S/O Gender Disappointment

Traycee1242 · April 2011

Because we've had so many of these posts lately, I have a question.

If you have your heart set on a certain sex, and KNOW you will be disappointed if you are told the opposite... Why in the world are you finding out early??? Stay Team Green. I guarantee that after labor and delivery and pushing a new baby into this world you wouldn't be disappointed... But halfway through when you aren't holding your child and haven't looked into their eyes and baby is only a "dream" you are told you're having the opposite of what you wanted...
Im simply curious... And FWIW I am not in the camp that jumps all over the GD posts. I am supportive and do understand.

LauraLovesJon · April 2011

I agree completely! Although I'm not team green and don't have a preference, I think this is a good idea if you are struggling.

SamJustice · April 2011

I want a boy more than anything, but as long as my baby's healthy, I'll be the happiest mommy in the world. I'll be the first to admit that I'll be a bit disappointed at first with a girl, but I doubt those feelings would last more than a few hours. And I'd rather have those feelings at 20 weeks rather than at birth, you know? And I hear many stories of women not immediately falling in love with their child and I don't want their sex to be a factor in that. I don't know if that makes nay sense though lol

caffinated_tulip · April 2011

I agree with you totally. In all honesty, I have a very slight preference for a girl, but I wouldn't be disappointed to have a boy. In fact, I have a feeling that LO is a boy. So I dont see myself being disappointed in either. Hence us finding out early. But if it's going to cause you that much angst, why find out early at all?

Corts · April 2011

I agree with PP. If you really are hoping for a certain gender, then I think it's better to be prepared emotionally before LO arrives.

SockMonkeySam · April 2011

I don't understand it. Your given a 50/50 shot at one gender. Why be crushed it's not the one you wanted.

I'd give anything to have my son & daughter back with me right now. But I'm growing a healthy baby right now and could care less if it came out with 6 toes and and 2 arms.

CCinLove · April 2011

I agree, and I've given this advice before. I think anyone who is holding their brand new baby in their arms and thinking about how they really wanted the other sex is an a$$hole. I don't think that would be the case for most people. It's easier to be upset when the baby is a concept rather than a real person.

aliska · April 2011

I was thinking the same thing, but a while ago I saw a post about this topic. Someone wrote in that they were team green until the end (even though hoping for a boy...had a girl already). Baby was a girl; Dad said some not nice things at delivery.

I think waiting to delivery can build up even more fantasies about the desired gender. May as well get any disappointment over right away, so that you can enjoy your baby.

lovelyophelia · April 2011

LauraLovesJon:
I agree completely! Although I'm not team green and don't have a preference, I think this is a good idea if you are struggling.

Definitely. I feel sorry for a lot of these women who are struggling with the gender disappointment. It seems a lot of them feel like they are disappointing others because they cannot give the one gender specific grandchild that their generation is missing. I am given a lot pressure from my MIL to provide a granddaughter because she had only boys. However, I really don't care what she wants. DH and I would be happy with either.

itsmevkb · April 2011

I think you're giving some of these disappointed couples too much credit. Just because you held your baby and felt nothing but love doesn't mean those who only want a boy or a girl will feel the same way.

Lizard2022 · April 2011

If you are going to have some gender disappointment it is going to happen either way. I was glad we knew and found out early because it gave me some time to think about all the great things about having a boy. By the time DS was born I was really excited to meet him and couldn't have cared less that he wasn't a girl.

forensicmama · April 2011

Agreed completely. I don't understand gender disappointment, personally.

dragon_chica · April 2011

SamJustice:
I want a boy more than anything, but as long as my baby's healthy, I'll be the happiest mommy in the world. I'll be the first to admit that I'll be a bit disappointed at first with a girl, but I doubt those feelings would last more than a few hours. And I'd rather have those feelings at 20 weeks rather than at birth, you know? And I hear many stories of women not immediately falling in love with their child and I don't want their sex to be a factor in that. I don't know if that makes nay sense though lol

I think the expectation that you'll immediately fall in love with your child the moment he/she is placed in your arms is a crock. I fell for that belief too with PG #1 and when I didn't feel the rush of love the moment DD was placed in my arms I actually thought something was wrong with me. It wasn't until a week or so later that my unconditional intense love for her started building up. It was then that I realized that it wasn't because I didn't love DD. I was so frickin' exhausted and in pain from all the pushing I really couldn't feel anything at the time. But once that had subsided that's when my emotions allowed me to have those feelings. So whenever people choose to find out the gender I hope that "myth" isn't what's stopping them from deciding to be Team Green or not.

adylina · April 2011

aliska:
I was thinking the same thing, but a while ago I saw a post about this topic. Someone wrote in that they were team green until the end (even though hoping for a boy...had a girl already). Baby was a girl; Dad said some not nice things at delivery.
I think waiting to delivery can build up even more fantasies about the desired gender. May as well get any disappointment over right away, so that you can enjoy your baby.

