How to respond to "were you trying"?

Sarahcakes29 · April 2011

How to you respond politely to this when you don't really want to share personal information?

My issue is this: We didn't try long, but yes, we were totally "trying" and I don't necessarily want to share this with everyone. We have a sizeable amount of student loan debt and have struggled financially. Comments have been made by some members of our in-laws family that we should wait until we had more financial stability, since is the way they did it. I just don't want to deal with the judgment that comes with disclosing this was planned despite our less-than-ideal situation.

Also, does anyone else just find it rude? I'll admit, I'm always curious about this with my close friends/family but if they don't volunteer the information, I usually don't ask so directly.

Sharra711 · April 2011

It's rude. End of story!

It's like when people ask "were the twins because of fertility drugs?!?!?!" (they were, BTW, but so was DD)

It's because they are nosey and just have to get into your business.

Just tell them "WOW! I had no idea you wanted to know about out sex life... if you want details... we should sit down and talk!" Stick out tongue

Lissa832 · April 2011

Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

Mr. & Mrs. RN · April 2011

Who cares about their judging, just tell them like it is. Yes, we were trying and this is a very wanted baby. Nobody in your family will care when they see that sweet little face.

GoldenPeaches · April 2011

My mom asked this. I told her to mind her own business and that was the end of the discussion.

tiffbomb · April 2011

I had many people ask me this question (even though my husband and I both own our own home, have very good jobs, and ARE in a good place financially). It is rude. My friend gave me a good response after I was venting to her about how rude it was! She said to make it into a joke and hopefully the other person will drop it. Example:

Rude person: "Was it planned?"

You: " No, as a matter of fact I'm still trying to figure out who the father is..." (dripping in sarcasm)

sweetpealee · April 2011

I think it's rude. I understand their concern over whether you would be able to support the baby, but unless you are depending on them financially, frankly- it's none of their business. And even in the case that they were helping you out financially, I think there is probably a nicer way of bringing up that discussion, one that sounds less like an accusation.

sweetpealee · April 2011

tiffbomb:
I had many people ask me this question (even though my husband and I both own our own home, have very good jobs, and ARE in a good place financially). It is rude. My friend gave me a good response after I was venting to her about how rude it was! She said to make it into a joke and hopefully the other person will drop it. Example:
Rude person: "Was it planned?"
You: " No, as a matter of fact I'm still trying to figure out who the father is..." (dripping in sarcasm)

Yes love this response!

jsjrol · April 2011

Well I have to agree with all the women's responses. It's really no one's business if you were trying or not & yes I think it's rude to just blatenly ask someone. Why the hell do they care if you were trying or not!?!? When people ask this question I almost feel like they are asking how often are you guys having sex. It's a very personal question.

We personally are in no financial situation to have a child. Between student loans & back taxes from being self employed, to sinking every last dime we've had in the last year into starting our own business we're frankly broke. My answer to this question is simple...trying or not....we were open to the possibility. And who cares if you were trying....your friends and family should just be happy for you guys!!!

All the questions, money and situations aside...we have all been blessed with the gift of life. And the most important thing is how you are feeling, & making sure you and baby are getting the best care possible.

I've said for the last couple of years, that we wanted to wait until we moved out of the city, we were more financially stable...blah blah blah. I sounded like a broken record. The truth of the matter....there is no perfect time, and you and your sweetie will make it work. Everything happens for a reason & everything always has a way of working out. Good luck, and enjoy every minute of this gift you have been given.

jsjrol · April 2011

Sorry to continue my long winded answer...If you couldn't tell from my response that question gets me somewhat irritated.

To solve our financial situation, we have sat down with a consultant that has reviewed all our finances and we have come up with a plan that we can stick to. It's really an eye opening experience to have someone point out small things in your check book that make a huge difference in savings. Like I said, there is always a way and after our consult we were both relieved and better prepared to embark on this journey. Our future suddenly felt so much more manageable!!

awesnap · April 2011

Depending on the person I would be honest, or ask, why are you so interested in our sex life? Interesting question, why do you want to know? Just smile and say we are very excited/happy. If you forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking. This question is rude IMO.

sarie1621 · April 2011

Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

So because they owe student loans that means that they can't "afford" a baby?

