Really Sad....

jesscopp12 · October 2008

Hi Ladies, I have never posted on this bored but I have a few questions about going back to work after I have my baby. I have no choice but to return to work after I have the baby. I have 8 to 12 weeks maternity leave and then its back to work and I will be putting our baby in daycare. I get really sad everytime I think about having to put my little baby girl into a daycare at such a young age but I know I have to do it. How did you all handle this? Was it as tough as I think its going to be? I'm 21 weeks pregnant now and this is all I can think about. It also deosn't help when just about every mom I know is a stay at home mom and they are always asking me how Im going to be able to handle it. I feel like when I tell someone I'm returing back to work after the baby is born I get a negative response from them. It just sucks. I struggle with this alot. Please tell me it will be okay!!

madhatter2003 · October 2008

It'll be fine. I won't lie, the first few days (and weeks) will be rough, but I've found my DD gets so much out of going to daycare that now I can't imagine not sending her. She loves it, loves her teachers, and they do so many things I either wouldn't have the time or skills to do (various arts and crafts, even little cooking projects, etc).

jennie13 · October 2008

I completely agree with the pp. I went back to work at 12 weeks and it was one the hardest things I've ever had to do. I never thought I'd want to be a SAHM, but I would've given anything to be able to. DD loves daycare and it is definitely harder on me. Two months later, it's still not easy, but it does make the time we do have together that much better. I'm at the point now where I think we are all better off with me working.

ai&Jas · October 2008

I'm sorry you are feeling this way! The thought of going back to work after having a baby is very daunting and it certainly doesnt get any easier especially when you have people who are not supportive saying silly things like that to you! I wont lie- my own mother was not supportive of me going back to work and some of my SAHM also couldnt see how I would handle it but there are so many good working moms on here who are very supportive!

It is hard and sad in the beginning but you also need to think of the positives. For me- I love my DD very much but i also really enjoy working and being stimulated outside of the house. The fact that i can work to help suport my house hold and to provide our family with the little extras (holidays, not having to stress about finances as much as I would if we had 1 income) in life also means a lot to me. PLUS, for me- I definitely could not do all the wonderful things that her daycare provides ie painting, sensory stimulation, social development etc. My DD LOVES daycare and they love her and I am teaching her to be an independent person who has many strong role models to look up to, not just mummy and daddy.

Having said this- I do make more than my husband and some days when the going gets rough I do wish that I could be a SAHM but those days are few and far between.

Just take it one day at a time and you might actually enjoy being a working mother when the time comes

jesscopp12 · October 2008

Thank you soooo much! reading the post have already me feel better...still a little sad but definitley looking up Big Smile

beenbizzy · October 2008

For me, the anticipation of going back to work was much worse than actually doing it. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy, but it didn't take long before it became normal. DS's teachers love him and I know he loves 'school' and his friends. No, it doesn't help that all of your friends are SAHMs. However, I bet there are some real benefits to you going back to work. Make a list of them. Remind yourself (and your friends if you need to) that by working, why it is helping your family. It is normal to be sad, but don't let it overwhelm your pregnancy - enjoy it.

Plus, don't forget to come talk to us, we are a great support group!

kgb1411 · October 2008

I absolutely sympathize. I have been working for 7 weeks now. It was hard leaving my little one in daycare, and it still is. My family is filled with women who either quit their jobs or went to work part time when they had kids. My DH doesn't want me to do that because he knows I like my job and became a little crazy about the cleanliness of our closets during my maternity leave. So, I started looking for objective evidence that I needed to stay at home. I couldn't find any. There have been multiple studies done on kids and infants in daycare and their levels of stress hormones and frequency of illness when they are older. It looks like if you have your child in a good, high-quality daycare, they are not more stressed or more sick than if you keep them at home. Especially if the caregivers remain the same (and they do in most infant rooms). (They are a little more sick when they are infants, but that doesn't translate into any long term effects)

Maybride2 · October 2008

I absolutely agree with beenbizzy - the anticipation of going back to work was FAR worse than actually going back was for me.

The hardest part was dropping DS off that first day - I cried as I left and about half-way to work. But by the time I got to work, I was fine - in fact, I felt more "normal" than I had in a long time, because I was back at work with my peers again.

I'm not going to lie - I still miss my son like crazy and it's been 9 months since I've been back to work. But I'll also admit this - I very much enjoy being back at work. DS loves his daycare, and I honestly feel like he is way more stimulated there than he would be if he were home with me every day........in fact, I think he gets bored on the weekends because he doesn't have all of his friends and toys to play with.

Don't let yourself get depressed over this - it is what it is, and you can make the best of it if you choose to.

skittles_123 · October 2008

I have been a working mom for over two years now. It gets easier, but it is still hard to this day for me. I had always thought I wanted to be a working mom, but after I had my ds that changed. But, financially we have no choice. Plus, I had and still have to this day a lot of pressure from my dh's family to stay home. My dh is actually very supportive of me working, he saw how much his parents struggled to put food on the table and all the opportunities to provide certain extras were never there, because his mom was a sahm. He didn't want that for our children and neither did I.

I don't think I could ever be a great sahm 100% of the time, but I do know there may be some opportunities that present themselves soon that may allow me to reduce down to a 80% employee and drop both my kids down to a 2 day a week part time daycare program. I would actually be bringing home the same after daycare costs as I do know, so it is very tempting. Doing a lot of praying about that.

Back when I returned to work at 12 wks with my ds, he stayed with one of our friends that was a sahm for over a year before he started a daycare/preschool program. My dd stayed with my mil until she was about 5 1/2 months old and then started her daycare. This helped the transition for me a lot.

So, explore your options while you have time. Being a working mom does have its advantages as you have been told already. The grass is always greener on the other side, just remember that! We all have been where you have been, and we are making it okay!

AlisaS · October 2008

Your child will be just fine. Tell your friends that you feel comfortable with your decision and end the conversation. If you "have" to work, then find something that you enjoy or cultivate hobbies and a life outside of work that fulfills you.

MrsSledge · October 2008

It was hard the first few days and I cried on the way to work, but being that young, DD didn't cry at all. Once I got back to work, I realized that I really enjoyed it, working at an office, being around adults, being able to talk about DD to someone other than DH and my mom.

For those first 7 weeks my whole life revolved around baby poop, breastfeeding schedules, counting wet diapers, swaddling, every little noise or movement she made...it was exhausting. When I went back to work, I felt like I rejoined the world of adults. Before going back to work, DH had pretty much been practically cut out of my life because everything was focused so completely on DD. Once I got away from her for a bit, I was able to refocus back on DH. It just worked out to be a very good thing for our family.

daisybride** · November 2008

I too have a DD that has been in daycare for about 2 years. I've never been completely happy with it, but it's the hand I've been dealt in life so I've learned to deal with it and enjoy the time we do have together as much as I can. The first year was tough - I felt like I missed so much of her life and I was pretty miserable. Now at 2, I am more comfortable with it - sometimes I'm even relieved to get away when she is in her "terrible 2s"! I still would give it up to stay home with her, but I know that would have it's stresses as well.

jerseygirl81 · November 2008

I just came back last Wednesday, also at 12 weeks. It wasn't easy, but it's getting better every day. I cried the first 2 days when I dropped him off, but I can handle it with no tears at this point, a week later. I still get sad about it and I'm sure I always will, but it's a fact of my life. I like working and I like the security of having 2 incomes, especially with the current economic situation, so I deal with it.

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