My story. (missed miscarriage)

mah976 · March 2011

I just would first like to say I am so sorry for all of your losses. I never knew or imagined what this pain would be like and it just plain sucks. There is nothing fair about it. My husband and I went in for our 2nd appointment yesterday. I am at 13 weeks and we were to hear the baby's heartbeat for the 1st time. We were so excited. I never knew that kind of anticipation before! There was a student that would be with the P.A. and she is a sweatheart. I had her there at my 1st appointment. She found the heartbeat right away and I started to cry saying "this is it?" Yes, she said as it played overhead. The P.A. walks in and feels my pulse and the heartbeat was mine. She looked for it for a good 20 min saying she doesn't give up easily and "little one, you are making your mom nervous!" I start to cry. She does an internal exam and said it made her feel better because I was progressing on schedule. She tells me she would like for my peace of mind to get an ultrasound then because otherwise I would have to wait until Sat. for thier person. So we go to the office for an ultrasound. I said to DH now if there were something wrong I would have had a m/c, right? The ultrasound took forever. She leaves to show the results to the doctor and he comes in behind her with a pained look on his face saying "I'm sorry, but there is no heartbeat. Just a sac. It measures at 6 weeks." It was so surreal to go from such excitement and peace to such devastation and disbelief! It's hard to wrap my head around it. The D&C is tomorrow.

I still feel such shock and in a way can shake the feeling that I believed in something that wasn't true. We were just looking for furniture for the nursery and picked out names. I bought baby clothes and imagined how it will feel to hold the little guy and smelling the top of his sweet head as I kiss him. I feel like my body played a cruel trick on me and fooled me for such a long time. I am a different person now from what I was yesterday...

yankeegirl1979 · March 2011

I am so sorry.

jkfranklin · March 2011

I am so sorry for you loss. I had pretty much the same experience as you. It truely is a life changing thing and you can't imagine how it feels until you actually go through it.

roxygirl1281 · March 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't realize how much it would hurt either. My 1st appt was scheduled for the day after my m/c and it was really hard getting through that day knowing that I wouldn't be seeing my baby after all.

xokell2 · March 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience at 13 weeks and just when you think you might be in the 'safe zone', it hurts to have your world come crashing down.

lauralew · March 2011

Your story is similar to so many women here. It wasn't until I had my missed m/c that I knew it was so common. Though it's incredibly sad so many of us experience such devastating loss, it's good to know there is strength in numbers!!

I wish you the best of luck as you begin your healing process. Surprisingly, it does get better...though that's hard to believe now. Please take care of yourself!!

shootingstar0724 · March 2011

Wow, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having been that far along to find this out. Sad

It is stories like this that infuriate me that not all Dr's do at least 1 u/s sooner- say like 8 weeks. I think even if a woman has not had a prior loss, all pregnant women should get an early u/s just to make sure everything is looking good to that point. Ugh. But that could just be my negative nelly speaking since the majority of women do not end up where we are.

corgi9 · March 2011

I'm very sorry to hear you are going through this, too. As PP said, I never realized before it happend to me that missed m/cs, or m/cs in general, are VERY common.

While that isn't going to take away the pain, for me, it's comforting to know I'm not a freak, or that something's wrong with me, and it gives me hope to be able to try again one day soon..but every day is a struggle as you/we cope with the loss.

I think it's really important for you to continue to do what you are doing..that is, vent about it here. Talk about it with your husband/friends/loved ones. You may be surprised how many women you encounter that have gone through this. I was, and the more I talk about it, the more I realize I'm not alone. And that is something. I hope you find comfort and strength as you go through the healing process.

somnybooks · March 2011

I am so very sorry.

BritanyV · March 2011

ShootingStar0724:
Wow, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having been that far along to find this out.

It is stories like this that infuriate me that not all Dr's do at least 1 u/s sooner- say like 8 weeks. I think even if a woman has not had a prior loss, all pregnant women should get an early u/s just to make sure everything is looking good to that point. Ugh. But that could just be my negative nelly speaking since the majority of women do not end up where we are.

To the OP, I'm so sorry for your loss and know exactly what you are going through.

In reply to the bolded, that still wouldn't help everyone. I had a u/s at 6 wks and at 10 wks and everything was fine. At 13 wks I went for the NT scan and no heartbeat or growth since the 10 wk appt. Really, other than weekly scans, there is no good answer to what the medical community could/should do to help reduce the time women with missed m/c's go around carrying a non-viable pregnancy.

shootingstar0724 · March 2011

BritanyV:
ShootingStar0724:

Wow, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having been that far along to find this out.

