I'M PISSED. I'm pissed because I can't eat or drink and I'm queasy because of it. I'm pissed that I still feel pregnant. I'm pissed that I'll have to do an entire 1st tri all over again- the gagging, the constant nausea, the weakness, the fatigue, all of it. I'm pissed I was a shitty mother for 2 months because I felt like ass for absolutely nothing. I just really pissed today.
My SIL posted pictures of BIL and his fiance's wedding shower. And I realized that I never RSVPd.
Oops.
Its not like they thought I was actually coming. It was in Michigan. They know I'm not even coming to the wedding. But I still should have called. Now they have even more justification in hating me.
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I'M PISSED. I'm pissed because I can't eat or drink and I'm queasy because of it. I'm pissed that I still feel pregnant. I'm pissed that I'll have to do an entire 1st tri all over again- the gagging, the constant nausea, the weakness, the fatigue, all of it. I'm pissed I was a shitty mother for 2 months because I felt like ass for absolutely nothing. I just really pissed today.
so sorry, jenny. i just wanted to say that while you felt like you were a shitty mom for two months, your little guy didnt. when i was sick, i was so worried about not spending enough time playing with ruby, enough time hugging her or loving on her, bc i felt like complete poo too. but she came through it all fine. the 2 months are a tiny, tiny piece of their life and they will not remember it at all. you are a great momma the rest of the time, that is what he will remember.
and you have every right to be pissed. im pissed for you. it is very unfair and sad.
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we just got a TON of checks in the mail (all reimbursements for stuff, they just happened to arrive w/ in days of each other). so, it's not extra/ bonus money, it's money that was already spent from our accts.
anyway, i used a small part of it to buy a rug. i didn't tell DH. but i'm sure it'll really tie the room together. and, let's face it, he probably won't notice for a few months.
Barney is Anderson and Vivian's new BFF. I swore up and down I'd never ever ever let a kid watch Barney but they caught an episode and they're freaking addicts. I sold my soul to a giant purple dinosaur for total golden silence for 30 minutes a day. Whateva. (And A will only watch the old school episodes we've got on our On Demand, so we watch the same 4 episodes over and over again. Even awesomer!)
brideonjuly8:
I'M PISSED. I'm pissed because I can't eat or drink and I'm queasy because of it. I'm pissed that I still feel pregnant. I'm pissed that I'll have to do an entire 1st tri all over again- the gagging, the constant nausea, the weakness, the fatigue, all of it. I'm pissed I was a shitty mother for 2 months because I felt like ass for absolutely nothing. I just really pissed today.
Big, huge hugs. I'm pissed for you. You weren't a shitty mom - there's no way you could ever be.
the bug & bee blog
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
My MIL* is coming in tomorrow. My house is a disaster and needs to be cleaned I have dirty and clean laundry in random piles all over the living room and front hall way, waiting to be washed or put away.
I'm so not doing any of it. This is what a house where a 3 year old and a 3 month old live (and a mom running on 5 or 6 hours of sleep.) If she doesn't like it, she can suck it.
*I do like my MIL a lot! She has never complained about my housekeeping skills. Ever. I'm just projecting my own insecurities on her.
I'm considering taking Jack to happy hour with my team. DH's hand foot and mouth is really bad and he's REALLY whinny (with every right). We're going to a bar with an outdoor patio and another dad is bringing his wife and son that is a few months old just so she can get out of the house. If I go I'm not going to drink but I also don't want to go home and listen to DH. If we're there he won't sleep and it's just better if he sleeps right now.
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I'M PISSED. I'm pissed because I can't eat or drink and I'm queasy because of it. I'm pissed that I still feel pregnant. I'm pissed that I'll have to do an entire 1st tri all over again- the gagging, the constant nausea, the weakness, the fatigue, all of it. I'm pissed I was a shitty mother for 2 months because I felt like ass for absolutely nothing. I just really pissed today.
