Mini-vent/What would PAIF do?

BigHairQueen · April 2011

DH and I have wanted to be team green from the begining. Well, my mom has been wanting to know so badly that we decided we would let her be the one to find out as long as she kept it a secret. My MIL went with me to an U/S last week and she really wanted to know what sex the babies too. So, being the wonderful DIL I am, I let her find out too (as long as she promised not to tell).

Well, MIL let it slip (TWICE!). Once to DH's grandma's care take and then to DH!!! She didn't even realize she had done it. DH is very upset and so is my FIL. I know she feels horrible but I still can't help feeling disappointed. I feel like it's my fault because I let her find out. Now I am afraid she will tell more people, including me. And that is NOT the way I want to find out.

Now that DH knows, part of me wants to know but the other part of me still wants to be suprised. I don't know what to do. If I do decide to find out, I think I would want to do a Pink & Blue Party.

If you wanted to be suprised and you were in my position, what would you do?

Temp616379875002458 · April 2011

I'm so sorry. You tried to include her and it isn't working according to plan.

You're nice to call it a mini-vent. I'd call it a giant vent!

I personally would send an email out to anyone that now knows telling them gently but firmly that the gender of the babies is still intended to be a surprise for the parents (even though DH knows). I would ask them to keep it a secret and not to share with anyone else, that you would still prefer to receive gender-neutral gifts to support the secret, and to please be in the habit of referring to the babies in a gender-neutral way?

Easier said than done.

Yellow_Daisy · April 2011

First I'm very sorry that your good deed ended up with you being the one that has your surprise ruined. The problem here is that you MIL has already shown that she can't keep the secret even when she tries so the odds of her slipping in front of you or someone else are pretty good.

I would personally call the doc and have them leave an envelope for you with the sexes and have the party so you can still have your surprise. I would also call FIL/MIL and say in front of both of them that this is what you are doing (in front of FIL so he can help keep MIL in line). Tell them that if it means not seeing them until the party then that is what you will have to do so that MIL doesn't accidentally slip again and ruin the surprise for you. I would think if it's a short period of time that MIL will be able to keep herself in line. Then I would have this party ASAP before MIL or someone she accidentally told ruins it for you.

I'm sorry hon. You are way nicer than me I wouldn't have told a soul and you and your DH definitely didn't deserve to have this ruined for you.

etoyama · April 2011

I don't even know what I'd do but I'm sorry that happened. People can be so thoughtless.

MyShellyBelly · April 2011

Wow, that's a tough one sweetie. You tried to be a nice DIL, but your MIL let it not slip once, but twice. She's already proven she can't keep the secret and I have a feeling she'll let it slip again.

If you don't want her to ruin it for you, I'd say maybe look into the gender reveal party. Your DH could have a cake made and you could be surprised once you cut into it. Otherwise, you run the risk of having someone just blurt it out to you.

I thought of being team green, but everybody else (including DH) HAD to know. I thought about keeping myself in the dark, but I didn't think it would work because someone would let it slip and I'd find out at our showers because of the gender specific gifts we would receive.

It's unfortunate that you tried to be nice and it just completely backfired. I'm so sorry sweetie. (((hugs)))

ohiostategal · April 2011

That sucks, I'm so sorry. Honestly if I were in that position I would do the gender reveal party as well. I would tell MIL the reason we are doing it is because people including DH now know and you don't want to find out from someone else. Honestly, even if I wanted to be surprised I just don't think I could make DH keep it a secret from me. Think how hard it will be for him to not say he or she around you. I know that would be really hard for my DH to do. We don't call our baby by a name so we always are saying "he". I am so sorry, it sucks that you trying to be a nice DIL ended up with you in this situation. Just know that it will still be very special when you find out even though this is not what you wanted.

Echloe · April 2011

Oh S, I'm sorry. That really sucks.

I would probably just find out my next U/S. I wouldn't want anyone else to tell me.

Sunshine05 · April 2011

I'm so sorry that you were trying to do something nice and it backfired on you. How awful for your DH to find out through a slip like that. I think I would let my DH pick a way to tell me to make it a little more special for him, since he had it ruined for him. Let him come up with some fun way to tell you. You got the fun of telling him you were pg, so this could be his fun! Just an idea. I hope you're able to find the silver lining in it all. *Hugs*

ColleenS629 · April 2011

ohiostategal:
That sucks, I'm so sorry. Honestly if I were in that position I would do the gender reveal party as well. I would tell MIL the reason we are doing it is because people including DH now know and you don't want to find out from someone else. Honestly, even if I wanted to be surprised I just don't think I could make DH keep it a secret from me. Think how hard it will be for him to not say he or she around you. I know that would be really hard for my DH to do. We don't call our baby by a name so we always are saying "he". I am so sorry, it sucks that you trying to be a nice DIL ended up with you in this situation. Just know that it will still be very special when you find out even though this is not what you wanted.

I agree with this. You should make it clear to MIL that you are very upset that you have to do it this way but I don't think I would be able to make my DH keep that huge of a secret. I'm sure he will start to think of the baby as he or she now that he knows. It will be really hard for him to have to always watch that around you.

babylove0511 · April 2011

i am so sorry this happened to you! i would probably want to find out if my DH knew only to be fair =/ i know my hubby and i would feel so bad for him so i would say a pink and blue party would be nice. however, if your DH is ok with you still being surprised then i say do what makes you happy

again so sorry

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