insecure. I know I don't hover on, say, the CDing board just waiting to pounce on the first poster to say anything negative about 'sposies or on the Baby Names board just waiting to rant on a poster who dislikes the name Desmond. Some people, however, are the Internet version of Gladys Kravitz and I give them a big fat eyeroll. Either they have a bone to pick (not my problem) or they must need to fight to feel better about themselves. Poor things.
Oh good grief. And LOL that opinions are only welcome from "respected posters." I hung out here quite a bit when my son was small because aside from bf-ing and co-sleeping, I felt like a lot of what this board has to offer fit my infant-parenting style. As he's gotten older, I admittedly feel more and more out of touch with this group especially with those expressing ridiculous mommy-war type judgments like OP. That doesn't mean I don't still lurk frequently - especially as I'm getting ready for another baby. I don't jump on every post like this, but I definitely bristle at the "she didn't work hard enough at bfing***" theme that crops up around here.
ETA: I use that as an example - re: the other judgmental post below.

Exactly this, minus having another baby! I used to come here because I'm AP. But this board is RIDICULOUS 99.9% of the time. This group is what I was 4, 5 years ago. The mommy martyrdom opinion is right on. I do offer advice frequently on this board.

lanie30 · April 2011

Like diana82 said, when you have an older kid, some of the "VERY IMPORTANT THINGS" that people judge on this board start seeming truly strange. I mean its rare that you actually discuss AP strategies for coping with a 3 year old or 4 year old who are dealing with preschool issues or whatever. Its all about "OMG I saw a baby at a mall in a stroller!" Which is... weird.

I honestly wish I could just give more women a hug and pull the books out of their hands and say "just breeeeeeeeeeeathe." I'm a thinker and an overthinker and it did not help me be a better mom. Chilling out, breathing and listening to my gut did a better job. I'm finally comfortable with the fact that I have very little idea what I'm doing, but that's how its supposed to be and we're all doing fine.

Watching women freak out the way I did when Jo was tiny is sort of funny now. I really wish that Jo had a more chill momma when she was small.

MellsHells · April 2011

+diana82+:
I don't jump on every post like this, but I definitely bristle at the "she didn't work hard enough at bfing***" theme that crops up around here.
ETA: I use that as an example - re: the other judgmental post below.

The funny thing is, I think we have equal numbers of FFs and BFers on this board. I wouldn't say that "she didn't work hard enough at BFing" has ever been a "theme" on here (or at least a theme that didn't get flamed to high heaven). And not just flaming by evil lurkers or whatever ... regulars. In general, the judgmental posts aren't tolerated by anyone, even regs, so I don't know where this idea comes from that this is a judgy board. This board, like any board, has judgy people on it.

I like this board. There's a lot more talk about woven wraps here than any other AP forum I've seen, but that's just luck of the draw (i.e. the interests of the people posting). Ditto for the number of young kids, and I think Lanie is probably right that there's mass hysteria at times. But to say that anti-BFing or anti-stroller (below) are themes around here is just really silly.

lanie30 · April 2011

MellsHells:
+diana82+:
I don't jump on every post like this, but I definitely bristle at the "she didn't work hard enough at bfing***" theme that crops up around here.
ETA: I use that as an example - re: the other judgmental post below.

The funny thing is, I think we have equal numbers of FFs and BFers on this board. I wouldn't say that "she didn't work hard enough at BFing" has ever been a "theme" on here (or at least a theme that didn't get flamed to high heaven). And not just flaming by evil lurkers or whatever ... regulars. In general, the judgmental posts aren't tolerated by anyone, even regs, so I don't know where this idea comes from that this is a judgy board. This board, like any board, has judgy people on it.

I like this board. There's a lot more talk about woven wraps here than any other AP forum I've seen, but that's just luck of the draw (i.e. the interests of the people posting). Ditto for the number of young kids, and I think Lanie is probably right that there's mass hysteria at times. But to say that anti-BFing or anti-stroller (below) are themes around here is just really silly.

true most of the time but there are a good number of "i know how you feel and feel the same way" posts to people ranting about such nonsense. It's sort of weird.

Overall not a bad lot on here but there are a few who really need to unclench.

iris427 · April 2011

goodheartedmommy:
+diana82+:
StrawberryAlarmClock:
While I appreciate differing opinions from respected posters, I reserve the right to judge people who are not around until it's time to - in their minds - put over-the-top posters in their place. They work under the guise of a rogue band of rebels out to rid the world of the hateful judgement of bitter AP Mamas! ::gasp:: However, I think they're lame and bored and probably insecure. I know I don't hover on, say, the CDing board just waiting to pounce on the first poster to say anything negative about 'sposies or on the Baby Names board just waiting to rant on a poster who dislikes the name Desmond. Some people, however, are the Internet version of Gladys Kravitz and I give them a big fat eyeroll. Either they have a bone to pick (not my problem) or they must need to fight to feel better about themselves. Poor things.
Oh good grief. And LOL that opinions are only welcome from "respected posters." I hung out here quite a bit when my son was small because aside from bf-ing and co-sleeping, I felt like a lot of what this board has to offer fit my infant-parenting style. As he's gotten older, I admittedly feel more and more out of touch with this group especially with those expressing ridiculous mommy-war type judgments like OP. That doesn't mean I don't still lurk frequently - especially as I'm getting ready for another baby. I don't jump on every post like this, but I definitely bristle at the "she didn't work hard enough at bfing***" theme that crops up around here.
ETA: I use that as an example - re: the other judgmental post below.
Exactly this, minus having another baby! I used to come here because I'm AP. But this board is RIDICULOUS 99.9% of the time. This group is what I was 4, 5 years ago. The mommy martyrdom opinion is right on. I do offer advice frequently on this board.