Oh, bride. I'm so sorry. I felt the exact same way and was ticked as well. It's so normal and healthy, actually. I'm praying for you.
****************************
Mine: I cannot wait to leave my kids with my FIL in 2.5 hours. I'm counting down. I need a break in the WORST way.
C and I are staying at my mom's while we're in town. She is in Ireland and won't be back until late tonight. My sister kept C on Wed. night so she spent the night but we were here alone last night. My FFFC- I'm scared to be here alone, especially with C. It's a big house out in the country and there are a lot of windows in the living room with no window coverings so I always feel like there are murderers/ ghosts/ whatever standing in the back yard and watching us.
But, the thing is, my parents moved in here before I was born (and the house was new when they did) so it's not like it's creepy and old or even like I'm unfamiliar with it, I'm just a big wimp.
**Bride**- lots of hugs. You totally deserve to be pissed. Thinking of you today.
I'm afraid that people think I'm a quiverfull* religious fanatic because I'm having a third kid. Sometimes I feel embarrassed when I tell folks it's my third, and like I should wear a shirt that says "secular humanist". Even though I'm 34 and have become fairly comfortable in my own skin, in this respect I feel like an image-conscious high schooler who wants to maintain her cool kid identity.
*for those wondering, quiverfull is what the Duggers are. It's the idea that you shouldn't use any bc, and let God determine how many kids you have, even if it means you spend 25 years pregnant. All due respect to any of the ladies on here who are part of this movement, but it ain't me.
C and I are staying at my mom's while we're in town. She is in Ireland and won't be back until late tonight. My sister kept C on Wed. night so she spent the night but we were here alone last night. My FFFC- I'm scared to be here alone, especially with C. It's a big house out in the country and there are a lot of windows in the living room with no window coverings so I always feel like there are murderers/ ghosts/ whatever standing in the back yard and watching us.
But, the thing is, my parents moved in here before I was born (and the house was new when they did) so it's not like it's creepy and old or even like I'm unfamiliar with it, I'm just a big wimp.
**Bride**- lots of hugs. You totally deserve to be pissed. Thinking of you today.
I've always said I feel safer in the ghettos of Detroit than I do out in the country. You never know what could be lurking in those cornfields....
DH says the same thing. He used to be a field tech and fixed generators. He'd be in the worst neighborhood of Houston and feel at home. But send him out to no-man's land in east Texas or Louisiana and he was shaking in his books! Worst fear.....an old man in overalls and barefoot, asking "You ain't from around here, are ya?" as banjos play in the background....
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#1: i hate my body right now. i feel like i just look fat or like i cant buy clothes that fit properly. im also freaked out that i've gained 9 pounds from my lowest weight at the height of the hyperemesis. i worry that it's b/c now that i'm eating again, im not making the smartest choices. but i didnt eat for two months, i missed food.
#2: i hate that hyperemesis is hereditary. my mom had it, then i had it, and ruby might have it. i get so scared when i look at her now and imagine how hard it might be for her to carry babies someday. it's not exactly the legacy you want to pass to your daughters.
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I got nothing, so boring. although I don't feel well and need to catch a flight in a few hours (going home, wahoo!) - I can't wait to relax for the next 8-ish weeks. I'm starting to hurt.
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ILs are coming to town so DH and I can get away before baby comes - but DH will not makr up his mind about whaere he wants to go - does eh think we can just get flights and hotel at the last minute???? GGGRRR
I'M PISSED. I'm pissed because I can't eat or drink and I'm queasy because of it. I'm pissed that I still feel pregnant. I'm pissed that I'll have to do an entire 1st tri all over again- the gagging, the constant nausea, the weakness, the fatigue, all of it. I'm pissed I was a shitty mother for 2 months because I felt like ass for absolutely nothing. I just really pissed today.
Huge hugs, Sweetie. I totally get your anger. I still get angry every now and then. Its natural and all part of the healing process so allow yourself to feel it. Just the fact that you are worried about being a bad mom, makes you such an amazing mom. You could NEVER be a bad mom to S and he is so incredibly blessed to have you.
