Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
izzourclue
member
Re: XP from 3-6: Interesting link/article re: the c-section experience
Thank you for posting this! I don't come to this board often, but I decided to come over here today and so happy I did. This article describes my feelings and thoughts exactly. I will have DH read it too, since I haven't been able to verbalize my own feelings to him.
Mine as well.
Me too! And everyone said the healthy baby thing to me and I could not explain why it hurt me so badly. I definitely think this would be helpful for DH and my mom to read.
You're welcome. I'm glad it hit home and you can use it to help you express yourself. I had my DH read it too.
Its interesting. Of the women on 3-6 that did not share these feelings, one was scheduled due to a breech baby and one had her baby at 29 weeks so obviously her c-section was the least of her worries. There were a couple that had unplanned sections that weren't particularly affected by them too, but I think if mine had been scheduled and I could have come to terms with it before it happened, I would have dealt with it better. I had a very long labor and over 4 hours of pushing only to end up with a section. Heartbreaking for me.
That is interesting. I also find that, even on this board, it seems people have a less difficult time with repeat c/s, especially when planned.
I definitely think you are right, when you go into knowing that's what is going to happen it gives you time to grieve up front, before you are holding that baby in your arms with those conflicting emotions. Also, you don't start labor thinking things are going to be one way then have to process the change when you are already exhausted physically and mentally.
I'm happy on this board that we have a wide range of experiences. There is definitely no right or wrong way to feel about how you gave birth.
I think we are one and done partially due to our age, partially due to my birth experience and we never really had a number of children in our minds. However, if I were to get pregnant again, I think I've already decided on a repeat c-section. I DD got stuck behind my pubic bone, so I'm worried that I can never push a baby out and really don't want to try again only to end up with a section anyway. I've come to terms with this and I think I would be ok with a repeat one. I think its always better when you feel in control. When you are in labor/pushing and they say its time for a c-section, everything happens so fast, you feel out of control. Before you know it you're being cut open and your hear your baby crying but can't see her, you're telling your SO to go to her, but he doesn't want to leave you. Its all just so chaotic when its unplanned. Then to have to process what happened along with all the other post partum crap can be really hard.
My c/s was due to DD being breech, so I agree with you that my experience could have been much different than the experiences of others because I did have a chance to prepare myself. Also, it seems that I was lucky because my DH came into the OR with me and sat in front of me as my spinal was being administered, so I didn't have any feelings of loneliness from the start.
My doctor gave me the choice of doing a RCS or a VBAC. After doing lots of research, asking a few questions (and reading a lot of posts) here, and talking with my doctor, I have chose a RCS.
This is one of the things I want to request if I have another c/s. It seems weird to me that many hospitals don't want the husband in the room for the prep but he can be in the room for the actual surgery. I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind that.
For me it's just I've never had my heart set on a vaginal birth. I would have gone drug-free if I could but if not, whatever. I was induced, overdue, with absolutely no progress. I felt that if my body was going to do it, then the induction would take and if it didn't I wasn't going to force it to do something that maybe it's *not* made to do. When the pitocin did nothing it was my choice to proceed with the c/s - my doc and I had thoroughly discussed that before hand.
Even now, I go back and forth on whether I even want a vbac. Right now there's a large part of me that really just wants to have the section again since it's what I know and my experience was not negative at all. One of the things in the article that bothered my was the comment about not holding the baby until hours after birth. Incidentally, when I told the OB this morning that I was thinking of changing my mind back to RCS, she was still suggesting I check out the vbac class in July. So I don't know.
izzourclue, I'm a fellow January Momma and I really feel for your birth experience. I read your birth story after your LO was born and it sounds very similar to what I experienced with DS#1. I pushed for 3 hours before I was put into a c-section. Baby was posterior and stuck in my pelvis. I know the feelings of defeat, feeling like you missed bonding with your child, and the disappointment in not getting the birth you were hoping for.
I just wanted to tell you I felt for you when I read your story and I feel for you now. It's difficult to decide what to do should you decide to have another baby. I opted to try a VBAC because I knew if I didn't I would always wonder if I could have done it. My VBAC, although successful, was not pretty, but it really helped me come to terms with my first birth experience and appreciate it for what it was. Despite all the emotions, my little c-section baby has grown to be the most amazing toddler who brings me so much joy that it far outweighs the pain I felt from his birth. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you will heal, and you should know there are many ladies here who understand what you are going through :-)
I was in the same situation. I had a vaginal birth with DD1, but DD2 was breech from 30 weeks on and never budged despite trying pretty much every trick/technique for flipping her. I had time to come to terms with the fact that despite the fact that I didn't want one, a c/s was getting more and more likely with every week that passed. We were going to try a version before a c/s, but my water broke two days before it was scheduled, and so we never got a chance to.
While that blog post doesn't really reflect my experience of a c/s or my feelings about it, it does make me appreciate my hospital. DH was with me every step of the way, right down to standing in front of me and holding my hands while I got the spinal. My arms were not tied down, and my chest and arms were covered in freshly warmed blankets that were very comforting in the cold OR, and the anesthesiologist was attentive and great about telling both of us what was happening. The nurses took DD2 straight to the warmer, but it was in my line of sight; DH brought her to me so we could have a few minutes together, and within about 40 minutes of her being born, I was nursing her in recovery and DH was there with both of us.
Granted, my c/s was urgent but not emergency and neither of us had complications -- but it seems like more hospitals could take those kind of reasonable steps to make the c/s process less isolating for moms.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
I agree completely. My c/s experience wasn't bad at all. I *was* emotional about needing one after three days of labor, but the c/s *itself* was totally fine. I thought it was so weird when I heard people say they were awful. Then I read some birth stories and was totally blown away by some of these things... separating mom and baby for hours when there are no problems?! not allowing husbands to be there?! not taking a few seconds to explain what's going on, so you aren't totally bewildered?! It just seems like common sense. I'm very thankful that my hospital made the experience as good as it could have been under the circumstances (also urgent but not emergency, no complications).
Those stories make me sad. My c/s itself was a pretty unpleasant experience for me but I'm very thankful that the hospital never separated me from my baby. They let my husband and doula be there for the birth. I was able to hold the baby as soon as I was stitched up and breastfeed her as soon as I was ready. Those moments were really important to me. I can't believe there are hospitals that still routinely separate mothers and babies simply because of a cesarean.
Thank you Sara. I am much better now. DD and I have bonded well and I think I've come to terms with how everything went down. We are BFing well and neither of us have any physical issues so I'm thankful.