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MrsAJL
member
What to do with a challenging 3 year old?
MrsAJL
member
*sigh* My mother's curse has come to bear. I have given birth to a child just like me and it's my darling, wonderful, mouthy, challenging Ben.
So here's my dilemma. He and I are ripe for the head butting. I know that a LOT of his behavior is very much a product of his age. He's testing his boundaries and limits and discovering his voice.
But I find myself playing right in to it and going head to head with his defiant behavior. A grown-up would probably know better and keep true to the sage advice that "You never negotiate with terrorists and three year olds." 
I'm failing miserably.
Moms of challenging little ones, what's your strategy? How do you keep from saying something you really shouldn't or losing your cool?
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Re: What to do with a challenging 3 year old?
Send him to live with your mom until he is 4 - LOL
HUGS
You have to be consistent and not let him see you sweat... wink wink Now is the time to introduce some type of discipline - whatever you are comfortable with and stick to it. There can be a warning that the behavior is not acceptable and if it continues X will happen. But you have to follow through with X if you say you are going to use X.
DS suddenly started standing his ground right around three too. I blame daddy though. What's worked best for us is to have him go to his room. He is very stubborn. As soon as he refuses to do something I've asked him to do or he throws a fit i send him to his room with the instructions that he can come back out when he is ready to do what I asked or when the fit is over. I'm actually in shock to see him walk out when he's ready and pick up his toy or whatever it is I asked him to do.
Four is not much better. Trust me. I have gotten a lot out of the book Setting Limits with your strong willed child. https://www.amazon.com/Setting-Limits-Your-Strong-Willed-Child/dp/0761521364/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1301688802&sr=1-1
What works best for us is 1) communicating consequences clearly and keeping them consistent. 2) Giving choices for options A and B but not a free reign of choices. 3) When tantrums persist - having her go to her room until she can act appropriately and "use her words"
And, when I mess up and act inappropriately- I apologize and explain why I was wrong. Just like we ask her to do when she has bad behavior. It sets a good example. I also have to tell myself sometimes "I am the adult" to make sure I remember not to react to her based on my irritation.
I've heard the 123 Magic book is good to for techniques to handle spirited kiddos. ETA: Also - I've heard good things about Parenting with Love and Logic too.
This book preserved my sanity. There are two versions, a Christian one and a "secular" one (for lack of a better word). I have no idea what the Christian one has that the secular one doesn't, as I've only used the latter.