It is stories like this that infuriate me that not all Dr's do at least 1 u/s sooner- say like 8 weeks. I think even if a woman has not had a prior loss, all pregnant women should get an early u/s just to make sure everything is looking good to that point. Ugh. But that could just be my negative nelly speaking since the majority of women do not end up where we are.

To the OP, I'm so sorry for your loss and know exactly what you are going through.

In reply to the bolded, that still wouldn't help everyone. I had a u/s at 6 wks and at 10 wks and everything was fine. At 13 wks I went for the NT scan and no heartbeat or growth since the 10 wk appt. Really, other than weekly scans, there is no good answer to what the medical community could/should do to help reduce the time women with missed m/c's go around carrying a non-viable pregnancy.

Oh I totally agree with you too, I was just speaking for early missed m/c's, more so like blighted ovums where there is no fetus. I should have been more specific.

jkfranklin · March 2011

ShootingStar0724:

Wow, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having been that far along to find this out.

It is stories like this that infuriate me that not all Dr's do at least 1 u/s sooner- say like 8 weeks. I think even if a woman has not had a prior loss, all pregnant women should get an early u/s just to make sure everything is looking good to that point. Ugh. But that could just be my negative nelly speaking since the majority of women do not end up where we are.

I had a feeling something was wrong and at my 8 week appt they didn't do an u/s and I was a little upset. I asked the nurse and she said that we wouldn't be able to see anything anyway. I knew this was false because we saw DS's hb at 6 weeks. I really wish I would have insisted on an u/s. I will next time for sure!

sbphotos · March 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. Similar to your situations, I found out Monday at 9 weeks 1 day that there was no heartbeat. However, my baby measured at 9 weeks, so I guess it must have just happened. I'm 38 and it would have been my first.

Had my d&c Wednesday. Have a look through these posts to find some wonderful, helpful information regarding the d&c if you have questions about it. I did, and it really helped to ease my nerves reading everyone's stories and knowing what to expect.

Though I'm excited to try again, I can't help but be disappointed that the innocence has been lost. I'll never feel the same way about being pregnant again. The more you read the posts on this board, the more you realize that until you have a healthy baby in your arms, you're not out of the woods. No amount of ultrasounds can help that.

I'm very sorry that you and your husband have to go through this pain. It really does suck. I guess it's these moments in life that make us stronger. Take care of yourself. This is a great place to find comfort. I know I am very grateful that this forum exists.

mah976 · March 2011

Thank you everyone. I am anxious to get the D&C over with, but so sad it is ending.

1220winterbride · March 2011

sbphotos:

I'm so sorry for your loss. Similar to your situations, I found out Monday at 9 weeks 1 day that there was no heartbeat. However, my baby measured at 9 weeks, so I guess it must have just happened. I'm 38 and it would have been my first.

Had my d&c Wednesday. Have a look through these posts to find some wonderful, helpful information regarding the d&c if you have questions about it. I did, and it really helped to ease my nerves reading everyone's stories and knowing what to expect.

Though I'm excited to try again, I can't help but be disappointed that the innocence has been lost. I'll never feel the same way about being pregnant again. The more you read the posts on this board, the more you realize that until you have a healthy baby in your arms, you're not out of the woods. No amount of ultrasounds can help that.

I'm very sorry that you and your husband have to go through this pain. It really does suck. I guess it's these moments in life that make us stronger. Take care of yourself. This is a great place to find comfort. I know I am very grateful that this forum exists.

all of this. big hug. rest yourself.

sadiesauce · March 2011

I am so so sorry.

mrsupgrade · March 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss! It's hard for many to undersand, but I don't feel the same either.

clarks415 · March 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. It does suck. And you're so right, unless you have been through it you can't possibly understand the pain. Women who have never been through it I think feel like since its common its not so bad. I can admit I never understood until having gone through it what the journey is really like. You will never be the same, you will be so much stronger, wiser, appreciative and sympathetic. You'll help so many women who will go through this same loss.

KatieBaby7 · March 2011

I am truly sorry for your loss...my T&P's are with you...

Do you mind me asking if you had any inclination that anything was wrong? Any spotting? Did you have normal pregnancy symptoms?

I hope you find the strength to heal and get yourself back on your feet...take care of youself

whitneyraulston · April 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. I too had a miscarriage just a few weeks ago. I was 12 weeks and it was our first pregnancy. There was no heartbeat, just a sac. My Dr has assured me that everything with my body is normal and healthy. My baby never measured to be as far along as it should of been. The Dr called it a chromisome error. They do not know why these things happen, nor is there anything they can do to prevent them. It can happen to anyone and is just one of those things. It is a terrible experience, and its something you cant imagine unless you've been there. The only advice I can give is to pray and lean on God. It has helped give me some peace. You are all in my prayers! God Bless.

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