PPD & other ramblings (long)

kristinleigh · April 2011

I have not been around as much as I'd like but I do skim the board so congrats to the recent BFP's and I have been thinking of those of you who are going through difficult times right now.

So I have pretty severe post-partum depression, not surprising to me since I had issues with depression and anxiety before I had Jackson. I was on anti-depression medication but weaned off before I got pregnant. I went back on the medication around 4 months PP and ever since I stopped pumping and switched to "regular" BC pills things have gone downhill fast. I'm seeing my MW on Wednesday because I am just not myself and I'm so down and so overwhelmed by everything. I really want to get off hormonal BC so I am going to ask about other options. I have a good deal of self imposed guilt for our BF struggles and I think that I am being way too hard on myself.

I also have something else weighing heavily on my mind. After I stopped pumping (2 months ago), I noticed a hard lump in my breast. I was thinking it would go away but it has not and has gotten a little bigger. I am so scared about it. I am having the MW check it out on Wednesday as well. So thoughts and prayers are appreciated. I will update after my appointment Wednesday.

I am so thankful that I have a wonderful little boy (can't believe he is 8 months already!) He is such a great baby, I have been so blessed with that given the struggles I have had lately.

Thanks for reading! I am hopeful that the MW and I can come up with a plan to treat my PPD and praying that everything is OK with the other issue.

Mrs_D_in_KY · April 2011

I am hoping you get some answers/help at your appointment with your MW.

I can say that I understand where you're coming from, since having DS I've been very hormonal and just not feeling right more times than not. I also feel very guilty with not being able to BF, and EPing was such a struggle at times. I have an appointment next with my OB/GYN to discuss BC options as well as possible PPD.

((hugs)) to you!

Ttimes3 · April 2011

I have to run, right now; but I PROMISE to circle back with a more meaningful response, later tonight. For now, here's a big zombie hug: Left Hug

KYmama9286 · April 2011

((hugs)) My PPD was the worst at around 7-8 months and I can remember posting something similar to this around that time. Is it possible that your anxiety/depression meds need a different dosing? Have you thought about doing any talk therapy in addition? I started meds, was on them for about a month and a half and in the meantime I started talk therapy at my church. I went of the meds pretty quickly (after only 1.5 months on them) and continued with the talk therapy and was really happy with the results. Things finally seemed more manageable, I wasnt a basket case all the time and my bottom just seemed to be not quite as low if that makes sense.

As for guilt about the BF stuff, I can totally relate too and then felt guilty for quitting pumping when I did even though I *KNOW* it was best for me and my family. Mom guilt is the worst but in the end know that you did the right thing. In the grand scheme of things not being able to breastfeed isnt going to damage your child for life. At the time, it totally feels that way and you feel like "less of a mother" (at least I did) always second guessing if there was more I could have done. And of course I could have done somethings differently but at what expense...at the expense of my child having a grouchy, crying, nutso mom? Yeah that wouldnt be worth it-- keep your chin up mama. I promise it does get better!

I will keep you in my T&P about the lump-- please keep us updated. **fingers crossed that its nothing serious**

PirateGirl04 · April 2011

Im so sorry you are going thru this! Please keep us updated! T and P for you that everything turns out okay. I'm here if u ever need to talk

teacherjess · April 2011

I had PPD and pp anxiety that began right after Leah was born. I went on Lexapro right away and stayed on that until I had to go back to work at 4 months pp (strangely, going back to work helped me...it just took my mind off things). I can definitely sympathize with how you are feeling. It is the dumps. I also had enormous guilt over not trying harder to get BFing going, but now that I look back, I can see that it never would have worked with the state of mind I was in after she was born. It has taken a long time for me to get over how I felt, but I am glad that I sought out help early on.

Have you thought about doing talk therapy in conjunction with meds? I have heard that this can really increase success rates in treating PPD.

kristinleigh · April 2011

Thanks gals. I am definitely going to get a referral for some talk therapy, I think it would help tremendously!

PolarBerry · April 2011

Thoughts and prayers coming your way! I hope that your MW can give you some answers and helpful advice!

megan1019 · April 2011

Just wanted to say BIG HUGS & hope you feel better after your appointment. I'm right there with you on BF issues - I posted about them last week. They suck (period) Hang in there!!

allobosc · April 2011

Big hugs to you and I hope your MW can help out with things.

curlypie1 · April 2011

I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I hope at your MW visit, you can get some answers that will help. Jackson is such a beautiful little boy and he is lucky to have you as his Mom. Hugs.

cooperme2871 · April 2011

Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I had severe PPD/PPP after DD was born. We brought her home on a Monday and I was hospitalized on Wednesday evening. I stayed there for two days and was put on Prozac. It helped tremendously and I was only on it for 4 months. I went through a lot with her birth (induced for two days and then ended up with an emergency c-section). I wasn't able to BF and I had a lot of guilt over that. But, after talking about it I realize that I was in no state of mind to try and BF and that it was part of my anxiety. Today I feel great and I agree with PP about talking to someone. T's & P's to you!!

hav2run · April 2011

My thoughts are with you. I hope your MW can help you find answers. Hugs!

Miller238 · April 2011

Hormones are such a hard thing to control/deal with. I am sorry you are going through this. T&P for good news from your MW and that you feel better soon.

MrsMandaK · April 2011

I'm sorry you're having a rough time lately. I dealt with some PPD after Charlotte was born, so I know how 'not yourself' you might be feeling right now. I hope you can get some help at your MW appointment and that ypthe lump is found to be harmless. You'll be in my prayers. Keep your head up!