My confession (I will probably delete this later): My period was ten days late and during that entire time I was really hoping that this was it. I'm on the pill not to mention I couldn't even get knocked up when I was going through fertility treatments so it is a completley insane thought that it might have happened aside from the fact that I'm not married (not that I think you should be married becuase I don't) and I have no business getting knocked up right now for many many different reasons. But I wanted it so so bad. When AF finally came, I was devistated. It is stupid and ridiculous but for the last ten days I've been in a major funk over it and cursed popping the pill again this week.
1) I'm pissed/jealous of a certain person that's forced to be in my life by association...that seems to have it all...everything I want right now anyway. I drank a little too much at HH last night and cried bitter, irrational tears all the way home.
2) I'm so angry on behalf of myself, of brideonjuly8, of austxgrl, of kirknsarah, my coworker that I just saw on the TTCAL board, and everyone else affected by infertility and pregnancy loss.
3) I'm bummed that CD1 is approaching. Annoyed that my doctor's office hasn't called with my blood test results (checking HCG to see if I'm pregnant b/c I've just been spotting and all BFNs so far) from Wednesday... even if they were negative I still want to know, you know?
BFP 12.20.2010 :: missed m/c 1/2011 around 8 weeks
BFP @ 9dpo 5.24.2011 :: missed m/c 6/2011 around 7 weeks
positive for ANAs (1:40) with a speckled pattern
MTHFR c677t mutation (heterozygous)
*folic acid, baby asprin, Prometrium, acupuncture, Lovenox*
BFP @ 9dpo 2.1.2012 || HCG = 8 : Progesterone = 19.2
2nd HCG @ 11dpo = 40 || 3rd HCG @ 21dpo = over 5000!
Stick, little one, stick! EDD October 15, 2012
(((brideonjuly8)))) You are not a bad mom, and you have every right to be pissed.
We are having friends over to watch the Final Four with us. We invited them because we enjoy their company but also because I needed a reason to force myself to clean up.
Alex likes to wear Meredith's shoes and play dress up with her. Yesterday he was walking around the house pantsless and wearing pink Sleeping Beauty high heels and carrying a wand. I don't care. I don't worry that he might catch teh gay.
I am ready to stop nursing. It's become a combat sport. Alex won't hold still, and he sees nothing wrong with twisting around while my nipple is in his mouth. I rarely enjoy nursing these days, and I'm ready for him to stop, but he isn't ready. I haven't decided what to do, but despite my crunchy/AP mama leanings, I'm considering deliberately limiting his nursing sessions.
#1: i hate my body right now. i feel like i just look fat or like i cant buy clothes that fit properly. im also freaked out that i've gained 9 pounds from my lowest weight at the height of the hyperemesis. i worry that it's b/c now that i'm eating again, im not making the smartest choices. but i didnt eat for two months, i missed food.
I haven't seen you in a while but judging from your siggy pic, you look LOVELY!! You are a beautiful lady to begin with and i think you make a beautiful pregnant lady. But I think we all know that icky feeling of not loving gaining the pregnancy weight and not being able to find clothes that fit right. I blame bad maternity clothing manufacturers! Glad you are feeling well again.
Bride, I logged on late last night and saw the sad news, and I woke up with just a sick feeling in my stomach for you. You were the first thing I thought of this morning. I am so, so, so very sorry. You have every right to be pissed, and we're all pissed for you too. I hate that you are going through this. Huge hugs to ; I will be thinking of you today.
I had a bad cold last Friday and took NyQuil before going to bed. My DH had to go into work early Saturday morning and I just figured I would hear L when he woke up. Nope!! At 9:30 I woke up, looked at the clock, and started freaking my freak out... I have no idea how long L had been awake (fortunately he was just happily playing in his crib). But yeah, he normally wakes up betw 6-7am. I will not be taking NyQuil before bed now unless I either set an alarm or have DH home with me the next AM to get L when he wakes up.
btw: I think you look awesome judging by your picture boxermama.
