Working Moms

s/o "easier" to leave a baby or older kid?

A lot of people in the post below had a harder time leaving their infant because they're so little and need so much.  But honestly, I have a harder time leaving my 2 yo DD than my 7 mo DS.  DS doesn't really get it and as long as he is fed and changed, he's pretty happy.  While my DD knows what is going on and can make me feel much more guilty if I let it.  "NO SCHOOL!  NO SCHOOL!  MOMMY!  MOMMY!  I NEED YOU MOMMY!" She doesn't do this often, but she knows what Friday means and looks forward to weekends.

Anyway, glad to see the post below about positives for older kids, but was just curious about the responses.

Re: s/o "easier" to leave a baby or older kid?

  • I'm exactly the same as you.  It was much easier for me when my kids didn't have any concept of time and couldn't tell me they missed me.  Now on days when my son is happy to go to school, it's fine and on days when he tells me he doesn't want to go, I feel horrible that he has to spend 9 or 10 hours there. 
  • I think it's harder for the mom to leave an infant until she has 100% comfort in the caregiver. I think it's harder for a older child to leave a mom. I guess it's your perspective of what is easier.

    My mom SAH for the first 4 years of my life which she says were her happiest times. But I have no memories of that and just remember being a latch key kid with no moms on the sidelines for sporting events or band concerts. Once school starts (1st grade), I hope to cut back so I can be home with her after school 1-2 afternoons a week. I want DD to remember me being there for her, which she won't as an infant/toddler.

    I also should add that I think I am lucky to have a balance of DD being with different grandparents 2 days a week and learning/playing at school the other 3. I think it would be harder to leave her at school 5 days at this age or younger.

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  • For me, both are hard, but my DD is pretty Mommy-centric right now so that is probably skewing my view.  As a baby she didn't take a bottle well and that was an extra stress, on top of just feeling like she would be wondering where I was and not understand.  Now, she definitely understands but will stall when we are trying to leave the house in the morning, tell me "No like it school" even though I know she does like it once she's there, etc...and she does cry when I drop her off.  If DH drops her off she will just kiss him and say "Bye bye, Daddy." 
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  • imageduchess0727:
    I'm exactly the same as you.  It was much easier for me when my kids didn't have any concept of time and couldn't tell me they missed me.  Now on days when my son is happy to go to school, it's fine and on days when he tells me he doesn't want to go, I feel horrible that he has to spend 9 or 10 hours there. 

    Yeah, I think you posted something about this last week.  Definitely got me thinking... 

  • I'm with you. Traveling when DS was less than 10 months was easy... feed, change=happy. Now, he cries when we leave and looks for us when we are not at home. I fully anticipate it to get even harder as he gets older.
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  • It was very easy for me to leave my newborn with my DCP, but it's getting harder now that she's almost 2.  She's actually fun to be around now, ya know?

    Luckily for me, DH does 3 dropoffs a week, and I only do one dropoff, so, I don't have to deal with it very much.

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  • It's "easier" to leave my DD now b/c she doesn't realize it but she's waaaaaaay better off playing with other kids all day than being stuck with me 1 on 1.  I felt usurped and jealous of our DCP when DD was an infant (way too long of a story for this) so a lot of my issues also stem from that. 
  • Both are hard but in different ways.  I agree with Jenuine that leaving babies is difficult until you get comfortable with the provider because really, it's your own nervousness you are dealing with.   It's been far worse for me now that the boys are old enough to say, "Mama, don't go to work" or "I'm gonna miss you" with the super pouty face.  I also get "Call me later Mama to check on me."  Now that they are old enough to know I am leaving them it definitely tugs at my heart more.
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  • I'm with you- it was much easier when they were 5 months old & as long as someone was taking care of them, they were happy. I was off for summer & went back to work when they were 12 months & it was SOOOO much harder. crying, clinging to us, etc. First one had separation anxiety and then several months later the other started. Definitely much harder on us, for sure.
  • Yup, I had a surprisingly easy time going back to work after ML, and then it started getting hard once DD hit a year or so.

    To be brutally honest, the newborn thing is a little tedious for me so I was pretty okay having a break from it.  I think toddler time is a lot more fun.

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  • imageIblamethebeer:

    To be brutally honest, the newborn thing is a little tedious for me so I was pretty okay having a break from it.  I think toddler time is a lot more fun.

    ITA.

  • It was harder for me when he was little because he seemed so vulnerable.  I don't usually do drop off but DH says he just runs off to do a puzzle or see what his friends are up to.  I think I am also reassured by how much he seems to enjoy school.  He tells me all about his teachers and friends and talks about them on the weekend.
     
  • It's easier for me to leave my older than the younger. I feel like the older one needs more independence and freedom and exposure to an environment with many kids, toys, teachers while the younger one needs me more to feed him and provide security, safety, comfort, stability. I realize that they both need all the things I listed and they benefit from both being with me and being at DC but it's a bit harder for me to leave the baby that is usually attached to me when we are together either nursing or sleeping on me.
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  • When I first started back to work full time after taking some time off for school my son was around a year old. It was HARD. He wasn't a baby who didn't "get it" anymore. Once he figured out Mommy was gone all day he started flipping out when it was time for me to leave. He'd see me get my shoes on then rush to our sliding glass door and bang on it with tears running down his face. Every single morning this would happen. It was awful and one of the main reasons why I completely changed jobs. I recently started leaving DD at home as well now as she's been having issues when I'd take her to work (after 11 months of brining her with me). It's hard too but in a different way. I kind of miss her compainonship at work even though I know she does better at home now that she's older. With my son I felt *I* was doing the wrong thing in going to work every morning and it was hurting HIM so I was hurting too. With my daughter I know I'm doing the right thing in leaving her home but it hurts because I miss her.
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  • Some things are easier when they're younger, some things are harder and vice versa.  My 5 y/o is definitely more aware of the fact that I work now and asks me not to go to work, whereas he never did before.  He also understands that some moms don't work now. Indifferent

    I always said that I was putting my time in when they were little b/c they didn't notice as much so that I could take more time off when they were older and I'm glad I did.  I think they're more fun to be around now anyway and there is more to do with them.  I think they need me more now too, but in totally different ways than they did before.  They can do a lot for themselves, but I have to be there to do things I didn't need to before.

    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
  • I had a harder time leaving my toddler after my maternity leave for #2, because of how fun my toddler is right now. Sure, I want to be with my baby, but L is so fun to watch and play with. She has new developments and says new words every day. And she is much easier to please than my infant, too!

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