I would agree with this, except that my parents didn't know I was a baby girl until I was actually born and my dad's family (specifically his parents) visibly and vocally expressed disappointment to my mother... for years... My grandparents drove down with blue balloons and lots of little boy things and horrified my mother's parents with their gender disappointment.

Waiting doesn't always work (if your family was as weird about boy-production as my dad's family was), but I think it might in a normal family.

Stellasmom · April 2011

It's still quite possible to be disappointed at the birth.

G+J=BabyK · April 2011

ShawMich · April 2011

I agree with you 100%. Once anyone sees the baby they created, they won't be able to help but fall in love.

Peta23 · April 2011

Lizard2022:

If you are going to have some gender disappointment it is going to happen either way. I was glad we knew and found out early because it gave me some time to think about all the great things about having a boy. By the time DS was born I was really excited to meet him and couldn't have cared less that he wasn't a girl.

That's actually what I was thinking. I personally think it's ok to find out early as it gives you a chance to prepare a bit better mentally.

NativeFloridian · April 2011

adylina:

I would agree with this, except that my parents didn't know I was a baby girl until I was actually born and my dad's family (specifically his parents) visibly and vocally expressed disappointment to my mother... for years... My grandparents drove down with blue balloons and lots of little boy things and horrified my mother's parents with their gender disappointment.

Waiting doesn't always work (if your family was as weird about boy-production as my dad's family was), but I think it might in a normal family.

Wow, zealous weren't they? I think that level of gender disappointment is a bit on the extreme side, and not very nice. Ultimately, you've got this child who doesn't deserve for anyone to be disappointed in him/her simply because they weren't born the opposite gender, and if the pointless disappointment lasts long enough for the kid to notice it I imagine the kid would have some questions about why their family members don't "like" them.

I guess I could see how getting the disappointment overwith early on would be better if disappointment is going to be an issue at all. It is true that not everyone falls in love with their LO immediately after the birth, and I guess I could see where there'd be some room for disappointment in the interim. Personally, I'll never be disappointed one way or the other - I wasn't with DD, and I wasn't when we found out this LO's gender either. But everyone approaches pregnancy differently.

adylina · April 2011

NativeFloridian:
adylina:

I would agree with this, except that my parents didn't know I was a baby girl until I was actually born and my dad's family (specifically his parents) visibly and vocally expressed disappointment to my mother... for years... My grandparents drove down with blue balloons and lots of little boy things and horrified my mother's parents with their gender disappointment.

Waiting doesn't always work (if your family was as weird about boy-production as my dad's family was), but I think it might in a normal family.
Wow, zealous weren't they? I think that level of gender disappointment is a bit on the extreme side, and not very nice. Ultimately, you've got this child who doesn't deserve for anyone to be disappointed in him/her simply because they weren't born the opposite gender, and if the pointless disappointment lasts long enough for the kid to notice it I imagine the kid would have some questions about why their family members don't "like" them.

I guess I could see how getting the disappointment overwith early on would be better if disappointment is going to be an issue at all. It is true that not everyone falls in love with their LO immediately after the birth, and I guess I could see where there'd be some room for disappointment in the interim. Personally, I'll never be disappointed one way or the other - I wasn't with DD, and I wasn't when we found out this LO's gender either. But everyone approaches pregnancy differently.

It's unbelievable how zealous they were. My dad's parents and (some of) his siblings took the production of a male child very, very, <b>very</b> seriously. And this type of behaviour went on for years, like every-time-someone-had-a child-for-about-15-years long time.

If the parents (or extended family in my case) are going to be disappointed, you might as well let them work it out before baby is born so that all the infant photos don't a) lack half the family because the child wasn't worth hanging around for or b) a very glum group of people staring morosely at the unacceptably genital-ed child. That doesn't make baby feel very nice when she's all grown up.

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