XP from 3-6: Interesting link/article re: the c-section experience

izzourclue · April 2011

Its about the c-section experience and tries to make others understand how it feels. Pretty right on with my feelings and experience.

https://birthingbeautifulideas.com/?p=142

Sorry its not linky.

vette_99 · April 2011

Thank you for posting this! I don't come to this board often, but I decided to come over here today and so happy I did. This article describes my feelings and thoughts exactly. I will have DH read it too, since I haven't been able to verbalize my own feelings to him.

calex33 · April 2011

Interesting. But, my experience/feelings are completely opposite.

+diana82+ · April 2011

calex33:
Interesting. But, my experience/feelings are completely opposite.

Mine as well.

emaddock · April 2011

My feelings were exactly the same--the aloneness, the pain both physical and emotional, being the last to hold the baby. That was so hurtful. While I was told my section was "emergency" I am now starting to doubt this. I am hoping to do a midwife the next time around.

Lisa and Mickey · April 2011

emaddock:
My feelings were exactly the same--the aloneness, the pain both physical and emotional, being the last to hold the baby. That was so hurtful.

Me too! And everyone said the healthy baby thing to me and I could not explain why it hurt me so badly. I definitely think this would be helpful for DH and my mom to read.

leb2be · April 2011

i think that article was really well written. if i have a c-section this time around, i think i will be more prepared emotionally. with that said, nobody in my family ever demeaned my feelings. i was the one that did that to myself!

izzourclue · April 2011

vette_99:
Thank you for posting this! I don't come to this board often, but I decided to come over here today and so happy I did. This article describes my feelings and thoughts exactly. I will have DH read it too, since I haven't been able to verbalize my own feelings to him.

You're welcome. I'm glad it hit home and you can use it to help you express yourself. I had my DH read it too.

izzourclue · April 2011

+diana82+:
calex33:
Interesting. But, my experience/feelings are completely opposite.
Mine as well.

Its interesting. Of the women on 3-6 that did not share these feelings, one was scheduled due to a breech baby and one had her baby at 29 weeks so obviously her c-section was the least of her worries. There were a couple that had unplanned sections that weren't particularly affected by them too, but I think if mine had been scheduled and I could have come to terms with it before it happened, I would have dealt with it better. I had a very long labor and over 4 hours of pushing only to end up with a section. Heartbreaking for me.

Lisa and Mickey · April 2011

izzourclue:
+diana82+:
calex33:
Interesting. But, my experience/feelings are completely opposite.
Mine as well.

Its interesting. Of the women on 3-6 that did not share these feelings, one was scheduled due to a breech baby and one had her baby at 29 weeks so obviously her c-section was the least of her worries. There were a couple that had unplanned sections that weren't particularly affected by them too, but I think if mine had been scheduled and I could have come to terms with it before it happened, I would have dealt with it better. I had a very long labor and over 4 hours of pushing only to end up with a section. Heartbreaking for me.

That is interesting. I also find that, even on this board, it seems people have a less difficult time with repeat c/s, especially when planned.

I definitely think you are right, when you go into knowing that's what is going to happen it gives you time to grieve up front, before you are holding that baby in your arms with those conflicting emotions. Also, you don't start labor thinking things are going to be one way then have to process the change when you are already exhausted physically and mentally.

iris427 · April 2011

izzourclue:
+diana82+:
calex33:
Interesting. But, my experience/feelings are completely opposite.
Mine as well.

Its interesting. Of the women on 3-6 that did not share these feelings, one was scheduled due to a breech baby and one had her baby at 29 weeks so obviously her c-section was the least of her worries. There were a couple that had unplanned sections that weren't particularly affected by them too, but I think if mine had been scheduled and I could have come to terms with it before it happened, I would have dealt with it better. I had a very long labor and over 4 hours of pushing only to end up with a section. Heartbreaking for me.

I'm happy on this board that we have a wide range of experiences. There is definitely no right or wrong way to feel about how you gave birth.

izzourclue · April 2011

Lisa and Mickey:
izzourclue:
+diana82+:
calex33:
Interesting. But, my experience/feelings are completely opposite.
Mine as well.

