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July 2011 Moms
I'm seriously an emotional mess right now. (nbr)
I'm so sorry, but I need to vent. I really hope you all don't mind too much...
I've definitely noticed being pregnant has made me waaay more emotional.
DH just left to Brazil, and he'll be there for a month. I've been sobbing all day because I hate being alone, and I'm going to miss him so much. I don't have any close friends here yet (we moved to Austria a few months ago) and really wish I could stay with someone this month.
I'm honestly scared I'll get depressed! I hate cooking and preparing food for just myself. I'm so horrible at caring for myself when I'm alone. Gosh I'm pathetic. I hate it how clingy and dependent I am on on others (particularly DH)...
My in-laws said I could come to Germany and stay with them for the month, but I had already payed for a German course for this month and can't get a refund. So I have to stay here. Alone.
Any suggestions or advice? What do (or would) you do if you were left alone for 4.5 weeks?
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Re: I'm seriously an emotional mess right now. (nbr)
As a wife that is going on a year long deployment right now, we are currently on month number 3.5.
The first week for me is always the worse, I dont do anything but lay around and sulk. but honestly you just have to suck it up and realize that you will be fine. Get yourself into a routine. I dont cook dinner every night for myself and DS, I order pizza, wings, have simple stuff like chicken nuggets and mac n cheese.
Take this opportunity to explore the area, not shave, wear granny panties, study for your class in a nice quiet area, find a favorite little coffee shop or restaurant and just saying HI to people. I used to be super dependent on others but realized it didnt help me at all, you have to realize you CAN do things yourself. Now I love going out to eat for lucnh by myself and just people watching and enjoying not chasing a toddler around.
Yes some days are better than others buts do-able. A month really isnt that long, in the big picture of thigns. Just start a countdown. Find a free class offered somewhere on soething you may not know how to do, and then use that as your starting point (ex...ONLY 4 more Monday's till DH comes home) then you look forward to that weekly instead of something that seems more far away.
GL and enjoy sleeping in a big bed alone! I LOVE my bed alone right now and am nervous about having to give up my share
I get left to my own devices a lot (military wife for the past 6 and a half years). At first I was pretty sucky at it, but now I have no qualms about eating out by myself or seeing a movie solo. When he first leaves, I'm a little bit of a mess (every time). I spend a couple days feeling sad, whatever, but then it starts to get a little better. I'll still have my moments of feeling down, needing to cry, whatever, usually at night, but you'll find some independence in the face of necessity.
Keeping busy is key, and since you're taking a German course that should help! It'll keep your mind occupied and give you something to do every day.
As far as cooking for one, yeah it can suck sometimes. There's two ways I approach this. 1. Stock up on small quantities and easy-to-prepare meals, that way I can get through meal time quickly and efficiently. And 2. I take it as an opportunity to experiment and try new things. My husband is not a very adventurous eater, so I take his absences as a chance to try new and exotic foods or foods I love but rarely eat because of him. Or if there's something sort of complicated that I want to make for him without royally screwing it up, while he is gone is the perfect time to figure it out.
When you're feeling very alone, don't be afraid to call up a friend or family member (or DH if you can) just for a quick chat. If you're feeling like a hermit, then go out! Even if just for a quick grocery shopping trip or a walk around the block, whatever.
Good luck!
Are you fluent enough to join a book club, or a pregnancy yoga class, or a knitting class? You need to get out of the house and socialize. Sight see if you're new to the area, join some tour groups.
These first few days are going to be tough, but honestly, from the sounds of it...you need this. This month is going to make you a much stronger and independent woman if you let it.
Are you from the states? Can anyone from your family plan a quick trip out for a few days?
I'd keep busy! DH doesn't travel for work, which is good, but we have opposite schedules so I really only see him Friday night - Sunday morning.
Hopefully, you'll meet some great people in your German class you can hang out with. Cook dinners (anything you want!), take some fitness classes, go shopping, get your hair or nails done or a massage. Find some movies to watch, work on planning baby stuff. I bet it'll go by much faster than you think
Bump Unofficial Glossary
DD1, Kathleen 9/15/2007
I am also a military wife that understands DH being gone for long period of time.
I do my best to get excited about the time for me (honestly I lie to myself), but it does help. Stock up on girly movies and food you LOVE. I think that it is great you are taking a class, hopefully it will be a fun way to meet people. When DH was deployed I took several cake decorating classes, it was fun to do something new.
Try to break it down to one week at a time. It will help things go by faster.
((HUGS))
BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010
BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011
BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013
BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy. Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)
BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014
Gosh! Thank you all for the quick replies!!! From what you all said, I'm thinking these first few days aren't going to be too fun... I mean, today was just the first day and I feel miserable.
I would go out to eat more often, but money is an issue at the moment, (what with DH taking this expensive trip to Brazil and all) so I don't feel too comfortable spending money out at restaurants/take-out.
I have asked some friends/family to come visit me this month, and sadly, everyone I've asked said it wouldn't work out. Sad, huh?
I'm really sorry for those of you who have a spouse in the military. That must be rough, and I feel I shouldn't complain about one month alone, when many of you have had to endure much longer than that.
Ok, so I'm going to try to write up a weekly schedule and do some of the sight-seeing/museum tours I've been wanting too do that DH isn't too interested in. My German isn't good enough to have fun with people speaking German... So I'll google around for somethings offered in English. I've heard of some english prenatal yoga classes, but again, the money issue comes to mind and makes me hesitant. We'll see.
Thanks again for the support! I'll probably be bumping here more often this month. :P
I don't have much else to add, but since you're on a budget and will be eating in, maybe take this as an opportunity to try some new recipes. You can work at shopping on a strict budget, meal planning, etc. Then when DH comes home, you'll have some new things to try with him, just double the recipes!
I think the German class is going to be really good for you too. You'll probably meet a bunch of people that way! Just be friendly, and maybe ask one or two other people to start a study group or go for coffee after class. You never know where a new friendship might come from!
The Sand in My Snow Boots
*hugs* This will be over before you know it. When H and I were long distance I just focused a lot on thing I could only do when no one else was around. Turn on the radio and sing off key, dance around the house in your pj's, experiment with food because no one will know if it was a distaster.
Occasionally he still has to work weeks/months of overnight shifts which are still rough on me emotionally. It helped me to make a giant pillow nest on the bed and then sprawl because I could. After a while it was weird for me to share the bed with H once he came home.
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