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June 2011 Moms
NBR: Are you close to your ILs?
My ILs are very nice, but they do not come around much at all. I have a feeling that our LO will not really know them at all. I feel like the expectation is that DH and I will be running around to visit them so that they can see the baby. IMO, they should be coming to us. My BIL and his wife live 35 minutes away and they have only been over 1 time. They were shopping near our home last week and didn't bother to call or visit. With that being said, I'm sure our LO won't have a clue who they are. My FIL and MIL will probably visit, but my FIL doesn't like spending the night at anyone's house. My SIL and her husband are 5 hours away and have a very busy lifestyle.
Are any of you concerned about an issue like this?
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Re: NBR: Are you close to your ILs?
we see my in laws a little too frequently for my liking - they travel to watch my husband play football every second weekend - so they wil certainly be around LO from day dot frequently, I think my parents will probably see LO about once month - which is nice - it gives them a chance to spoilt LO a bit more than they would if they saw him or her every weekend!
i'm not really concerned - i think things will change when you have kids and people will understand they have to make more of an effort if they want to see you
My ILs are very family-oriented. Since DH and I started going out a little over 10 years ago, they have always treated me like family.
We see them every other weekend, sometimes more often depending on our schedules. They live 45 minutes away.
MIL has told us that she is taking 2 weeks off in June to help us out in the house or baby. She told us this I think in December. I was very flattered and thankful. My ILs raised 3 admirable children, now adults, and lucky for me we get along and they have never been pushy. If anything, I am looking forward to MIL's cooking and I'm sure DH is too! lol
My ILs live about 3 hours away from us and have only driven over to visit us one time in 4 years (and for only a few hours - just long enough to exchange Christmas gifts). On the other hand, DH and I visit them for weekend stays several times each year. We don't mind going to visit them, but we'd really appreciate if they could make the drive every once in awhile, too.
They always make the excuse that our schedule is too busy on the weekends, since DH works every other weekend. But we've always offered to sit down with a calendar and choose one of the 2 weekends each month that DH is off from work and that we'll set it aside to plan for them to come for a visit. They have yet to take us up on this offer.
MIL did mention to me today (we while we were staying at her house this weekend for a baby shower) that they plan to come for a visit once the baby is born. We'll see if they do - I think they probably will now that there is a grandchild involved, but we'll see how often it happens.
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DD: June 2011
TTC# 2: April 2014
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My MIL said that she will not be coming to help, because she didn't do it for any of her other grandchildren. My mom and sister will be coming, so I'll be fine. My SIL said to call her if I ever needed anything. Problem is...she doesn't answer her phone or return my calls, so I can't depend on her for anything.DH and I will be fine, but I come from a close family and expected the same thing from his side of the family...boy was I wrong!
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We live in the same city, less than a mile away from eachother (and 90% of H's family), and as MIL is our primary caregiver for our girls for the first year or so (after my mat leave), I see them every day.
DH is an only child and I was worried they would smother us, but luckily for me they are very respectful of our privacy. They never come by unannounced and are very helpful with our children. They adore our girls, spoil them rotten, and always help when we need it. We are so so lucky the MIL doesn't work outside the home. Not only has it saved us thousands of dollars in daycare, but I don't know that we would have had 3 children if I had to put an infant in a daycare center. It's just not something I could do.
I'm not a touchy person, so I don't hug or kiss them or tell them I love them, but I think we're close.
I'm fairly close with my in-laws but not super close. They live 13 hours away so we only see them 4-5 times a year... BIL & his wife live 5 1/2 hours away and we only see them about once or twice a year. It makes me sad because I would love for our kids to get to hang out more and for our little girl to know her cousins and grandma and grandpa but it's hard because we are so spread out. MIL & FIL have spent the majority of the last 4 years visiting DH's brother instead of us because they already had the grandchild so I worry about how much our little one will get to visit with her grandparents once she arrives. I just wish we all lived closer so we could see everyone a lot more frequently.
FIL lives 2 miles away. MIL lives 8 miles away. They are divorced. We see each of them separately about once every two months unless we make a big effort. Our DS has seen one of his uncles 4 times since birth as my BIL makes absolutely NO effort to come "home" at all.
My family is super close and we get together often so DH feels guilty for not doing the same with his family. We have tried having more family get-togethers so that my ILs feel welcome, but to be honest, I'm sick of always taking the initiative. His mom talks all the time about wanting to babysit, but is never available when we ask.
All in all, my ILs are fine and perfectly nice, but we're just not that close.
We see them about once a month-- a lot less than that since DH told them I'm not doing a 2 hr crowded train ride in my third trimester...
I have a feeling LO won't know them very well-- they aren't really baby people and I don't see them really trying much. Also, MIL has made it clear she "hates little girls"... DH is the favorite son or we prob would see them even less!
My parents live much farther, but they already are trying to figure out skype and their vacation schedules for the next year so they can make sure LO knows them.
I guess it's just different with people who expect you to make the effort for them, or who will make the effort themselves...
I'm actually WAY more concerned that my child won't know my parents.
My IL's are a 25 minute drive away, and we see them at least once a month, more in the summer.
My parents, on the other hand, are 3000 miles away, and neither us or my family will be able to afford to fly back and forth more than once, maybe twice a year at most.
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Yes, and I like that we are close. They live about 3 hours away so we don't see them as often as we would like, but definitely make the time. I wish they came here more, but I know that will change once LO arrives.
And my parents and ILs get along which is very cool. My mom and MIL went on a grandma shopping spree on Friday. They took me out to lunch and basically stared at me like I was a piece of meat the whole time. Their excitement is cute, but overwhelming (it's their first grandchild for both).
My parents live here so they'll be around a lot. MIL wants to come help after baby is born; which I'm very thankful for. But I do want to have the first week or two just DH and I trying to figure things out ourselves. She said she would give us that time if we need it, so that's good. I don't mind if they stay at a hotel first...but at the same time if I end up having a Csection I might want more help or help sooner. We'll see. Regardless, we'll have a lot of help which is great.