Its interesting. Of the women on 3-6 that did not share these feelings, one was scheduled due to a breech baby and one had her baby at 29 weeks so obviously her c-section was the least of her worries. There were a couple that had unplanned sections that weren't particularly affected by them too, but I think if mine had been scheduled and I could have come to terms with it before it happened, I would have dealt with it better. I had a very long labor and over 4 hours of pushing only to end up with a section. Heartbreaking for me.

That is interesting. I also find that, even on this board, it seems people have a less difficult time with repeat c/s, especially when planned.
I definitely think you are right, when you go into knowing that's what is going to happen it gives you time to grieve up front, before you are holding that baby in your arms with those conflicting emotions. Also, you don't start labor thinking things are going to be one way then have to process the change when you are already exhausted physically and mentally.

I think we are one and done partially due to our age, partially due to my birth experience and we never really had a number of children in our minds. However, if I were to get pregnant again, I think I've already decided on a repeat c-section. I DD got stuck behind my pubic bone, so I'm worried that I can never push a baby out and really don't want to try again only to end up with a section anyway. I've come to terms with this and I think I would be ok with a repeat one. I think its always better when you feel in control. When you are in labor/pushing and they say its time for a c-section, everything happens so fast, you feel out of control. Before you know it you're being cut open and your hear your baby crying but can't see her, you're telling your SO to go to her, but he doesn't want to leave you. Its all just so chaotic when its unplanned. Then to have to process what happened along with all the other post partum crap can be really hard.

calex33 · April 2011

My c/s was due to DD being breech, so I agree with you that my experience could have been much different than the experiences of others because I did have a chance to prepare myself. Also, it seems that I was lucky because my DH came into the OR with me and sat in front of me as my spinal was being administered, so I didn't have any feelings of loneliness from the start.

My doctor gave me the choice of doing a RCS or a VBAC. After doing lots of research, asking a few questions (and reading a lot of posts) here, and talking with my doctor, I have chose a RCS.

iris427 · April 2011

calex33:
My c/s was due to DD being breech, so I agree with you that my experience could have been much different than the experiences of others because I did have a chance to prepare myself. Also, it seems that I was lucky because my DH came into the OR with me and sat in front of me as my spinal was being administered, so I didn't have any feelings of loneliness from the start.
My doctor gave me the choice of doing a RCS or a VBAC. After doing lots of research, asking a few questions (and reading a lot of posts) here, and talking with my doctor, I have chose a RCS.

This is one of the things I want to request if I have another c/s. It seems weird to me that many hospitals don't want the husband in the room for the prep but he can be in the room for the actual surgery. I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind that.

+diana82+ · April 2011

izzourclue:
+diana82+:
calex33:
Interesting. But, my experience/feelings are completely opposite.
Mine as well.

Its interesting. Of the women on 3-6 that did not share these feelings, one was scheduled due to a breech baby and one had her baby at 29 weeks so obviously her c-section was the least of her worries. There were a couple that had unplanned sections that weren't particularly affected by them too, but I think if mine had been scheduled and I could have come to terms with it before it happened, I would have dealt with it better. I had a very long labor and over 4 hours of pushing only to end up with a section. Heartbreaking for me.

For me it's just I've never had my heart set on a vaginal birth. I would have gone drug-free if I could but if not, whatever. I was induced, overdue, with absolutely no progress. I felt that if my body was going to do it, then the induction would take and if it didn't I wasn't going to force it to do something that maybe it's *not* made to do. When the pitocin did nothing it was my choice to proceed with the c/s - my doc and I had thoroughly discussed that before hand.

Even now, I go back and forth on whether I even want a vbac. Right now there's a large part of me that really just wants to have the section again since it's what I know and my experience was not negative at all. One of the things in the article that bothered my was the comment about not holding the baby until hours after birth. Incidentally, when I told the OB this morning that I was thinking of changing my mind back to RCS, she was still suggesting I check out the vbac class in July. So I don't know.

