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already on month board, but..

kalajaye17kalajaye17
in Single Parents

want advice from another perspective..

've been considering leaving my bf for a couple weeks now, i know it couldnt be worse timing. He's just changed so much, and im so depressed lately that i dont know what to do. He watches me cry all the time and does nothing but the same things that make me cry. I wanted to just stick it out till the baby was older but i dont think i can. even though i dnt want to be a single mom before i even have to baby and dnt want to deal with what people say. ive told him over and over again how unhappy i am and he doesnt say anything or do anything,,

so would you stay in an unbelievabley unhappy relationship and keep pretending to be happy to everyone else OR leave the boyfriend (he will still be in the babys life) and be a single mom already.

its just really hard, i cry all the time and have horrible thoughts. (not about baby, thats one of the only things im happy about)..ive heard its m pregnancy hormones (blah blah) but i know its not!

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Re: already on month board, but..

  • achase123achase123
    Have you considered counseling?  How long have you been unhappy with your BF?  Only you can decide if your relationship is truly over.  But IMO, you will likely feel better and be confident in your decision if you have done what you could to try to salvage things.
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  • kmartinez80kmartinez80 member
    I don't know what the issues are between you and your BF, so my advice may change with more information from you.  Have you looked into counseling for you individually and as a couple?  Do you just tell him you are unhappy or do you actually communicate with him about how you can both change things to make your relationship better?  Honestly, based on what you've written, I would look into counseling.
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  • kalajaye17kalajaye17

    okay the main problems (without going into detail) are:

    1. hiding things, walking outside everytime his phone rings, staying outside of our apartment building where we know noone for 30 to 40 and saying he was doing "nothing"

    2. having people 'stop by' several times a day and night (he had a bad pill problem before i told him i was pregnant, suppossedly hes stopped but his actions make it seem like he is even worse)

    3. making me pay for almost everything when he makes 3 times as much as i do, he'll get his paycheck (which are pretty good) every friday and be completely broke by sunday.

    4. neverrrrrr ever wanting to have a conversation, his idea of talking is me talking and him saying one word answers back. how can you be with someone you cant talk to or laugh with?

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  • Her_MajestyHer_Majesty
    imagekalajaye17:

    okay the main problems (without going into detail) are:

    1. hiding things, walking outside everytime his phone rings, staying outside of our apartment building where we know noone for 30 to 40 and saying he was doing "nothing"

    2. having people 'stop by' several times a day and night (he had a bad pill problem before i told him i was pregnant, suppossedly hes stopped but his actions make it seem like he is even worse)

    3. making me pay for almost everything when he makes 3 times as much as i do, he'll get his paycheck (which are pretty good) every friday and be completely broke by sunday.

    4. neverrrrrr ever wanting to have a conversation, his idea of talking is me talking and him saying one word answers back. how can you be with someone you cant talk to or laugh with?

     

    Yeaahhh, he's still doing/deaing drugs.

    You need to get out NOW before the baby is here - Do you have some where to go or family you can stay with?

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  • kmartinez80kmartinez80 member
    imagekalajaye17:

    okay the main problems (without going into detail) are:

    1. hiding things, walking outside everytime his phone rings, staying outside of our apartment building where we know noone for 30 to 40 and saying he was doing "nothing"

    2. having people 'stop by' several times a day and night (he had a bad pill problem before i told him i was pregnant, suppossedly hes stopped but his actions make it seem like he is even worse)

    3. making me pay for almost everything when he makes 3 times as much as i do, he'll get his paycheck (which are pretty good) every friday and be completely broke by sunday.

    4. neverrrrrr ever wanting to have a conversation, his idea of talking is me talking and him saying one word answers back. how can you be with someone you cant talk to or laugh with?

    Based on this info my advice would be to leave.  He's definitely being shady and is likely dealing/using or something else just as shady.  You need to document everything for when it comes time to go to court for custody/visitation (if he is using/dealing/both then you need to be able to make the case and provide the evidence so that your LO is not put in a dangerous situation).  I stand by my advice for counseling for you, it'll help you deal with the emotions you're feeling and hopefully lead to a happier you.  Lastly, I would put it on your list to look into lawyers for when the baby gets here.  Start saving for your lawyers fees now and set up some free consultations.  Good luck!

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  • haleyw458haleyw458 member
    I agree with PP. You need to leave. If you are already this unhappy it is just going to get worse once the baby arrives.

    DO NOT stay in a relationship for a child. You need to teach them what a healthy relationship is and this is far from that.

    Good luck!

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  • NativeFloridianNativeFloridian member
    imagekalajaye17:

    okay the main problems (without going into detail) are:

    1. hiding things, walking outside everytime his phone rings, staying outside of our apartment building where we know noone for 30 to 40 and saying he was doing "nothing"

    2. having people 'stop by' several times a day and night (he had a bad pill problem before i told him i was pregnant, suppossedly hes stopped but his actions make it seem like he is even worse)

    3. making me pay for almost everything when he makes 3 times as much as i do, he'll get his paycheck (which are pretty good) every friday and be completely broke by sunday.

    4. neverrrrrr ever wanting to have a conversation, his idea of talking is me talking and him saying one word answers back. how can you be with someone you cant talk to or laugh with?

    Hi, lurker here.  But your post pulled me in.

    Leave him.  He will most likely never change, which means that you and that child will always be subject to - possibly victims of - his shady behaviors, drug abuse, and the shady friends he brings around if you don't get yourself out of the situation.  Drugs aren't always just dangerous to the people abusing them.  People are killed over drug disputes, even something as seemingly stupid as pills.  Get away now.  And if you can, gather up some evidence of his drug use so that if he does end up having to be part of the kid's life, you can at least try to see if the courts will force him to deal with his addiction before he's allowed to have the baby alone.

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    // I love you too. //

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  • StephK86StephK86
    imagekalajaye17:

    okay the main problems (without going into detail) are:

    1. hiding things, walking outside everytime his phone rings, staying outside of our apartment building where we know noone for 30 to 40 and saying he was doing "nothing"

    2. having people 'stop by' several times a day and night (he had a bad pill problem before i told him i was pregnant, suppossedly hes stopped but his actions make it seem like he is even worse)

    3. making me pay for almost everything when he makes 3 times as much as i do, he'll get his paycheck (which are pretty good) every friday and be completely broke by sunday.

    4. neverrrrrr ever wanting to have a conversation, his idea of talking is me talking and him saying one word answers back. how can you be with someone you cant talk to or laugh with?

     

    I am so glad you posted! Not that I am glad you are going through this at all. I just feel all alone too. This describes my bf so much it's crazy except the pill thing. He is always doing what he wants and being a sneak. I pay for everything and anything, he has actually lost jobs many times and I had to pick up the slack. We never communicate either. It's like talking to a brick wall I get a "yeah" or "ok". I am so scared of sitting pregnant by myself even though my family is very supportive. I feel like a failure, like everyone will wonder why I am a single pregnant woman. My bf causes so many problems between my family, friends and I it's sick. He is just the most selfish person you will ever meet latley. Our son died in June and life has been hard. So half of the things he does I make excuses for. But you know what I am hurting too and from what I gather worse then he is and I don't treat anybody like he does. I am trying to be a strong girl and leave. I have tried a million times then my mind gets the best of me and I stay. I just hate the feeling of having to sit at my appointments alone and giving birth alone. I don't think counciling can even help at this point. Good luck to you girl...sorry I wan't much help just wanted to let you know we are in the same boat.

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