Ditto everything diana, GHM and Lanie have said.

I see so much insecurity and anxiety in the posts on this board. I get it because I'm insecure and anxious sometimes about being a good parent. But I think this board feeds into it a lot. I seriously can't believe some of the things people on here worry about and it makes me sad to see mothers beating themselves up. I hope we can all grow to be more confident in ourselves as mothers and realize hey we aren't perfect but our kids are going to be OK. And so are the kids of the mom down the street who formula feeds and carts her baby around in a stroller.

BelhurstBride · April 2011

While I hate the Band of Let's Put the APers in Their Place, really? No one saw that one coming with that post?

Lotte134 · April 2011

iris427:
I hope we can all grow to be more confident in ourselves as mothers and realize hey we aren't perfect but our kids are going to be OK. And so are the kids of the mom down the street who formula feeds and carts her baby around in a stroller.

Yes

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

lanie30:

StrawberryAlarmClock:
While I appreciate differing opinions from respected posters, I reserve the right to judge people who are not around until it's time to - in their minds - put over-the-top posters in their place. They work under the guise of a rogue band of rebels out to rid the world of the hateful judgement of bitter AP Mamas! ::gasp:: However, I think they're lame and bored and probably insecure. I know I don't hover on, say, the CDing board just waiting to pounce on the first poster to say anything negative about 'sposies or on the Baby Names board just waiting to rant on a poster who dislikes the name Desmond. Some people, however, are the Internet version of Gladys Kravitz and I give them a big fat eyeroll. Either they have a bone to pick (not my problem) or they must need to fight to feel better about themselves. Poor things.

I think this is a little silly and naive. I've been "around" since 2005. I haven't wanted to lurk on cloth diapers because... well, its about cloth diapers. I generally only respond to "over the top" posts because... they are over the top. I'm not sure what is difficult to grasp about that. I offer up advice now and then but come on. I'm no "rogue rebel" or whatever the hell you're on about.

Asshattery is asshattery.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

goodheartedmommy:
Exactly this, minus having another baby! I used to come here because I'm AP. But this board is RIDICULOUS 99.9% of the time. This group is what I was 4, 5 years ago. The mommy martyrdom opinion is right on. I do offer advice frequently on this board.

That's funny. I used to go to this great sushi spot down the street. Then, they just started going downhill. Bad service, worse food. So.... I stopped going.

lanie30 · April 2011

StrawberryAlarmClock:

goodheartedmommy:
Exactly this, minus having another baby! I used to come here because I'm AP. But this board is RIDICULOUS 99.9% of the time. This group is what I was 4, 5 years ago. The mommy martyrdom opinion is right on. I do offer advice frequently on this board.

That's funny. I used to go to this great sushi spot down the street. Then, they just started going downhill. Bad service, worse food. So.... I stopped going.

I know you want to get rid of anyone who has a dissenting opinion SAC, but its a public message board.

You need to realize that when asshats post crazy asshat things, people like to laugh.

It's really not that complicated and it isn't sushi.

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

lanie30:
StrawberryAlarmClock:

goodheartedmommy:
Exactly this, minus having another baby! I used to come here because I'm AP. But this board is RIDICULOUS 99.9% of the time. This group is what I was 4, 5 years ago. The mommy martyrdom opinion is right on. I do offer advice frequently on this board.

That's funny. I used to go to this great sushi spot down the street. Then, they just started going downhill. Bad service, worse food. So.... I stopped going.

I know you want to get rid of anyone who has a dissenting opinion SAC, but its a public message board.

You need to realize that when asshats post crazy asshat things, people like to laugh.

It's really not that complicated and it isn't sushi.

Breathe. In the nose, out the mouth. ::whispers:: youarepostingcrazyasshatthingsandiamlaughing

bh2720 · April 2011

lanie30:
Like diana82 said, when you have an older kid, some of the "VERY IMPORTANT THINGS" that people judge on this board start seeming truly strange. I mean its rare that you actually discuss AP strategies for coping with a 3 year old or 4 year old who are dealing with preschool issues or whatever. Its all about "OMG I saw a baby at a mall in a stroller!" Which is... weird.
I honestly wish I could just give more women a hug and pull the books out of their hands and say "just breeeeeeeeeeeathe." I'm a thinker and an overthinker and it did not help me be a better mom. Chilling out, breathing and listening to my gut did a better job. I'm finally comfortable with the fact that I have very little idea what I'm doing, but that's how its supposed to be and we're all doing fine.
Watching women freak out the way I did when Jo was tiny is sort of funny now. I really wish that Jo had a more chill momma when she was small.

Have I told you lately that I love you? :-)

And I'll add this, to all those you make a big deal about regular posters versus sometimes posters: THIS IS A PUBLIC MESSAGE BOARD. I could come on here every week and post my goddamn grocery list if I wanted...if you don't like someone's posts, just ignore them. And if you post something, no matter how *right* you think you are, be prepared for the fact that, some people might not agree with you. They might tell you this, they might call you names...these are the risks associated with posting on a public message board.