Gipper0809 · April 2011

That article described my feelings perfectly. I felt so guilty everytime someone said something to me about how at least Reagan was healthy and I was so resentful of how everything had happened. And I firmly believe my awful c/s and recovery experience contributed to the hard time bonding with DD that I had. I felt like such an awful mother for the longest time. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone.

SaraLynn21 · April 2011

izzourclue:

+diana82+:

calex33:
Interesting. But, my experience/feelings are completely opposite.

Mine as well.

Its interesting. Of the women on 3-6 that did not share these feelings, one was scheduled due to a breech baby and one had her baby at 29 weeks so obviously her c-section was the least of her worries. There were a couple that had unplanned sections that weren't particularly affected by them too, but I think if mine had been scheduled and I could have come to terms with it before it happened, I would have dealt with it better. I had a very long labor and over 4 hours of pushing only to end up with a section. Heartbreaking for me.

izzourclue, I'm a fellow January Momma and I really feel for your birth experience. I read your birth story after your LO was born and it sounds very similar to what I experienced with DS#1. I pushed for 3 hours before I was put into a c-section. Baby was posterior and stuck in my pelvis. I know the feelings of defeat, feeling like you missed bonding with your child, and the disappointment in not getting the birth you were hoping for.

I just wanted to tell you I felt for you when I read your story and I feel for you now. It's difficult to decide what to do should you decide to have another baby. I opted to try a VBAC because I knew if I didn't I would always wonder if I could have done it. My VBAC, although successful, was not pretty, but it really helped me come to terms with my first birth experience and appreciate it for what it was. Despite all the emotions, my little c-section baby has grown to be the most amazing toddler who brings me so much joy that it far outweighs the pain I felt from his birth. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you will heal, and you should know there are many ladies here who understand what you are going through :-)

lite-bright · April 2011

calex33:
My c/s was due to DD being breech, so I agree with you that my experience could have been much different than the experiences of others because I did have a chance to prepare myself. Also, it seems that I was lucky because my DH came into the OR with me and sat in front of me as my spinal was being administered, so I didn't have any feelings of loneliness from the start.

I was in the same situation. I had a vaginal birth with DD1, but DD2 was breech from 30 weeks on and never budged despite trying pretty much every trick/technique for flipping her. I had time to come to terms with the fact that despite the fact that I didn't want one, a c/s was getting more and more likely with every week that passed. We were going to try a version before a c/s, but my water broke two days before it was scheduled, and so we never got a chance to.

While that blog post doesn't really reflect my experience of a c/s or my feelings about it, it does make me appreciate my hospital. DH was with me every step of the way, right down to standing in front of me and holding my hands while I got the spinal. My arms were not tied down, and my chest and arms were covered in freshly warmed blankets that were very comforting in the cold OR, and the anesthesiologist was attentive and great about telling both of us what was happening. The nurses took DD2 straight to the warmer, but it was in my line of sight; DH brought her to me so we could have a few minutes together, and within about 40 minutes of her being born, I was nursing her in recovery and DH was there with both of us.

Granted, my c/s was urgent but not emergency and neither of us had complications -- but it seems like more hospitals could take those kind of reasonable steps to make the c/s process less isolating for moms.

lorryfach · April 2011

lite-bright:

Granted, my c/s was urgent but not emergency and neither of us had complications -- but it seems like more hospitals could take those kind of reasonable steps to make the c/s process less isolating for moms.

I agree completely. My c/s experience wasn't bad at all. I *was* emotional about needing one after three days of labor, but the c/s *itself* was totally fine. I thought it was so weird when I heard people say they were awful. Then I read some birth stories and was totally blown away by some of these things... separating mom and baby for hours when there are no problems?! not allowing husbands to be there?! not taking a few seconds to explain what's going on, so you aren't totally bewildered?! It just seems like common sense. I'm very thankful that my hospital made the experience as good as it could have been under the circumstances (also urgent but not emergency, no complications).

iris427 · April 2011

lorryfach:
lite-bright:

Granted, my c/s was urgent but not emergency and neither of us had complications -- but it seems like more hospitals could take those kind of reasonable steps to make the c/s process less isolating for moms.
I agree completely. My c/s experience wasn't bad at all. I *was* emotional about needing one after three days of labor, but the c/s *itself* was totally fine. I thought it was so weird when I heard people say they were awful. Then I read some birth stories and was totally blown away by some of these things... separating mom and baby for hours when there are no problems?! not allowing husbands to be there?! not taking a few seconds to explain what's going on, so you aren't totally bewildered?! It just seems like common sense. I'm very thankful that my hospital made the experience as good as it could have been under the circumstances (also urgent but not emergency, no complications).

