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Anyone have a long commute?
Just wondering if anyone has a long commute, and how you deal with it as a WM. DH and I are planning for our first, but I have major concerns over my commute (usually about 2 hours each way), and I would love to hear how others make it work!
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Re: Anyone have a long commute?
I'm not a mom yet, but I have a commute of about 1 hr 20 minutes each way. Honestly, after a couple years of this commute, I'm ready to find a new job or move closer to work. (Right now I'm working on moving closer) I am exhausted when I get home every night, and I can't imagine having this long of a commute when we have kids. Even an 8 hour workday turns into 11 or 12 hours away from home when commute time is added on, and by the time I get home I'm zonked from sitting in traffic and driving for so long. And often I work overtime, so it's more like 14 or 15 hours away from home daily. I really cannot imagine doing this schedule with kids, which is a major reason we're looking to move a bit closer to my work.
Is there a reason why moving closer to your work isn't an option? Could you arrange flexible work hours or telecommuting a few days per week?
ETA: And what is your husband's job/commute situation?
Most of the posts that start like that usually have someone inside complaining about a 30 minute drive. But 2 hours!! That is a major chunk of time in your day especially when you are a mom!
Just like PP suggested, I would figure out how to stagger my hours with DH to ensure I would actually be able to see LO at some point in the day. Hard to know what your options are without knowing what the job is but can you work from home one day? Can you find another job? Can you move?
Where would your daycare be? Making LO travel that far would not be fun. Also, being that far from your daycare if you are the parent that will be called when there is sickness or an emergency is not going to work.
In short, I am sure under certain circumstances (very flexible DH, maybe a nanny) it is doable. I just wouldn't want to do it unless it was an ABSOLUTE dream job that was a major stepping stone in my career. And if that was the case, I would be living closer.
I have an hour commute each way and DH has a 2hr commute each way (in opposite directions so there's no way we can move). It's really hard, you never have enough time in a day. I basically do all the child related stuff- drop DD off at my mom's in the morning (half way between home and work), pick her up after work, feed her, bathe her, put her to bed. DH works long hours plus the commute so he's gone from about 5am-8pm. He only gets about an hour a day with DD.
You and your DH will need to really discuss how you are going to split the work caring for LO. How long is his commute? What kind of hours do you both work, is it flexible at all? You will have to figure out where you can put LO in DC or possibly get a nanny if neither of you can get there to pickup on time. Do you have any family members nearby to help you?
The fact is that its rough. If there's any way you can move, switch jobs, or telecommute you should really consider it. Even without children, I'm sure your situation is tough. It's hard being pregnant with that kind of commute too. You have to pee constantly, you're exhausted, by the time you get home you just crash on the couch all night. I'm sorry if I'm being a debby downer but I want you to know the truth. That said, I love my DD more than anything and she's the best thing that ever happened to me. Even though it makes me sad that we don't get to spend more time with her, I cherish every minute that we have together. It makes my job more worthwhile b/c I know that I'm providing for her.
Good Luck to you and your husband!
that's a crazy-long commute! When I was a single mom, I drove 30 minutes each way and hated it. Now I'm down to 10 minutes and I still work in downtown
Will your childcare be near your work or your home? I can't imagine being 2 hours away from my kiddos all day long.
Wow, that is a a horrible commute, I would think that unless you and someone else (H or whoever) staggers or you can afford a nanny you will have a very tough time witht that. If you only work 8 hours (no lunch etc) you are at 12 hours if you put your LO in a daycare near your home. A lot of daycares are only open 12 hours so you have no cushion.
I have about an hour each way and it is brutal for me. I was not going to go back because of it, but they offered me PT and I also work from home, going into the office 2x a week. Even with that, on days my H is out of town, LO is at daycare for about 11 hours by the time you add in lunch, pumping, dropping off etc.
I would seriously see if you have any other options because I know that I personally could not make 4 hours a day commuting work.
This is what SO and I have been doing for a few weeks now and it has made life a lot more tolerable. I leave really early and he gets DD ready for school and drives her in. I pick her up from after-school care. I can get there just a little earlier than I used to and I don't have as much stress in the morning.
(My commute is an hour each way, sometimes a few minutes over if there is any traffic. I am hoping to get an offer on a job that is about 45 minutes closer though.)
Ouch- I shall stop my moaning...
DH just started a new job and we were thrown head over heal into the daycare shuffle after 2 yrs of DH at home...So now the days that DD has Daycare I drop her off at 7 and DH picks her up at 3....I do skip Lunch just to avoid the traffic and generally take work home for the evening...having a flexible work arrangement and staggered hours is the only way you'd get through it...as I personally would not want to expose my child to 4 hr car rides every day...Most states consider leaving your child in daycare longer than 12 hrs child abandonment...also to consider...that 2 hr commute will be HELL once you're pregnant...I barely make the 1hr each way and run for the bathroom at the final destination...if I hadn't stopped along the way...
So while I'd like to say it's do-able I would probably recommend talking with HR about flexible arrangements or start reaching out for a job a tad closer to home.
I have a 1 1/2 hr commute each way. It's not fun. I'm gone from 7am until 7pm and it's really tough. I have recently gotten into "books on tape" that help past the time and frustration.
If you can, I would move closer or get a new job...just my 2 cents. Not to be debbie downer, but you become resentful of your commute and your job b/c of so much time spent away from your LO.
Good luck.
Personally I don't recommend it....my commute was 2 hours each way also and it was miserable! It gets exhausting and like PP said, you begin resenting your job, the commute, etc. It was so hard for me to come home and get anything done. I would leave the house at 5am (I worked from 7-3pm) and would get home by 5pm or so, depending on traffic...I'd be so exhausted I would go a lot of nights not even eating dinner or just grabbing something quick and going straight upstairs to bed in tears...being at a desk for 8 hours and being in the car for another 4 is murder on your back! Luckily I have been working from home for the past 3 weeks, but I am also looking for other jobs closer to home because I know I won't want to be gone from LO for an extra 4 hours.
DH also commutes 2hrs...he leaves the house at 3am gets home around 3pm...it's a little easier for him because he beats a lot of the traffic, but it would be way to expensive for both of us to do that commute.
It's really up to you, me personally, I wasn't making NEARLY enough money to do it, however depending on what your doing, it may be worth it for you, or perhaps you could see about working a little from home? My boss was willing to work with me, he felt so bad about my commute (I used to work 5 minutes away but we got a house closer to our families when I got pregnant). However I know they want me to go back to the office once she comes and I'm just not sure I'm prepared to do it.