And bride, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. Lots of hugs sent your way!!
I am tired of seeing one friend's feed pop up on FB. It's my craze-o friend who posted the lamaze thing (Boom! And then the baby's there) and also posted about she and her H stocking up on wine and wine glasses for the hospital so they could pass out glasses of wine after the baby was born and be the "cool" people that the nurses loved. Earlier this week, she posted that she was back in her pp jeans and is only 10 days postpartum. (Yes, that makes me INSANELY jealous because I'm not even close to being back into my pp clothes.) And today she posts that she and her H got to enjoy a super-romantic dinner out last night with their perfect baby girl who didn't make a peep because "baby knows it's rude to cry in a nice restaurant." Um, yeah. Sure. If we go out, we have to eat as fast as we can because DD is a pistol and does not want to just hang out (and never has), she wants to be DOING something. I am terrible because I seriously hope her DD turns out to be a hellion. I think I am going to hide her from my feed because seeing all these posts not only brings out the green-eyed monster in me but it also makes me want to .
Bride - Take all the time to be as p!ssed as you want. And like PP said, the fact that you are worried that you were a bad mom means you totally are not. **Hugs** I wish there was more that we could do to help you through this.
No siggy pic until TB gets rid of Twitter and FB links
C and I are staying at my mom's while we're in town. She is in Ireland and won't be back until late tonight. My sister kept C on Wed. night so she spent the night but we were here alone last night. My FFFC- I'm scared to be here alone, especially with C. It's a big house out in the country and there are a lot of windows in the living room with no window coverings so I always feel like there are murderers/ ghosts/ whatever standing in the back yard and watching us.
Dude. This probably is not going to help, but I always think of Watcher in the Woods when I'm at a place like that. Creepy!! Do they have a baseball bat that you can sleep with?
No siggy pic until TB gets rid of Twitter and FB links
I have been surrounded by heartache and hearing so many sad stories from friends and family, and yet I've been incredibly blessed over the last 12 months. I know I should be taking the life lesson from that, in that my worst problem is that I've had to go back to work. But I can't stop feeling angry. I'm angry every second I'm not with DD. So angry, it's affecting the rest of my life. I chewed out a car salesman last night for wasting 45 minutes of my time, because it was 45 minutes I could have and should have spent playing with Olivia. I'm sitting at my desk crying right now because my mother just called to tell me Olivia found her thumb. It's not like it's the first time ... it's the second time she's found and sucked her thumb. But I feel like I've missed a major part of her childhood, and cant' stop thinking of everything else I'm going to miss. And what am I doing instead? Sitting in a cubicle working on software that helps mechanics continue to rip people off.
ETA: Yes, I know I'm being a drama queen. Knowing that doesn't make me any less angry or any more appreciative. Sorry.
I have been surrounded by heartache and hearing so many sad stories from friends and family, and yet I've been incredibly blessed over the last 12 months. I know I should be taking the life lesson from that, in that my worst problem is that I've had to go back to work. But I can't stop feeling angry. I'm angry every second I'm not with DD. So angry, it's affecting the rest of my life. I chewed out a car salesman last night for wasting 45 minutes of my time, because it was 45 minutes I could have and should have spent playing with Olivia. I'm sitting at my desk crying right now because my mother just called to tell me Olivia found her thumb. It's not like it's the first time ... it's the second time she's found and sucked her thumb. But I feel like I've missed a major part of her childhood, and cant' stop thinking of everything else I'm going to miss. And what am I doing instead? Sitting in a cubicle working on software that helps mechanics continue to rip people off.
ETA: Yes, I know I'm being a drama queen. Knowing that doesn't make me any less angry or any more appreciative. Sorry.
(((hugs)))
It gets better, I promise. Jakob spent his first 6 years in daycare and I don't look back and feel like I missed anything. I remember everything about his early days as much I remember Layna's. Staying home with Layna hasn't made me feel like I know her better or anything.