Those stories make me sad. My c/s itself was a pretty unpleasant experience for me but I'm very thankful that the hospital never separated me from my baby. They let my husband and doula be there for the birth. I was able to hold the baby as soon as I was stitched up and breastfeed her as soon as I was ready. Those moments were really important to me. I can't believe there are hospitals that still routinely separate mothers and babies simply because of a cesarean.

izzourclue · April 2011

SaraLynn21:
izzourclue:

+diana82+:

calex33:
Interesting. But, my experience/feelings are completely opposite.

Mine as well.

Its interesting. Of the women on 3-6 that did not share these feelings, one was scheduled due to a breech baby and one had her baby at 29 weeks so obviously her c-section was the least of her worries. There were a couple that had unplanned sections that weren't particularly affected by them too, but I think if mine had been scheduled and I could have come to terms with it before it happened, I would have dealt with it better. I had a very long labor and over 4 hours of pushing only to end up with a section. Heartbreaking for me.

izzourclue, I'm a fellow January Momma and I really feel for your birth experience. I read your birth story after your LO was born and it sounds very similar to what I experienced with DS#1. I pushed for 3 hours before I was put into a c-section. Baby was posterior and stuck in my pelvis. I know the feelings of defeat, feeling like you missed bonding with your child, and the disappointment in not getting the birth you were hoping for.

I just wanted to tell you I felt for you when I read your story and I feel for you now. It's difficult to decide what to do should you decide to have another baby. I opted to try a VBAC because I knew if I didn't I would always wonder if I could have done it. My VBAC, although successful, was not pretty, but it really helped me come to terms with my first birth experience and appreciate it for what it was. Despite all the emotions, my little c-section baby has grown to be the most amazing toddler who brings me so much joy that it far outweighs the pain I felt from his birth. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you will heal, and you should know there are many ladies here who understand what you are going through :-)

Thank you Sara. I am much better now. DD and I have bonded well and I think I've come to terms with how everything went down. We are BFing well and neither of us have any physical issues so I'm thankful.

CherryStarburst · April 2011

iris427:
lorryfach:
lite-bright:

Granted, my c/s was urgent but not emergency and neither of us had complications -- but it seems like more hospitals could take those kind of reasonable steps to make the c/s process less isolating for moms.
I agree completely. My c/s experience wasn't bad at all. I *was* emotional about needing one after three days of labor, but the c/s *itself* was totally fine. I thought it was so weird when I heard people say they were awful. Then I read some birth stories and was totally blown away by some of these things... separating mom and baby for hours when there are no problems?! not allowing husbands to be there?! not taking a few seconds to explain what's going on, so you aren't totally bewildered?! It just seems like common sense. I'm very thankful that my hospital made the experience as good as it could have been under the circumstances (also urgent but not emergency, no complications).
Those stories make me sad. My c/s itself was a pretty unpleasant experience for me but I'm very thankful that the hospital never separated me from my baby. They let my husband and doula be there for the birth. I was able to hold the baby as soon as I was stitched up and breastfeed her as soon as I was ready. Those moments were really important to me. I can't believe there are hospitals that still routinely separate mothers and babies simply because of a cesarean.

That was my experience actually. I was in isolated recovery for 3 hours just sobbing. No one told me what was going on or where my H or baby were! I was also really thirsty for some reason and wasn't allowed to drink anything. For some reason that REALLY upset me, LOL! I wonder why here couldnt have been someone in there with me.

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XP from 3-6: Interesting link/article re: the c-section experience

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