telling your first child you are expecting another

momtoboo · March 2011

I think DH and I figure she won't understand fully but I was wondering how some of you told your lo's that they were going to be a big sister or brother. My DD is 27mos and she ran up to me while I was folding clothes on the ground. She jumped on me and put a knee right into my belly. I doubt it did any harm but I wanted to say "you have to be careful with momma's belly......Only I can't say that. She repeats stuff and we don't want her saying anything to anyone especially with a bunch of family around for my aunt's viewing and funeral this weekend. So any ideas? How late into the pregnancy did you wait? I'm not planning on letting her come to my ob appts. until I'm like half way through. Ok anything you got...

MrsG.060708 · March 2011

DD was the first person I told! LOL I knew she didn't understand but I had to tell someone while I waited to tell DH.

We've been talking to her about it at random times, and I tell her she has to watch mommy's belly. She'll hug and kiss my stomach and say "hi baby." We also had an u/s yesterday, and I showed her the picture and told her that's the baby in my belly...and she's remembered that. If she sees the u/s pic, she says "baby!" and walks around holding it to her chest.

AshleyEric609 · March 2011

DD is 26 months and we explained there was a baby in my belly and that she had to be careful. She gets it.

For now, just tell her she has to be careful in general, that she can't just jump on people etc.

Lissa832 · March 2011

DS is almost five, so we are in a bit of a different situation. We were very cautious with telling him though. With my last pregnancy, we told him right away. He gave the baby a nickname. When we lost the baby, it was very difficult to explain to him what happened. We didn't want to scare him or make him sad. With this baby, we didn't tell him until after I had a successful ultrasound. We showed him the picture of the baby, and he named this baby as well. I wouldn't tell your LO until you are ready for the world to know. DS outed me to lots of people, lol.

Bride2b2004 · March 2011

We were so excited to be pg when DS was just over 2. We told him pretty quickly, he didn't completely understand, but would ask in a silly way-- "Mommy, let's talk about the baby" and would want to hear about a little brother or sister he would play with etc. Sadly, we lost that baby at 12w. So, yeah, next time we waited until we saw & heard the hb, had a good u/s and bloodwork before telling him. And we will do the same again this time, though he is much more aware now and has already picked up on it based on conversations b/w DH and I... but he still thinks it is all an April Fools joke (long story).

So my advice is I would wait to tell her until you are very comfortable with the pg and until you wouldn't mind if she were to spill the beans. In the meantime, knees to the belly are never a good idea, so I would certainly would say something about that without mentioning the baby.

[Deleted User] · March 2011

From what I've read (so take that for what it's worth), some experts recommend waiting for a long while to tell a toddler. Mostly because they don't have a great concept of time, and telling them "seven or eight months from now, you're going to be a big sister" won't really mean much.

NewMrs52106 · March 2011

We told our DD right away, and say baby and point to my belly, or rub it, etc, and she does repeat it (although sometimes she points to my boobs and says babies...so I figure everyone will assume she's trying to point to my chest or something). We haven't had any problems with her repeating to others (yet!). She also doesn't yet understand to be easy with my belly, etc. I just have to be careful and try to keep her legs/feet away from my belly.

shellybell15 · March 2011

overture:
From what I've read (so take that for what it's worth), some experts recommend waiting for a long while to tell a toddler. Mostly because they don't have a great concept of time, and telling them "seven or eight months from now, you're going to be a big sister" won't really mean much.

This. Even though DH has said stuff like "your little brother is in there" he doesn't get it at all right now. I figure once my belly really starts to show I can start explaining it more.

MissBHaven1024 · April 2011

Our DD will be 5 in May, and we are waiting to tell her because we feel like 9 months is an awful long time to make a child wait, since a 5 year old doesn't have a good concept of time. It's like telling them it's Christmas, but they can't touch the toys. When the baby bump starts showing, then we'll let her know.

melaniejky · April 2011

We told our son almost right away. He's four and hyper and loves to jump and hug, plus he's been asking for a sibling. I didn't have a sitter for my first appt (when they make you take a test) and had only told him to that point that we were talking to the doctor about HAVING a baby. He figured it out by the end of the appointment and said "Mama does this mean there's a baby in your belly?" I said "yes I think so" and he said "yes!" and fist pumped lol....We also had an early ultrasound and saw the heartbeat (to check my dates) so I'm glad we told him. So far, it's just been the 3 of us and he's always included.

Maybe try telling your daughter that you're planning on having a baby and you have to be careful with your stomach area?

Gummybear · April 2011

Lissa832:
DS is almost five, so we are in a bit of a different situation. We were very cautious with telling him though. With my last pregnancy, we told him right away. He gave the baby a nickname. When we lost the baby, it was very difficult to explain to him what happened. We didn't want to scare him or make him sad. With this baby, we didn't tell him until after I had a successful ultrasound. We showed him the picture of the baby, and he named this baby as well. I wouldn't tell your LO until you are ready for the world to know. DS outed me to lots of people, lol.

This. Last time we told DD at 12w after the perfect NT scan. She was SO EXCITED and really into the big sister thing. Telling about the loss at 16w was seriously the worst thing I have ever done. For months she would bring him up and ask when he would be coming back. She would tell random strangers her brother went to heaven.

This time, we waited until at AS to tell her. There is still a chance we'll lose this baby too, of course, but she kept asking if I had a baby in my belly because I was getting so big. She was the last to know. Oddly, she is not nearly as into it this time at all. Which is OK by me.

telling your first child you are expecting another

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