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Toddlers: 24 Months+
charlaNIKol
member
Moms of 2+, it will get better, right?
charlaNIKol
member
First off, I'm alone with the boys almost all of the time. DH is a freight engineer and works on call, is usually home about 8-10 hours, gone 3 days.
I'm struggling with the exhaustion of a newborn, plus DS1 decided he was ready to potty train NOW, plus DS1 isn't doing well with me spending so much time nursing DS2. He's great with DS2 for the most part, but the time I spend nursing DS2 really seems to bug DS1. I try to involve him, read him a book while I'm nursing or something, but he wants no part of it. As soon as DS2 makes a noise, DS1 yells, "baby crying! pacifier, pacifier!" When DS2 wakes I tell DS1 I'm going to get Isaac and feed him, DS1 says no no momma no. Before I nurse DS2, I ask DS1 if he would like a snack, drink, to use the potty, etc. He almost always says no. So I start nursing and he asks for things. I've tried asking him to wait, he melts down. I've tried getting what he wants while nursing, it's hard. I'm sure it's going to get even harder as DS2 gets bigger. I've tried preparing and having things out I think he may 'need' while I'm nursing, but he always wants something different. I know he's doing it for attention, but I'm not sure what the best way to handle it is.
When I'm trying to get DS2 to sleep, DS1 purposely screams (happy or upset), again for attention. So that wakes DS2 and it takes me forever to get him to sleep.
DS2 constantly begs to go bye in the car, I have no idea how to handle it. I tell him no and he just keeps begging. When we do go bye, we pull in the driveway and he's asking to go bye - drives me insane. This started before DS2. I guess he's bored at our house, but we play and he seems to be having fun.
DS2 is a very loud baby when he sleeps - grunts, groans, baas, etc. I can never tell if he's going to sleep, waking, or doing it in his sleep. Sometimes I'm *sure* he's wide awake so I go to get him and he's sleeping soundly. It's hard for me to sleep when he does at night because I can never tell what's going on - it sounds like a barn yard lol.
This is long (sorry) and probably not making much sense. DS2 is 7 weeks old, takes awhile to nurse, but is otherwise a calm, relaxed baby. I'm just tired and frustrated, I'm hoping you all will have some tips and/or reassure me that it *will* get better. 
DH does help when he's home, but he's home so little that it's just not cutting it right now. To top all of this off, I have 2 kidney stones (both are too large to pass on their own), and found out I have stones in my appendix. So I'm not exactly feeling 100%.
Ok, one last thing. For those of you that've been through this, do you remember about when it got better for you?
Thanks so much ladies!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Moms of 2+, it will get better, right?
Will he watch TV? DD would at least watch TV. That got me through the early weeks. I would turn on the TV for her when DS was napping and fall asleep. She wasn't bad about nursing DS, but she got up so darn early and DS was up every 2-3 hours until he was 10 months old.
Good luck! It gets easier!
I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. It does get better, I promise! DD adjusted better to DS than we expected. But we've definitely had a few issues with acting out for attention (especially during feedings and putting DS down for naps), night wakings, and boredom at home. We try to get her out of the house as much as possible, without the baby being around. She goes to school part-time and DH takes her to Little Gym on the weekends. Does your DS go to any sort of Mother's Day Out or anything? That might be a good thing for him, even just a couple days a week so he can have time away from the baby. Or do you have any family or good friends around who would be willing to take him for a couple of afternoons a week?
Around 3-4wks, we went through a really tough stage because DS started reaaallly fighting sleep. It would take us forever to get him to sleep for naps, then he'd be so overtired he couldn't stay asleep and I'd have to keep going in and putting him back to sleep. It was awful and so frustrating. DD decided this was the best time to act up, which of course just kept him up even longer and made everything worse. I brought some quiet toys into the baby's room (books, puzzles, etc) and let her stay in the room with me as long as she could play quietly. If she got too loud and started acting up, I'd make her leave and wouldn't let her back in for 1minute. Then I'd let her back in and remind her "Play quietly, or you'll have to leave". It took a few times for her to catch on, but eventually she decided she'd rather play quietly and be with us. I would also turn on her fave TV show and set out a snack and drink for her and sometimes that kept her busy.
As for your DS2's sleep, I would just not go to him until you actually hear him starting to get worked up into a cry. DS was also a very noisy newborn, but I wouldn't go to him until he started to cry and many times he would just resettle and go back to sleep.
Things started to get better for us when DS was about 2mos old. I started putting him down drowsy but awake for naps and nighttime, I let him fuss but not cry and he's gotten fairly good at putting himself to sleep for naps. DD has seemed to really settle in with him and is better about the attention-seeking and jealousy.
