Is my husband being difficult or is it me?

colourful_dancer · April 2011

im not sure if this is hormones or if my husband is being difficult? But i cleaned the whole house spotless and really tryed to make it look nice and my husband just walked in and acted like i should of done it yesterday?!! I thought he would be really happy and proud of what i had done for us and he just critisied the way i had done it and how he should have to be suprised? i know i have been touchy lately with hormones and stuff but i thought he would be happy and now we just had a massive fight?!?! We never fight so i feel like i have done something wrong and i have failed?!? please give me your advice?!

bluerevolution9 · April 2011

my husband just did the same thing last week!!! he went on a whole thing about how the house isn't organized enough. I am a crazy over organizer. I have no idea where it was coming from, or why, after 7 years together that was the day he decided to say our house should be in better order. He knows that Im doing my best cleaning the house and keeping things in order. I swear its like he doesn't understand that getting the laundry done took me a few hours, not 20 min! Yesterday we had a huge fight that he felt like I wasn't taking on enough clients, even though I have taken every client that came to me lately. I think that what it comes down to, is that as the baby's arrival becomes more real, he gets more stressed about things, especially money. Its not that the house was dirty, its that he saw a few things out of place and imagined that with a baby the house will look like a reck, or that once I can't work anymore money will be too much of a problem, ect. I've been trying to get him to open up about whats really bothering him, and trying to realize its not really about cleaning but something more. Maybe your husband is doing the same thing?

colourful_dancer · April 2011

im hoping it that because then he has reason to say what he says and then i dont feel like im hopless at everything!!

i feel sooo alone because i feel like if i cant talkn to him i cant talk to anyone and as if i dont already feel like im the only one going thro this even tho i know im not!

i just wanted to do somthing to make me feel better about myself and make him happy and i got neither!!

does anone else feel as though they look like crap!? coz i feel so yuck about myself?! hormonesagain or??

SarahPLiz · April 2011

I think your H is a giant douchecanoe for criticizing anything you do. This is your house too and you keep it up to the best of your ability. If he wants it done differently, he can do it his damned self.

In a successful relationship, people are mature enough to find their own happiness, which just enhances with the other person's presence. You should not be the sole reason for his happiness, and he shouldn't be the sole reason for yours. That's way to much pressure to put on someone else. I went through this with my last relationship and after 6 years I finally got rid of his ass and got really happy and found my self worth on my own before I got into another relationship.

I suggest you go to counseling and learn how to communicate effectively with each other before you bring a baby into this misery.

Babyjayjay2011 · April 2011

SarahPLiz:

I think your H is a giant douchecanoe for criticizing anything you do. This is your house too and you keep it up to the best of your ability. If he wants it done differently, he can do it his damned self

He agree I tell my DH that if what I do is not good eneough he should have done it his self. I do things my way and he does his....He just waits longer and it drives me crazy...lol..I hope your day gets better!! ( sounds like it has been rough by your two post)...

ababymaybe · April 2011

Tell him HE should have done it yesterday if he wanted it done then. FFS. It annoys me to no end when people act like cleaning is the woman's job.

NativeFloridian · April 2011

I noticed this is not your first post about feelings of helplessness and isolation in your pregnancy. Now, none of us are really able to tell you if it's your husband or your hormones that are the problem since we're not there to see this stuff ourselves, but it kind of seems to me that, though hormones probably play a part, you don't have the most supportive husband. You definitely shouldn't be feeling so acutely isolated and incompetent, and your husband should definitely NOT be creating those feelings.

Is this a common problem - him criticizing you or taking you for granted, and, as mentioned in your previous post, him not wanting to have "emotional talks" to work through your rocky moments? If any of this was happening before you got pregnant, I'm willing to bet it's not just your hormones, hun. And if that is the case, you may want to look into some sort of couples counseling to see if you and your husband can work out a way to communicate in a more effective and healthy way.

Enami · April 2011

How do you divvy up household chores? It sounds like you work, and if you're both working, you should both be doing stuff around the house. I'm very much about each person pulling their own weight. That's not to say you should be doing housework x hours because you work x hours, and vice versa, but its not your job to be his mommy. I've told FI I hate doing dishes, I hate scrubbing food off pans and plates, and that he can do the dishes. But I like doing laundry, it doesn't really bother me. I've told him I don't care that he's squeamish, he will clean up vomit and poop. Suck it up. I hate that stuff too, and it makes me sick, but I will not be the only one to do those things. He can't stand cat litter, but he's been cleaning it during the pregnancy. Your husband sounds like a ***. Tell him to grow a pair.

hepcats · April 2011

Sounds like your DH was having a douchy moment. It's definitely not you. I'm not saying he needs to fall all over himself or anything, especially if the agreement is that you're the house cleaner while he does other stuff (as is in my house) but he certainly shouldn't be criticizing you.

colourful_dancer · April 2011

thankyou to everyone for your advice

i really appreciate it!

i think my husbnd was haing a bad day as he came home from work today with flowers and my fav cookies!!

sucking up big time but it takes alot for him to apoligies so i was happy with that

xoxox thankyou all agin xx

oklahomagirl733 · April 2011

I had a similar problem with my husband. It was a different situation though. Before I got pregnant, I was working full time and keeping the house cleaned and dinner cooked. He didn't expect it and he helped out when ever he could. Once I became pregnant and fatigued really bad I was sleeping any time I wasn't at work, and my husband stepped up and cooked and cleaned for a few weeks until I could actually wake up some. Since he did so much for me I spoiled him rotten and spent months hand making his favorite food dishes, buying him things he'd been wanting for a while, cleaning and cooking and telling him to relax while I did it all. Well, now that I'm 32 weeks along, I'm pretty big and fatigued again so keeping up with the house work is getting hard. My husband would say things like "Man, you really need to pick up this living room" or "Hey, I need my clothes washed" instead of doing any of it himself. I got mad at him but I also took some blame because I had gotten him used to me keeping everything organized on top of making sure he had his dinner on time. So, I sat him down and told him that I really need his help because it's getting harder for me to reach the floor and pick up dishes or trash, and it's hurts my back to stand too long while doing the dishes or laundry, etc. I had to get on his case for about two weeks but when I finally got so frustrated that I broke down into tears and refused to talk to him anymore about it, he realized what I needed and has since taken on the living room and cooking dinner while I do dishes and keep up with the kitchen. Some times men just get used to how they're treated, and they're also hard headed so it takes a bit for anything to sink in. I kept hearing "You're just pregnant" but after getting a taste of those pregnancy hormones, my husband doesn't say that anymore haha So, if you're husband is used to you having everything constantly done, then his mind set is still set there. He's still expecting it because you did it before, so you're just going to have to let him know that now things are changing and you can't keep up with it as well as before so, though you try your best and have occasional days where your energy is back and your pain is mild, you need him to have patience and help some when needed. My husband is an amazing man and has been very helpful and supportive through my pregnancy, I had just spoiled him so much that he was just used to me doing it all.

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