Who are you to judge anyone elses financial situation?

On paper our budget wasn't exactly "perfect" but we have managed to afford $400 a month in prescription formula for our daughter, $50 a month in brand name medication along with diapers, toys and her extreme amount of medical bills without using any sort of help from the government although we certainly qualify.

There is NEVER a "perfect" time to have a baby.. you can't plan for their expenses. I obviously intended to breastfeed and we weren't supposed to have to pay for formula! So please don't judge unless you yourself are living in the situation.

As far as OP's question. Frankly, like PP said, it is NONE of their business. I would tell them to back off.. however I am very blunt A baby is a gift of life and finances always work themselves out. Just takes some savings and a good budget

Mrs. Braxton · April 2011

sarie1621:
Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

So because they owe student loans that means that they can't "afford" a baby?

Who are you to judge anyone elses financial situation?

On paper our budget wasn't exactly "perfect" but we have managed to afford $400 a month in prescription formula for our daughter, $50 a month in brand name medication along with diapers, toys and her extreme amount of medical bills without using any sort of help from the government although we certainly qualify.

There is NEVER a "perfect" time to have a baby.. you can't plan for their expenses. I obviously intended to breastfeed and we weren't supposed to have to pay for formula! So please don't judge unless you yourself are living in the situation.

As far as OP's question. Frankly, like PP said, it is NONE of their business. I would tell them to back off.. however I am very blunt A baby is a gift of life and finances always work themselves out. Just takes some savings and a good budget

This!!

catch2010 · April 2011

tiffbomb:

I had many people ask me this question (even though my husband and I both own our own home, have very good jobs, and ARE in a good place financially). It is rude. My friend gave me a good response after I was venting to her about how rude it was! She said to make it into a joke and hopefully the other person will drop it. Example:

Rude person: "Was it planned?"

You: " No, as a matter of fact I'm still trying to figure out who the father is..." (dripping in sarcasm)

This!

This reminds me of when DH told his best friend our news -- his first response, without missing a beat, was "So what are you going to do when you catch the guy?"

happylady07 · April 2011

catch2010:
tiffbomb:

I had many people ask me this question (even though my husband and I both own our own home, have very good jobs, and ARE in a good place financially). It is rude. My friend gave me a good response after I was venting to her about how rude it was! She said to make it into a joke and hopefully the other person will drop it. Example:

Rude person: "Was it planned?"

You: " No, as a matter of fact I'm still trying to figure out who the father is..." (dripping in sarcasm)

This!

This reminds me of when DH told his best friend our news -- his first response, without missing a beat, was "So what are you going to do when you catch the guy?"

LOL!

ababymaybe · April 2011

We've told maybe 12-15 people so far and NOBODY has asked us this! I will be dumbfounded if someone does. Beyond rude.

Sarahcakes29 · April 2011

sarie1621:
Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.
So because they owe student loans that means that they can't "afford" a baby?
Who are you to judge anyone elses financial situation?
On paper our budget wasn't exactly "perfect" but we have managed to afford $400 a month in prescription formula for our daughter, $50 a month in brand name medication along with diapers, toys and her extreme amount of medical bills without using any sort of help from the government although we certainly qualify.
There is NEVER a "perfect" time to have a baby.. you can't plan for their expenses. I obviously intended to breastfeed and we weren't supposed to have to pay for formula! So please don't judge unless you yourself are living in the situation.
As far as OP's question. Frankly, like PP said, it is NONE of their business. I would tell them to back off.. however I am very blunt A baby is a gift of life and finances always work themselves out. Just takes some savings and a good budget

Love all of your hilarious and awesome responses. I'm glad to know I'm not only one standing there speechless when I was asked!

