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He Agreed to Counseling

StrawberryAlarmClockStrawberryAlarmClock member
in Single Parents
I don't want to get my hopes up that DH is suddenly going to clean up his act but I do want to try everything before throwing in the towel. I wouldn't even say I'm cautiously optimistic. It's more like I'm preparing for the worst and waiting to see if the best is even an option. Let's say, hypothetically, that some amazing miracle happens and DH actually attempts to get clean. How long would he have to be 100% sober before you'd consider continuing the marriage?
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Re: He Agreed to Counseling

  • Starbuck5Starbuck5 member

    Well, I wouldn't consider it even if mine were sober the rest of his life...

    But I'd say a year if I were in your position. Especially since there are kids involved. 



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  • newmomdec2010newmomdec2010
    I hear you girl, I'm going through the same thing. I wouldn't give it an exact amount of time, I would follow what both your head and heart are telling you.
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  • Mrs.Keith2BMrs.Keith2B member
    I agree with pp, don't put a time limit on it. Especially not one you tell your H about. In your situation, it would take a LONG time before I'd truly believe that H was committed to being clean. And staying clean.
     
    Continue with your plans to separate/divorce, whatever they may be. Your H needs to know that you're serious about ending this marriage because of his behaviors that create a toxic environment for you and your LO. It might be the shock factor he needs to turn his life around, but don't wait for him to do it. You can always reconcile later on down the road, but he needs to know you're not going to wait for him to be clean. He could do it for a few months, get you back, and relapse. It's just hard to tell if his intentions are true.
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  • achase123achase123
    imageMrs.Keith2B:
    I agree with pp, don't put a time limit on it. Especially not one you tell your H about. In your situation, it would take a LONG time before I'd truly believe that H was committed to being clean. And staying clean.
     
    Continue with your plans to separate/divorce, whatever they may be. Your H needs to know that you're serious about ending this marriage because of his behaviors that create a toxic environment for you and your LO. It might be the shock factor he needs to turn his life around, but don't wait for him to do it. You can always reconcile later on down the road, but he needs to know you're not going to wait for him to be clean. He could do it for a few months, get you back, and relapse. It's just hard to tell if his intentions are true.

    Yup, all of this.  I always side eye the "last ditch" effort and I'm glad I'm not the only one.  addiction is a tough thing.  It can raise it's ugly head when you least expect it.

    I do think that doing the counseling is good.  Until you are truly "done" you owe it to yourself to try everything.  Good luck!

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