Good luck! It's a tough transition for everyone, and it makes it even harder that you're alone so much. Just remember this is just a phase, and you will make it through!
Our kids are just about the same age.
DD1 ALWAYS decides she needs to potty right when DD2 gets latched on, or I have a letdown! I have to bring boppy, baby and so forth into the bathroom. It's great..... no.
It really must be normal. Every single thing you describe is us. DD2 is not a stellar napper, and I just try to put her down every time, and then usually during DD1's nap, I just hold 2 so she will sleep one good nap a day. It is soooo frustrating to finally get DD2 down for a nap, get settled in doing something with DD1, and then 2 wakes up within 5 minutes. DD1 realllly doesn't like that.
The TV is on a lot here. I am now trying to limit it to only when I am nursing. But before this, it was on pretty much all the time. Which honestly made DD1 act worse.... then she started begging for tv all the time.
It just has to get better. Things with DD1 really peaked these last couple weeks, and i think they are starting to calm down.
Good luck to us all! I think we will look back on this soon, when naps are good and settled, LO is sttn, and the kids can play together. It won't be long.... I think...
My kids are 18 months apart. I remember being scared whenever my husband left me alone with both kids.
Wear the baby, seriously, if you're not already. It will free your body and hands up so much.
You are tired, momma, that's normal. It is hard. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
You are not going to want to hear this, but for me the 'hard times' just changed as they aged. At first it was no sleep, both in diapers, both needing attention. Then they were both moving (one running, the other crawling) jealousy really rearing its head. I swear I came out of the deep fog when the LO was walking (a year) and the other was 2.5. But even now it has its moments. Just different moments. But they are more manageable as at least I sleep all night long, just like they do.
Bring in some help: family, friends, neighbours. You do not need to be a martyr.
It does get better! I promise!
Since he wants to do things all by himself, maybe you guys can pick up a special toy animal or character (probably plastic since he wants to give it a bath) that he can take care of on his own. When you nurse, he has to make sure his friend eats food too. He can pick out his own snacks in the morning for both him and the toy and then pick which one to eat/feed at each nursing session. When you give the baby a bath, he gets a bowl with a little water and a washcloth his toy a bath.
If you have the energy (which I know is tough at this phase) you can go all out the first day and feed/bath/put the toy to sleep yourself and then pass off the work to him while you are doing it because he is such a big boy and he can handle it alone. As he gets used #2 being in the house (and as #2 gets into more of a routine that can be worked out) he will probably find other things to do while you do baby things. If he doesn't, you can say that his toy can conveniently start not being hungry, sleepy, dirty, etc. over time.
Also, leave snacks where he can reach them. That way, if he doesn't want what you've brought he can go pick out something different. Reading what you wrote made me think about all the things I would bring to the table during nursing sessions to be "ready!"
As for the sleeping, we've always been thankful for our video monitor for that exact reason. Our boys have always been noisy and for us it was good to actually see what was going on in there.
I hope some of this helps! Hang in there!
we went through the same- not so much to your extent. but that is just how it is juggling two. It does get better (per se) but it isn't easy.
Suggestions: setting him up with a toddler table (in the room you are nursing) to get him situated. when you are about to nurse- pull out a basket of SPECIAL big boy toys- (that are only to come out during nursing sessions) - for us- Leap Frog's Tag Reader and Leap Frog's text and learn WERE LIFESAVERS. she loved those two toys. I could also give her crayons and a coloring book and let her color with minimal supervision (never needed to worry about her coloring anywhere other than the paper).
your little guy is still adjusting to sharing attention- that will get better in time. just make sure to spend some special one on one (amist your exhaustion) when baby is napping.
Also- make sure you are eating and drinking enough yourself. you get so wrapped up in taking care of the kids- you often put yourself last. you are BF'ing and you need to keep your energy/calories up. drink water. (and cranberry juice for your stones)
For us- the hardest time was when my little guy hit 4 months. he was such a distractable nurser- i couldn't even be in the same room as my older one. he would just pop off and stare at her. Luckily- i have a very good #1.
we PT'ed after i had the baby. It was like that in the beginning- needing more attention- and having to go after i started nursing- even though i just asked. ya have to grin and bear that one. it is tough- but you dont want to get frustrated and show any negative signs- because that will just hinder training.
you often feel like a ping pong ball all day long- going back and forth. My DH works 12hrs a day- and by the time he is home i am just exhausted.
hang in there- and GL!