Did you tell friends?

SimonHunter · April 2011

I understand that each and everyone of us is different and dealing with and handling this tragic part of our lives? We only had told my family and 1 couple that we were expecting. Now it seems even harder for me to "pretend to be happy" and go on smiling when all I really want to do is cry and tell friends we know what happened. My DH is a 3rd grade teacher and I was working at his school tutoring (until today) We are good friends with most of the teachers and a lot of the staff, I didn't go to school for almost a week and he ended up leaving early a few different days. They all know "something" happened.... they are not asking but are concerned. I want to avoid everyone so that I don't have to pretend, but at the same time I feel like I want to tell them what I am going through but I can't do it in person, that is so hard to do for me. Saying it out loud is saddening.

Not sure what I should do...... I'm torn....

somnybooks · April 2011

I'm sorry for your loss. I had to un-tell a lot of people (close friends and family, but still a good amount of people) when I had my m/c. While it sucked to do that, I found it was worse to go to class and pretend nothing happened (only 2 class mates knew). I have found myself telling people who didn't know I was pregnant, if the moment seems right, I feel the urge, and I think they will be supportive. It has really helped me to talk about it and say it out loud. It's kind of like I need to acknowledge my babies short life.

Do what is comfortable for you. Maybe send out an e-mail? That way you won't have to pretend, but you could include something that said you would like them to not bring it up unless you do. ((Hugs))

BabyTG · April 2011

I just found out today (9 wks 5 days) and it blows because we just told our parents last week after my 8 week appt. Turns out if I had an U/S we wouldn't have told. Besides the parents I told 4 friends and I'm in the process of them the latest over the next few days. It's so draining. I already told my mom and DH told his mom. I'm don't plan on sharing it with anyone else that didn't know.

boymamaco · April 2011

We had only told my mom and three of our friends that we were pregnant. So there wasn't much untelling to do. We've actually shared our miscarraige with more people so that they will understand what we are going through.

Its such a personal decision and everyone is different. I hope you can find some peace in your decision.

Ironmom2be · April 2011

We didn't tell ANYONE. On the one hand I'm glad I didn't have to "untell" anyone, but on the other there have been days I could have used some moral support. I have my H, and he's great. It's SO hard to just "go on" with life and "pretend" nothing is wrong. I called into work the day of my D&C, I was back at work the next day. It's been very difficult to just "keep going" as if nothing has happened. It does get better, though...It'll be two weeks for us on Thursday. Hope it gets better for you ((hugs))

cburke81xo · April 2011

We told our parents, brother, sisters, and a couple close friends. I was so against it at first since I had not even been to my first appointment. While I hated to have to untell them they all were so supportive after the fact. It is a personal decision for everyone but next time around I will not be telling anyone until I know for sure everything is fine.

MrsL2 · April 2011

I am so sorry for your loss! I still haven't really decided whether or not to tell people as of now the only people who know are my DH and mom but it is hard to act like everything is fine when talking to my friends. I want to be sure of my decision because it isn't something you can take back.. hope you figure out what you want to do about telling people!

gina&dave07 · April 2011

Ticker warning

I am so sorry for your loss.

We had told some family and close friends. As for untelling...I sent out some text messages so I did not have to call everyone. I have shared with others who did not even know I was pregnant that I had a m/c. I have found it therapeutic to talk about it. As I have shared my story, I have realized that more people had m/c too.

SoonToBeMrsDTS · April 2011

Warning - pics in sig

We only told the people that knew about the pregnancy, which unfortunately was a lot of people because we started telling people after the first u/s. I asked one of my close friends to spread the bad news so that I wouldn't have to say it over and over. I also e-mailed our out of town friends who I knew about the pregnancy. Somehow saying it out loud was worse than writing it. I was glad to have the support of my close friends and family. As much as it sucked, I'm glad they knew.

SimonHunter · April 2011

Thank you everyone, I think maybe it is therapeutic for me to talk about it instead of keeping it all in. Maybe that is why I am wanting to tell people what is going on. I am simply worn out from going on each day like I am fine when I really am not.

So sorry for everyone that even has to think about this- whether to tell your friends and family you have had a miscarriage. I know it is not easy for anyone, I hate the fact this is what we are having to talk about. Thanks for the imput, I am thinking maybe an email tonight might be the thing to do, I will be seeing a lot of them tomorrow night, and unless I tell them I don't know if I will be able to go to dinner. (I end up just wanted to stay home in my "safe" house with my DH and dog Hunter.) I am afraid I will lose it over dinner and then be sitting there and have to tell them and that is what is the hardest. Having to say the words....

Thank you for listening, I never have any amazing things to say to anyone else it seems but being able to write down my feelings, fears and sadness is so helpful.

Hugs to all.

SimonHunter · April 2011

SoonToBeMrsDTS:
pregnancy. Somehow saying it out loud was worse than writing it. I was glad to have the support of my close friends and family. As much as it sucked, I'm glad they knew.

This is what I am thinking... that I don't know if I can bring myself to say it out loud. I have yet to do this, I have e mailed, and texted some but I not told anyone myself. I feel as if actually saying it would be a million times harder than just having someone know.... I don't know...

MrsCarebear · April 2011

SimonHunter:

So sorry for everyone that even has to think about this- whether to tell your friends and family you have had a miscarriage. I know it is not easy for anyone, I hate the fact this is what we are having to talk about. Thanks for the imput, I am thinking maybe an email tonight might be the thing to do, I will be seeing a lot of them tomorrow night, and unless I tell them I don't know if I will be able to go to dinner. (I end up just wanted to stay home in my "safe" house with my DH and dog Hunter.) I am afraid I will lose it over dinner and then be sitting there and have to tell them and that is what is the hardest. Having to say the words....

This was the hardest for me. We had told many people after our 8 week u/s and all was going well and thought we were safe. It was so hard to untell people but it was easier to have people know and understand why I looked so sad. The outpouring of love and support we got from friends and family and from our employers was amazing. We also made calls to our parents and then had them make phone calls to the rest of the family for us, that was a huge help. Same with my work, my boss asked if he wanted me to have him tell people to save me from keep having to say it over and over. When I got back I had people coming up to me giving thier condolances but I didn't have to say the words and that made it easier. So sorry you have to go through this. Remember its ok to not be "fine" and to cry. (((Hugs)))

mfpickle25 · April 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. We told everyone. DH wrote a mass email (I know not the best way) for our friends and then we personally told our families. While it was very difficult most of our friends and family were supportive and wonderful. It helped me heal not to have to pretend.

chicagogirl10 · April 2011

We had told almost no one outside of immediate family and my best friend that we were pregnant.

However, I have found it helpful to tell people about the m/c. For me, I appreciate the support and sympathy I've received, and I think it's been helpful with my healing. I haven't been telling the whole world, but I have explained to more friends and family what we've been going through.

JT325 · April 2011

So sorry for your loss.

I'm telling people when they ask. I'm not going to lie and say "I'm sick" or "Not feeling well." I lost my baby and I'm not afraid to say that.

(And, I really think its helping me heal....)

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