I get why it's smart to plan ahead and be as financially stable as possible beforehand...but, I also think it's about your priorities and choices. We aren't on welfare and have some significant savings and good jobs. I have fairly decent income (and huge loans) because I had to pay for all of college entirely by myself and went all the way through to grad school. We've waited two years for this reason alone and finally felt like we really wanted this and were committed to making it work no matter work. My in-laws, by contrast, live in million-dollar homes and have executive-level, white-collar jobs; they pay thousands of dollars for their daughter's preschool and buy her the very best of everything (organic food, state-of-the-art stroller system, designer clothes, etc.) Our situation will be different, but we will love our baby and be great parents regardless. We've already waited years and are happily married and in our late-twenties. I believe our baby is an amazing gift from God and that we can make it work no matter what. We live in a small rental house, aren't going to be taking a lavish babymoon or buying designer maternity clothes, but I'm already happier than I've ever been in my entire life. (I've already bought a like-new Bumbo chair and rocking chair on craigslist for under $25! I'm going to be a thrifty, smart mama.)

RadicalDreamer143 · April 2011

sarie1621:
Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

So because they owe student loans that means that they can't "afford" a baby?

Who are you to judge anyone elses financial situation?

On paper our budget wasn't exactly "perfect" but we have managed to afford $400 a month in prescription formula for our daughter, $50 a month in brand name medication along with diapers, toys and her extreme amount of medical bills without using any sort of help from the government although we certainly qualify.

There is NEVER a "perfect" time to have a baby.. you can't plan for their expenses. I obviously intended to breastfeed and we weren't supposed to have to pay for formula! So please don't judge unless you yourself are living in the situation.

As far as OP's question. Frankly, like PP said, it is NONE of their business. I would tell them to back off.. however I am very blunt A baby is a gift of life and finances always work themselves out. Just takes some savings and a good budget

She said they have a ton of student loans AND are struggling financially.

And trust me, you can certainly plan for them. I would never have had a baby in my twenties because I wasn't as financially secure. I waited till we could easily afford it (and having me SAH) while not ruining our quality of life. No one would ever ask us if ours was planned, because we don't make our finances anyone elses' business.

To the OP - why is everyone aware of your financial situation to the point where they are concerned for your child?

evanssj · April 2011

Sarahcakes29:
sarie1621:

Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

So because they owe student loans that means that they can't "afford" a baby?

Who are you to judge anyone elses financial situation?

On paper our budget wasn't exactly "perfect" but we have managed to afford $400 a month in prescription formula for our daughter, $50 a month in brand name medication along with diapers, toys and her extreme amount of medical bills without using any sort of help from the government although we certainly qualify.

There is NEVER a "perfect" time to have a baby.. you can't plan for their expenses. I obviously intended to breastfeed and we weren't supposed to have to pay for formula! So please don't judge unless you yourself are living in the situation.

As far as OP's question. Frankly, like PP said, it is NONE of their business. I would tell them to back off.. however I am very blunt A baby is a gift of life and finances always work themselves out. Just takes some savings and a good budget

Love all of your hilarious and awesome responses. I'm glad to know I'm not only one standing there speechless when I was asked!

I get why it's smart to plan ahead and be as financially stable as possible beforehand...but, I also think it's about your priorities and choices. We aren't on welfare and have some significant savings and good jobs. I have fairly decent income (and huge loans) because I had to pay for all of college entirely by myself and went all the way through to grad school. We've waited two years for this reason alone and finally felt like we really wanted this and were committed to making it work no matter work. My in-laws, by contrast, live in million-dollar homes and have executive-level, white-collar jobs; they pay thousands of dollars for their daughter's preschool and buy her the very best of everything (organic food, state-of-the-art stroller system, designer clothes, etc.) Our situation will be different, but we will love our baby and be great parents regardless. We've already waited years and are happily married and in our late-twenties. I believe our baby is an amazing gift from God and that we can make it work no matter what. We live in a small rental house, aren't going to be taking a lavish babymoon or buying designer maternity clothes, but I'm already happier than I've ever been in my entire life. (I've already bought a like-new Bumbo chair and rocking chair on craigslist for under $25! I'm going to be a thrifty, smart mama.)

Maybe your first post was misleading, it sounds like you and YH have it together. Good luck to you!

SheLovesMrHip · April 2011

JamieS2006:
sarie1621:
Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

So because they owe student loans that means that they can't "afford" a baby?

