How to react to FIL comment? WWYD

skits_1 · April 2011

I saw my FIL on the weekend. I know him very well and the backstory is his sense of humor is not for everyone. He often says things that most people know not to say, and then when you tell him it's not funny, he turns it around on YOU being too sensitive.

So this past weekend, we are visiting at the aunt and uncles. Door rings and they come in, DH is BBQing outside. His mom hugs me, I got to hug his dad and he says, I'm translating here it wasn't in english, "Hi big/fat girl!". I was speechless....I said a snarky comment back to him and just ignored him the rest of the evening.

This was saturday, today I am still fuming. I mentionned it to DH on the way home since he was not there to hear it. He is fuming as well, and wants to call his dad tonight to tell him those kinds of comments are unacceptable! Especially to a pregnant woman! I know FIL will just brush it off as me being "too sensitive" but honestly I do not want to hear this for the next 6 months.

FWIW I am by no means a big girl. I'm 5'0, 105lbs. I am not showing.Maybe I've gained a few lbs.

I'm trying hard to understand where he was coming from, or what the point of the comment was. Why didn't he just say you look great! How are you?

I'm pretty upset about this, and I know, I should just ignore him. But really should I have to for the next 6 months?

WWYD? Have DH call and tell him and risk raising his back, or just let it slide...

amoramoure · April 2011

Is he Latino? My family is and some of them use that term in reference to each other. I don't find it funny or appropriate at all and I usually turn it back on them. Example, "I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?" Not that anyone has said this to me, but that's what I mean by turning it around.

StefaniePace · April 2011

I would want my H to call his dad. That is crazy! And I would want my H to explain to him that you understand his sarcasm and even if it was meant to be a joke he cannot talk to you like that EVER. Yes you are pregnant.. but it would never be a good comment to say to someone... You dont want him saying stuff to your LO!

ERINPETERSON · April 2011

I would flat out tell him that that is just rude. Let him know that you would appreciate it if he stop calling you that or that he never call you that again. He probably isnt Mr.Olympia himself

Good luck to you.

skits_1 · April 2011

ERINPETERSON:
I would flat out tell him that that is just rude. Let him know that you would appreciate it if he stop calling you that or that he never call you that again. He probably isnt Mr.Olympia himself Good luck to you.

He definitely isn't Mr Olympia! hahah. Actually later at the dinner table, I told him that my belly would still be smaller than his when I was 6 months pregnant, and that I have an excuse, what's his? I was happy to turn it around on him, but I'm pretty sure he did not get the message...Yeah DH is calling him tonight.

skits_1 · April 2011

amoramoure:
Is he Latino? My family is and some of them use that term in reference to each other. I don't find it funny or appropriate at all and I usually turn it back on them. Example, "I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?" Not that anyone has said this to me, but that's what I mean by turning it around.

No, he is not latino. I've never really heard him say something like that to anyone else, but he's the kind of person that is so brutally honest, if his wife makes a meal that he does not like he will criticize her in front of everyone./

schmoodle · April 2011

Honestly, if you're 105 lbs, I would just let it slide. Obviously he wasn't actually calling you fat if you're that small. I liken it to calling a 6'5" guy shorty, it was probably facetious (and even if not, it's not as if you're actually fat). If you were heavier I would think it would be more of a sensitivity issue, but maybe that's just because I am heavy so I can't even imagine.

sandj7152010 · April 2011

I would honestly have DH give him a call. That is disrespectful, especially where you aren't showing and by no means fat! Especially at 105 lbs! I would be furious as well! I am 5'2 and totally understand where you are coming from. I started showing a bit earlier than other first time moms I know though ( i was showing at about 14 weeks). By no means, in my opinon, should anyone tell anyone else that they are "big/fat", nor greet them that way. I'm so sorry that FIL was acting like that. My DH would call him and say "look, first of all, she's pregnant, second of all, she is your DIL now and you need to treat her like you would your own daughter, and third, if that is how you are going to treat my wife, we probably wont care to come around as often." (That's just how my husband is though, he is very very protective)

I'm sorry that that happened to you! Wish I could be of more help! Good Luck!

mabma80 · April 2011

That's easy. Don't have them over anymore. If they ask why, just tell them " I don't appreciate the rude things he says. Nobody finds them funny except for him. So, if he cleans up his mouth, you guys are more then welcome to come over." And that's it. Just because they are your parents, you are also grown-ups. You can tell them a thing or two and put them in their place if needs be. Obviously it bothers your DH too, so you're not alone.

massangel · April 2011

eh, if that's all he said, I think you may be overrecting a little

bellethebride · April 2011

At 105 lbs, I wouldn't take it personally since you are obviously not fat. Really bad sense of humor. My grandma told my MIL she "got so fat" and I could tell she was offended but I think it was a cultural thing. My grandma just meant, you were so thin because you had cancer, but now you look good and healthy. Again, not appropriate but it was easier to let it slide.

My dad told me last week, "whoa, you got big in just three days." It was annoying but sometimes he just runs off at the mouth.

HandJsFirst · April 2011

schmoodle:
Honestly, if you're 105 lbs, I would just let it slide. Obviously he wasn't actually calling you fat if you're that small. I liken it to calling a 6'5" guy shorty, it was probably facetious (and even if not, it's not as if you're actually fat). If you were heavier I would think it would be more of a sensitivity issue, but maybe that's just because I am heavy so I can't even imagine.

This was my reaction too. If it is obviously not true, then I'd just laugh it off as a joke, especially since you were able to turn it around on him jokingly later.

joy143dh · April 2011

Let it go.

mairanellis · April 2011

I would just let it go. It sounds like he was trying to make a joke and didn't mean anything bad by it, unless he has a history of saying defamatory things towards you.

eli_and_jeff · April 2011

If you're barely showing, I think your being a little sensitive. My friends and family are teasing me about my new belly and big boobs. It's a joke. I know they're kidding. They know I know they're kidding. Hell, I'm cracking jokes about it. I figure if I can't laugh about it now, how am I ever going to get through being 8 months pregnant in August in Southern Louisiana? I'd let it slide.

marriedfilingjointly · April 2011

If you weigh 105 then he was either trying to be ironic and actually complimenting you, or he was just trying to get a reaction out of you, which he did. You need to let it go. People like that will just keep doing stuff to get under your skin until you stop acting like a crazy person every time it happens and the novelty wears off for them.

alison2379 · April 2011

I'd let it go. Since it's clearly not true, and you won't change him.

Lissa832 · April 2011

Maybe I'm crass, but the next time he made a rude comment, I would look at him and simply say, "go fvck yourself." That is all.

mytwobabies · April 2011

If that is just his sense of humor then he probably didnt mean anything by it. DF's step dad picks fun of everyone but doesnt mean it in a hurtful way. If it bothered you that much and you think that something good would come from your husband calling him then have him call but it might just start drama. Maybe you should tell him yourself that you were offended at his remark and you'd appreciate a little more respect in the future.

rubyshoes7 · April 2011

Some people seriously just don't know what tact is. Honestly though, you know you're not fat, so don't let it get to you. I know it can be really hard especially since you said he seems to have a track record with his "jokes". My dad is the same way, he is critical but plays it off like he's joking. Respond pleasantly/sweetly. Nothing pisses people off more, especially if they expect you to react sensitively.

SoxFan777 · April 2011

marriedfilingjointly:

If you weigh 105 then he was either trying to be ironic and actually complimenting you, or he was just trying to get a reaction out of you, which he did. You need to let it go. People like that will just keep doing stuff to get under your skin until you stop acting like a crazy person every time it happens and the novelty wears off for them.

I agree. Let it go.

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