Quality over quantity. Make than your new mantra
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I'm sitting at my desk crying right now because my mother just called to tell me Olivia found her thumb. It's not like it's the first time ... it's the second time she's found and sucked her thumb. But I feel like I've missed a major part of her childhood, and cant' stop thinking of everything else I'm going to miss.
disclaimer- this is NOT to undermine your feelings in ANY way.
You might want to talk to your mom about mentioning "firsts." It's inevitable that you will miss some. But, Olivia's firsts will be the times when she does the first FOR YOU. So, just give mom the heads up to keep it to herself!
I used to work in an infant room when I was in college and we were very sensitive to this. We would, of course, engage the children in gross motor and speech/language development, but we would NEVER write on their daily sheets or convey to mom/dad that they had done something that day that they hadn't done the day/week before. We waited until mom/dad told US, "Oh, she's rolling now," or "She can say mama."
Thanks, y'all. MC, that is a good idea. I was goign to ask her to wait until I was home (since I obviously can't work like that), but I think I may ask her to do that. I think that may help.
I am just tired. My DS(4 months) is a really difficult baby. One would think that since being my third that this would be easy. It's not. He's a really tough baby. I love him dearly but I am about to pull all my hair out. He is up all night. He is not hungry, just awake. And then he doesn't nap well at all during the day. It's a vicious cycle. As a last ditch effort, I finally put him on reflux medicine. It's all that I have left. He cries so much; in the carseat, in his crib, he hates the swing,etc... He loves to be worn but I just can't physically do that 24 hours a day. I feel bad because it's like I am immune to his crying. I hear it but it doesn't really affect me. That's bad, huh?!?! I had a crap-tastic pregnancy and I was really hoping for an easy baby. Didn't happen. But, his sweet smile melts away all my irratations but sometimes it's just good to vent!
Ty is going to a school dance tonight and asked a girl he really likes. He and dh just left to go pick her up and her parents are picking up. Ty has no clue her mom and I have been chatting and texting about them all week long. Shhhhh.
I've had a lot of down time this week during classes because they were all drawing still life drawings and they don't like it when I hover. So, after I made my rounds, I spent some time on here. I hardly ever do that--I normally don't go on here or fb during school...it's not my thing. But, I had nothing else to do while they were drawing...the lights were out, so I couldn't really see much outside of the circle of students drawing.
Next week will be back to normal...I'm bummed...it's been nice to "talk" to y'all during the day.
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Re: FFFC!!
Well, since this is here....
I'M PISSED. I'm pissed because I can't eat or drink and I'm queasy because of it. I'm pissed that I still feel pregnant. I'm pissed that I'll have to do an entire 1st tri all over again- the gagging, the constant nausea, the weakness, the fatigue, all of it. I'm pissed I was a shitty mother for 2 months because I felt like ass for absolutely nothing. I just really pissed today.
My SIL posted pictures of BIL and his fiance's wedding shower. And I realized that I never RSVPd.
Oops.
Its not like they thought I was actually coming. It was in Michigan. They know I'm not even coming to the wedding. But I still should have called. Now they have even more justification in hating me.
so sorry, jenny. i just wanted to say that while you felt like you were a shitty mom for two months, your little guy didnt. when i was sick, i was so worried about not spending enough time playing with ruby, enough time hugging her or loving on her, bc i felt like complete poo too. but she came through it all fine. the 2 months are a tiny, tiny piece of their life and they will not remember it at all. you are a great momma the rest of the time, that is what he will remember.
and you have every right to be pissed. im pissed for you. it is very unfair and sad.
we just got a TON of checks in the mail (all reimbursements for stuff, they just happened to arrive w/ in days of each other). so, it's not extra/ bonus money, it's money that was already spent from our accts.
anyway, i used a small part of it to buy a rug. i didn't tell DH. but i'm sure it'll really tie the room together. and, let's face it, he probably won't notice for a few months.