Who are you to judge anyone elses financial situation?

On paper our budget wasn't exactly "perfect" but we have managed to afford $400 a month in prescription formula for our daughter, $50 a month in brand name medication along with diapers, toys and her extreme amount of medical bills without using any sort of help from the government although we certainly qualify.

There is NEVER a "perfect" time to have a baby.. you can't plan for their expenses. I obviously intended to breastfeed and we weren't supposed to have to pay for formula! So please don't judge unless you yourself are living in the situation.

As far as OP's question. Frankly, like PP said, it is NONE of their business. I would tell them to back off.. however I am very blunt A baby is a gift of life and finances always work themselves out. Just takes some savings and a good budget

She said they have a ton of student loans AND are struggling financially.

And trust me, you can certainly plan for them. I would never have had a baby in my twenties because I wasn't as financially secure. I waited till we could easily afford it (and having me SAH) while not ruining our quality of life. No one would ever ask us if ours was planned, because we don't make our finances anyone elses' business.

To the OP - why is everyone aware of your financial situation to the point where they are concerned for your child?

This is also my question......

sleepingbeauty · April 2011

it is incredibly rude, but i get it all the time too. especially since we are not married and i'm still in school part-time. i tell them the truth, even though it's frankly none of their business: we weren't actively trying but we weren't doing anything to prevent it.

forensicmama · April 2011

I hate that question. It's very rude.

ejeane001 · April 2011

DH and I have had a similar problem. We weren't really trying... We decided to get off the pill and stop not trying for a few months. I got pregnant the first month I was off the pill. I know several people who have been trying for months, even years to have a child but haven't gotten pregnant yet. Since we've told that we are pregnant, I feel awkward around those people because when they asked if we were trying, I said, "Not really." I understand that their feelings are probaby hurt, but I almost feel like I can't talk about the pregnancy in front of them... What should I do!?!!

ejeane001 · April 2011

I mean to the point of the other people who have been trying... Not tracking your cycle or taking fertility treaments and things like that.

lvisser · April 2011

"yes".

End of story.

lvisser · April 2011

Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

Whoa. I don't like you.

OP - everything will work out in the end.

StephRuns · April 2011

I would respond with, "Why do you want to know?"

And if they mention anything about your finances, I'd say, "I'm not asking you to pay for my child, so why does it matter to you?" Hopefully they would stop after that.

Ms.Jade · April 2011

JamieS2006:
sarie1621:
Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.
So because they owe student loans that means that they can't "afford" a baby?
Who are you to judge anyone elses financial situation?
On paper our budget wasn't exactly "perfect" but we have managed to afford $400 a month in prescription formula for our daughter, $50 a month in brand name medication along with diapers, toys and her extreme amount of medical bills without using any sort of help from the government although we certainly qualify.
There is NEVER a "perfect" time to have a baby.. you can't plan for their expenses. I obviously intended to breastfeed and we weren't supposed to have to pay for formula! So please don't judge unless you yourself are living in the situation.
As far as OP's question. Frankly, like PP said, it is NONE of their business. I would tell them to back off.. however I am very blunt A baby is a gift of life and finances always work themselves out. Just takes some savings and a good budget

She said they have a ton of student loans AND are struggling financially.

And trust me, you can certainly plan for them. I would never have had a baby in my twenties because I wasn't as financially secure. I waited till we could easily afford it (and having me SAH) while not ruining our quality of life. No one would ever ask us if ours was planned, because we don't make our finances anyone elses' business.

To the OP - why is everyone aware of your financial situation to the point where they are concerned for your child?

FYI - People do not only ask the question if their concerned about your finances. Everyone knows that we live WAY below our means - small house, no new cars, grow our own food etc. and they still ask that rude and stupid question.

renogaw · April 2011

My hormones must be going full blast today because when I read your post, my initial reaction was that you should have told them "Yes, my husband and I were purposefully having unprotected sex. Are you also interested in the positions we used? I'd be happy to share..."

Ritzy19 · April 2011

sarie1621:
Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

So because they owe student loans that means that they can't "afford" a baby?

