TTM About Custody

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

DH drinks a few nights a week and smokes pot daily. This is the very reason I'm considering leaving him. If I cite these reasons, would I be granted full physical custody and he visitation rights (I don't think he'd need supervision, he's just not a good day-in-day-out father)? Is there more to it than that? Would I have to prove it? Could he bs awarded shared custody (sorry, don't know the terminology). We're in PA by the way. TIA!!

GettinNervous · April 2011

I'm in PA also. When I filed, the lawyer told me XH would have joint custody unless he was on drugs (which he is not). I wouldn't tell your husband this or warn him in any way. Let him get caught and deal with the consequences. He might think you set him up--they never take the blame.

blondnearby · April 2011

You will need to prove that he does in fact do drugs. Drinking can be hard to prove because it is not illegal to drink. Take a picture of him smoking or paraphernalia. You can also request a drug test but you need to make sure you are clean as well.

Oilers_Mama · April 2011

You can file for full custody and then he will have to file for visitation. If you cite that he is a regular drug user, this will definatly affect the amount of visitation he may be allowed.

Meliss227 · April 2011

I am in PA as well.

My lawyer told me it requires more than just pictures and saying the other person has a problem. She said the pictures could be old and it doesn't actually prove its theirs. She said a person can't just ask for a drug test because they think the others have a problem. She said there has to be arrests, DUIs, problems holding a job, etc.

50/50 Legal Custody is pretty standard, that's when you both get a say in medical, school, religion or any other big decisions. You could get Primary Physical Custody with your DH getting Partial Physical Custody during visitation.

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

GettinNervous:
I'm in PA also. When I filed, the lawyer told me XH would have joint custody unless he was on drugs (which he is not). I wouldn't tell your husband this or warn him in any way. Let him get caught and deal with the consequences. He might think you set him up--they never take the blame.

That's so true. He even truly believes the divorce is my fault.

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

blondnearby:
You will need to prove that he does in fact do drugs. Drinking can be hard to prove because it is not illegal to drink. Take a picture of him smoking or paraphernalia. You can also request a drug test but you need to make sure you are clean as well.

Oh I'm 100% clean. I pee Evian. Wink

KatieGraceB · April 2011

StrawberryAlarmClock:
blondnearby:
You will need to prove that he does in fact do drugs. Drinking can be hard to prove because it is not illegal to drink. Take a picture of him smoking or paraphernalia. You can also request a drug test but you need to make sure you are clean as well.

Oh I'm 100% clean. I pee Evian.

I just lol'd at this. I'm sorry you're going through all this, but glad you are sticking up for yourself and LO. I'm still here if you need to vent!

achase123 · April 2011

blondnearby:

You will need to prove that he does in fact do drugs. Drinking can be hard to prove because it is not illegal to drink. Take a picture of him smoking or paraphernalia. You can also request a drug test but you need to make sure you are clean as well.

This. And document ANY and ALL record of his alcohol abuse and smoking pot. Don't get too into details but things like: "STBXH had 5 beers in two hours and then drove his car". Or if he's been in any sort of legal trouble (DWIs, drunk in public, etc. get the public record of this). I'm a familiar face at the county clerk's office because I'm always getting the copy of the offense and the minutes from XH's criminal dealings.

Oh and if he's been violent as a result of this, document and take pictures. XH destroyed a doorjam and punched a hole in a wall so I took pictures of that.

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

achase123:
blondnearby:

You will need to prove that he does in fact do drugs. Drinking can be hard to prove because it is not illegal to drink. Take a picture of him smoking or paraphernalia. You can also request a drug test but you need to make sure you are clean as well.

This. And document ANY and ALL record of his alcohol abuse and smoking pot. Don't get too into details but things like: "STBXH had 5 beers in two hours and then drove his car". Or if he's been in any sort of legal trouble (DWIs, drunk in public, etc. get the public record of this). I'm a familiar face at the county clerk's office because I'm always getting the copy of the offense and the minutes from XH's criminal dealings.

Oh and if he's been violent as a result of this, document and take pictures. XH destroyed a doorjam and punched a hole in a wall so I took pictures of that.

That's the "problem". The whole reason it took me this long to realize how bad he was is because he's smooth. He is not violent- he's a happy drunk. He drives drunk all the time but he has never had a single DUI/DWI. He moved out so I have no way of tracking his moves now. Does this mean I'm screwed? The only thing I can think of is he went to a preliminary counseling meeting last year and the intake counselor recommended detox. I have no idea how to get that in writing. Maybe through my insurance? It's pretty much a He said She said at this point. Not that we've even filed yet. Just trying to be prepared.

ambdavis84 · April 2011

I was just wondering something similar. I guess I'm not alone when it comes to leaving an addict.

StrawberryAlarmClock · April 2011

ambdavis84:
I was just wondering something similar. I guess I'm not alone when it comes to leaving an addict.

Not at all. ((hugs)). Are you new or an AE?

DarthNBJenni · April 2011

Does he work in an idustry that might drug test?

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