Barney is Anderson and Vivian's new BFF. I swore up and down I'd never ever ever let a kid watch Barney but they caught an episode and they're freaking addicts. I sold my soul to a giant purple dinosaur for total golden silence for 30 minutes a day. Whateva. (And A will only watch the old school episodes we've got on our On Demand, so we watch the same 4 episodes over and over again. Even awesomer!)
Big, huge hugs. I'm pissed for you. You weren't a shitty mom - there's no way you could ever be.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
My MIL* is coming in tomorrow. My house is a disaster and needs to be cleaned I have dirty and clean laundry in random piles all over the living room and front hall way, waiting to be washed or put away.
I'm so not doing any of it. This is what a house where a 3 year old and a 3 month old live (and a mom running on 5 or 6 hours of sleep.) If she doesn't like it, she can suck it.
*I do like my MIL a lot! She has never complained about my housekeeping skills. Ever. I'm just projecting my own insecurities on her.
Oh, bride. I'm so sorry. I felt the exact same way and was ticked as well. It's so normal and healthy, actually. I'm praying for you.
****************************
Mine: I cannot wait to leave my kids with my FIL in 2.5 hours. I'm counting down. I need a break in the WORST way.
C and I are staying at my mom's while we're in town. She is in Ireland and won't be back until late tonight. My sister kept C on Wed. night so she spent the night but we were here alone last night. My FFFC- I'm scared to be here alone, especially with C. It's a big house out in the country and there are a lot of windows in the living room with no window coverings so I always feel like there are murderers/ ghosts/ whatever standing in the back yard and watching us.
But, the thing is, my parents moved in here before I was born (and the house was new when they did) so it's not like it's creepy and old or even like I'm unfamiliar with it, I'm just a big wimp.
**Bride**- lots of hugs. You totally deserve to be pissed. Thinking of you today.
I'm afraid that people think I'm a quiverfull* religious fanatic because I'm having a third kid. Sometimes I feel embarrassed when I tell folks it's my third, and like I should wear a shirt that says "secular humanist". Even though I'm 34 and have become fairly comfortable in my own skin, in this respect I feel like an image-conscious high schooler who wants to maintain her cool kid identity.
*for those wondering, quiverfull is what the Duggers are. It's the idea that you shouldn't use any bc, and let God determine how many kids you have, even if it means you spend 25 years pregnant. All due respect to any of the ladies on here who are part of this movement, but it ain't me.
I've always said I feel safer in the ghettos of Detroit than I do out in the country. You never know what could be lurking in those cornfields....
DH says the same thing. He used to be a field tech and fixed generators. He'd be in the worst neighborhood of Houston and feel at home. But send him out to no-man's land in east Texas or Louisiana and he was shaking in his books! Worst fear.....an old man in overalls and barefoot, asking "You ain't from around here, are ya?" as banjos play in the background....
#1: i hate my body right now. i feel like i just look fat or like i cant buy clothes that fit properly. im also freaked out that i've gained 9 pounds from my lowest weight at the height of the hyperemesis. i worry that it's b/c now that i'm eating again, im not making the smartest choices. but i didnt eat for two months, i missed food.
#2: i hate that hyperemesis is hereditary. my mom had it, then i had it, and ruby might have it. i get so scared when i look at her now and imagine how hard it might be for her to carry babies someday. it's not exactly the legacy you want to pass to your daughters.
I got nothing, so boring. although I don't feel well and need to catch a flight in a few hours (going home, wahoo!) - I can't wait to relax for the next 8-ish weeks. I'm starting to hurt.
Bride - So sorry HUGS!!!
ILs are coming to town so DH and I can get away before baby comes - but DH will not makr up his mind about whaere he wants to go - does eh think we can just get flights and hotel at the last minute???? GGGRRR
My confession (I will probably delete this later): My period was ten days late and during that entire time I was really hoping that this was it. I'm on the pill not to mention I couldn't even get knocked up when I was going through fertility treatments so it is a completley insane thought that it might have happened aside from the fact that I'm not married (not that I think you should be married becuase I don't) and I have no business getting knocked up right now for many many different reasons. But I wanted it so so bad. When AF finally came, I was devistated. It is stupid and ridiculous but for the last ten days I've been in a major funk over it and cursed popping the pill again this week.