Who are you to judge anyone elses financial situation?

On paper our budget wasn't exactly "perfect" but we have managed to afford $400 a month in prescription formula for our daughter, $50 a month in brand name medication along with diapers, toys and her extreme amount of medical bills without using any sort of help from the government although we certainly qualify.

There is NEVER a "perfect" time to have a baby.. you can't plan for their expenses. I obviously intended to breastfeed and we weren't supposed to have to pay for formula! So please don't judge unless you yourself are living in the situation.

As far as OP's question. Frankly, like PP said, it is NONE of their business. I would tell them to back off.. however I am very blunt A baby is a gift of life and finances always work themselves out. Just takes some savings and a good budget

You took the words right out of my mouth.

When I was pregnant with DD, we were making good money and I still worried about finances. I left my job to be a SAHM, DD was born, and two months later DH got laid off. He didn't find another job for 18 months. Sure didn't see that one coming, but we managed to make it work. Where there's a will, there's a way.

And to the OP, I would simply tell people "We were just having lots of unprotected sex".

Sarahcakes29 · April 2011

lanoue25:

JamieS2006:
sarie1621:

Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

So because they owe student loans that means that they can't "afford" a baby?

Who are you to judge anyone elses financial situation?

On paper our budget wasn't exactly "perfect" but we have managed to afford $400 a month in prescription formula for our daughter, $50 a month in brand name medication along with diapers, toys and her extreme amount of medical bills without using any sort of help from the government although we certainly qualify.

There is NEVER a "perfect" time to have a baby.. you can't plan for their expenses. I obviously intended to breastfeed and we weren't supposed to have to pay for formula! So please don't judge unless you yourself are living in the situation.

As far as OP's question. Frankly, like PP said, it is NONE of their business. I would tell them to back off.. however I am very blunt A baby is a gift of life and finances always work themselves out. Just takes some savings and a good budget

She said they have a ton of student loans AND are struggling financially.

And trust me, you can certainly plan for them. I would never have had a baby in my twenties because I wasn't as financially secure. I waited till we could easily afford it (and having me SAH) while not ruining our quality of life. No one would ever ask us if ours was planned, because we don't make our finances anyone elses' business.

To the OP - why is everyone aware of your financial situation to the point where they are concerned for your child?

This is also my question......

Lanoue - I'm going to on this board for awhile so I want to clarify: I'm not being irresponsible. We have struggled paying off my loans (as anyone in my position would) but we have two years' of savings, stable jobs, and we do make ends meet. It has been hard saving up for two years and sacrificing so we could do this. However, my in-laws have a very different lifestyle (they have a multi-million dollar home, CEO jobs, and at one point insinuated that we should be homeowners before having kids. Our in-laws (it's actually only my brother-in-law and his wife) are the ONLY people out of a huge network of family and friends in our lives that haven't been as supportive and expressed suprise. They aren't aware of my financial situation except they know we drive older cars, turn down their family trips to Europe and don't have live a in huge house in an expensive neighborhood. I did not make our financial affairs anyone else's business. We aren't perfect but we HAVE planned and are doing the best we can. And we're going to be fine.

Sarahcakes29 · April 2011

lanoue25:

JamieS2006:
sarie1621:

Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

So because they owe student loans that means that they can't "afford" a baby?

Who are you to judge anyone elses financial situation?

On paper our budget wasn't exactly "perfect" but we have managed to afford $400 a month in prescription formula for our daughter, $50 a month in brand name medication along with diapers, toys and her extreme amount of medical bills without using any sort of help from the government although we certainly qualify.

There is NEVER a "perfect" time to have a baby.. you can't plan for their expenses. I obviously intended to breastfeed and we weren't supposed to have to pay for formula! So please don't judge unless you yourself are living in the situation.

As far as OP's question. Frankly, like PP said, it is NONE of their business. I would tell them to back off.. however I am very blunt A baby is a gift of life and finances always work themselves out. Just takes some savings and a good budget

She said they have a ton of student loans AND are struggling financially.

And trust me, you can certainly plan for them. I would never have had a baby in my twenties because I wasn't as financially secure. I waited till we could easily afford it (and having me SAH) while not ruining our quality of life. No one would ever ask us if ours was planned, because we don't make our finances anyone elses' business.

To the OP - why is everyone aware of your financial situation to the point where they are concerned for your child?

This is also my question......

Lanoue - I'm going to on this board for awhile so I want to clarify: I'm not being irresponsible. We have struggled paying off my loans (as anyone in my position would) but we have two years' of savings, stable jobs with great benefits, and we do make ends meet. It has been hard saving up for two years and sacrificing so we could do this. However, my in-laws have a very different lifestyle (they have a multi-million dollar home, CEO jobs, and at one point insinuated that we should be homeowners before having kids. Our in-laws (it's actually only my brother-in-law and his wife) are the ONLY people out of a huge network of family and friends in our lives that haven't been as supportive and expressed suprise. They aren't aware of my financial situation except they know we drive older cars, turn down their family trips to Europe and don't have live a in huge house in an expensive neighborhood. I did not make our financial affairs anyone else's business. We aren't perfect but we HAVE planned and are doing the best we can. And we're going to be fine.

Sarahcakes29 · April 2011

rmj80:

Lissa832:
Well, if you ARE struggling financially, then it does beg the question of were you trying, and why. Certainly it is no one's business per se, but it is irresponsible to plan a baby if you are barely making it. If your family knows you are struggling financially, then you can't really blame them for being curious. This is one of my major pet peeved. Don't have a baby unless you can afford it.

and when exactly is the proper threshold at which you can AFFORD a baby???

wow, just wow.

OP: the smartarse in me would say something like "Every day!! And it was FUN!"

but if you want your response to such a stupid question to be polite, then just change the subject or say something like "I guess."

Best response ever! Plus it's totally true. Stick out tongue

PecanSam · April 2011

I would say, "Can you believe we weren't even having sex??!!!"

bellablue2 · April 2011

somebodysmama21:

I am pretty sarcastic so I would answer with something like "you mean were me and my husband having sex without using contraceptives, thats what you want to know, so you tell me about your sex life first then I will tell you."

The reality is maybe you werent financially ready and maybe you were (you never are no matter how much you think you are) but its your choice and you arent asking them to support the baby so why should they care? Best wishes!

This! Its no ones business! My DH has a student loan and we live off one income as I stay at home with my sons right now. We are trying for our third and final child. I know there will be people who feel the need to comment about whether or not we should have another, etc..but in reality its no ones business but yours!! My DH and I have never asked anyone for money, babysitting, etc...we do it on our own. My kids have a nice house to live in, clothes on their backs and food on their plates. They may not have everything in the world, but hey its good for them to learn they need to earn things. Dont worry about what anyone in your family or on these boards has to say. Its your life and kids dont need a ton of "material" things to be happy, healthy and loved!

Azrayla · April 2011

PecanSam:
I would say, "Can you believe we weren't even having sex??!!!"

Yes

My family still doesnt know but they are REALLY snarky/bitter/rude and DD will be turning one in May and they told us when we had her not to have them close..But its none of their business..

Our financial situation isnt "perfect" but its better than a lot of others.. I dont work more than 3 days DH works 40 hours and we can still save monthly on top of DD diapers/food/toys etc..

As a PP said, you arent asking THEM to care for your child so say yes.

sweetpealee · April 2011

PecanSam:
I would say, "Can you believe we weren't even having sex??!!!"

Yes

Elsker · April 2011

tiffbomb:

I had many people ask me this question (even though my husband and I both own our own home, have very good jobs, and ARE in a good place financially). It is rude. My friend gave me a good response after I was venting to her about how rude it was! She said to make it into a joke and hopefully the other person will drop it. Example:

Rude person: "Was it planned?"

You: " No, as a matter of fact I'm still trying to figure out who the father is..." (dripping in sarcasm)

Thisss!!!! Yes That's great

haleymay18 · April 2011

If they make you feel awkward then respond with something that will do the same to them. My personal favorite is "heck yes, we tried 3 times a night" or something to that effect.