1) I'm pissed/jealous of a certain person that's forced to be in my life by association...that seems to have it all...everything I want right now anyway. I drank a little too much at HH last night and cried bitter, irrational tears all the way home.
2) I'm so angry on behalf of myself, of brideonjuly8, of austxgrl, of kirknsarah, my coworker that I just saw on the TTCAL board, and everyone else affected by infertility and pregnancy loss.
3) I'm bummed that CD1 is approaching. Annoyed that my doctor's office hasn't called with my blood test results (checking HCG to see if I'm pregnant b/c I've just been spotting and all BFNs so far) from Wednesday... even if they were negative I still want to know, you know?
BFP 12.20.2010 :: missed m/c 1/2011 around 8 weeks
BFP @ 9dpo 5.24.2011 :: missed m/c 6/2011 around 7 weeks
positive for ANAs (1:40) with a speckled pattern
MTHFR c677t mutation (heterozygous)
*folic acid, baby asprin, Prometrium, acupuncture, Lovenox*
BFP @ 9dpo 2.1.2012 || HCG = 8 : Progesterone = 19.2
2nd HCG @ 11dpo = 40 || 3rd HCG @ 21dpo = over 5000!
Stick, little one, stick! EDD October 15, 2012
(((brideonjuly8)))) You are not a bad mom, and you have every right to be pissed.
We are having friends over to watch the Final Four with us. We invited them because we enjoy their company but also because I needed a reason to force myself to clean up.
Alex likes to wear Meredith's shoes and play dress up with her. Yesterday he was walking around the house pantsless and wearing pink Sleeping Beauty high heels and carrying a wand. I don't care. I don't worry that he might catch teh gay.
I am ready to stop nursing. It's become a combat sport. Alex won't hold still, and he sees nothing wrong with twisting around while my nipple is in his mouth. I rarely enjoy nursing these days, and I'm ready for him to stop, but he isn't ready. I haven't decided what to do, but despite my crunchy/AP mama leanings, I'm considering deliberately limiting his nursing sessions.
I haven't seen you in a while but judging from your siggy pic, you look LOVELY!! You are a beautiful lady to begin with and i think you make a beautiful pregnant lady.
But I think we all know that icky feeling of not loving gaining the pregnancy weight and not being able to find clothes that fit right. I blame bad maternity clothing manufacturers! Glad you are feeling well again.
Bride, I logged on late last night and saw the sad news, and I woke up with just a sick feeling in my stomach for you. You were the first thing I thought of this morning. I am so, so, so very sorry. You have every right to be pissed, and we're all pissed for you too. I hate that you are going through this.
Huge hugs to ; I will be thinking of you today.
I have another confession!
I had a bad cold last Friday and took NyQuil before going to bed. My DH had to go into work early Saturday morning and I just figured I would hear L when he woke up. Nope!! At 9:30 I woke up, looked at the clock, and started freaking my freak out... I have no idea how long L had been awake (fortunately he was just happily playing in his crib). But yeah, he normally wakes up betw 6-7am.
I will not be taking NyQuil before bed now unless I either set an alarm or have DH home with me the next AM to get L when he wakes up. 
btw: I think you look awesome judging by your picture boxermama.
And bride, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. Lots of hugs sent your way!!
I am tired of seeing one friend's feed pop up on FB. It's my craze-o friend who posted the lamaze thing (Boom! And then the baby's there) and also posted about she and her H stocking up on wine and wine glasses for the hospital so they could pass out glasses of wine after the baby was born and be the "cool" people that the nurses loved.
Earlier this week, she posted that she was back in her pp jeans and is only 10 days postpartum. (Yes, that makes me INSANELY jealous because I'm not even close to being back into my pp clothes.) And today she posts that she and her H got to enjoy a super-romantic dinner out last night with their perfect baby girl who didn't make a peep because "baby knows it's rude to cry in a nice restaurant." Um, yeah. Sure. If we go out, we have to eat as fast as we can because DD is a pistol and does not want to just hang out (and never has), she wants to be DOING something. I am terrible because I seriously hope her DD turns out to be a hellion. I think I am going to hide her from my feed because seeing all these posts not only brings out the green-eyed monster in me but it also makes me want to
.
Bride - Take all the time to be as p!ssed as you want. And like PP said, the fact that you are worried that you were a bad mom means you totally are not. **Hugs** I wish there was more that we could do to help you through this.
Dude. This probably is not going to help, but I always think of Watcher in the Woods when I'm at a place like that. Creepy!! Do they have a baseball bat that you can sleep with?
I have been surrounded by heartache and hearing so many sad stories from friends and family, and yet I've been incredibly blessed over the last 12 months. I know I should be taking the life lesson from that, in that my worst problem is that I've had to go back to work. But I can't stop feeling angry. I'm angry every second I'm not with DD. So angry, it's affecting the rest of my life. I chewed out a car salesman last night for wasting 45 minutes of my time, because it was 45 minutes I could have and should have spent playing with Olivia. I'm sitting at my desk crying right now because my mother just called to tell me Olivia found her thumb. It's not like it's the first time ... it's the second time she's found and sucked her thumb. But I feel like I've missed a major part of her childhood, and cant' stop thinking of everything else I'm going to miss. And what am I doing instead? Sitting in a cubicle working on software that helps mechanics continue to rip people off.
ETA: Yes, I know I'm being a drama queen. Knowing that doesn't make me any less angry or any more appreciative. Sorry.
(((hugs)))
It gets better, I promise. Jakob spent his first 6 years in daycare and I don't look back and feel like I missed anything. I remember everything about his early days as much I remember Layna's. Staying home with Layna hasn't made me feel like I know her better or anything.
Quality over quantity. Make than your new mantra
disclaimer- this is NOT to undermine your feelings in ANY way.
You might want to talk to your mom about mentioning "firsts." It's inevitable that you will miss some. But, Olivia's firsts will be the times when she does the first FOR YOU. So, just give mom the heads up to keep it to herself!
I used to work in an infant room when I was in college and we were very sensitive to this. We would, of course, engage the children in gross motor and speech/language development, but we would NEVER write on their daily sheets or convey to mom/dad that they had done something that day that they hadn't done the day/week before. We waited until mom/dad told US, "Oh, she's rolling now," or "She can say mama."
Hugs to you, SLB.
Well, since you asked!
I am just tired. My DS(4 months) is a really difficult baby. One would think that since being my third that this would be easy. It's not. He's a really tough baby. I love him dearly but I am about to pull all my hair out. He is up all night. He is not hungry, just awake. And then he doesn't nap well at all during the day. It's a vicious cycle. As a last ditch effort, I finally put him on reflux medicine. It's all that I have left. He cries so much; in the carseat, in his crib, he hates the swing,etc... He loves to be worn but I just can't physically do that 24 hours a day. I feel bad because it's like I am immune to his crying. I hear it but it doesn't really affect me. That's bad, huh?!?! I had a crap-tastic pregnancy and I was really hoping for an easy baby. Didn't happen. But, his sweet smile melts away all my irratations but sometimes it's just good to vent!
52 Choices For Better Health
I've had a lot of down time this week during classes because they were all drawing still life drawings and they don't like it when I hover. So, after I made my rounds, I spent some time on here. I hardly ever do that--I normally don't go on here or fb during school...it's not my thing. But, I had nothing else to do while they were drawing...the lights were out, so I couldn't really see much outside of the circle of students drawing.
Next week will be back to normal...I'm bummed...it's been nice to "talk" to y'all during the day.