WWYD? Family divorce, child involved
EnglishMajor03
member
In the interest of full disclosure, this will be long and I am sort of looking for a way out of watching this LO.
Backstory: my male cousin (A) is incredibly hard to deal with. He actually has many of the characteristics found in a narcissistic personality disorder. He has an 18 month old son, who I watch on Mondays & Thursdays for a total of about 5 - 6 hours a week. Although A hasn't been able to keep a job for more than a few months for the past many years I watch the son because A's wife is in nursing school full time and A has been working. She's recently asked for a divorce and they are separated while the proceedings are under way. Things have gotten pretty ugly and they actually aren't even really speaking at this point. But, A is a good father who is living with his parents and they all fawn over him. The same with the soon-to-be ex. She is a good mom.
I found out from A's mom (my aunt) that he is out of work. Last Friday was his last day. On Monday I watched the LO all day because the wife doesn't want him over at A's for more than he needs to be and only on his arraigned days. But I feel, now that he isn't working I shouldn't have to watch him anymore; that he should be with A. I'm happy to help out, but, quite frankly, they're both so poor they don't pay me and if one of them is out of work that parent should be taking care of that child no? I'm really doing a huge favor for them.
Divorces are so messy and I'm just not sure "etiquette" on these types of things- like when it's the wife's day should A not see the LO just because it's the wife's day? I know they aren't getting along but isn't the best place for him with his parents?
FWIW the LO is a really good kid. He plays really well with my girls but it's just an aggravation for me. I really have a hard time watching him because it's stressful on me. She's done school in May and then she'll be working FT. She is aware that I am not interested in taking LO on at that point.
Anyway, any advice?
Re: WWYD? Family divorce, child involved
If A is out of work- he definitely needs to have his kid. Tell him that you will be happy to help out during interviewing and whatnot but since he is home and available- his kid is his responsibility. If mom doesn't like- tough tooties.
I think he should watch his own child but it is hard to look for another job when you are babysitting a child. So maybe offer to watch the child on days that he needs to go apply for jobs or on interviews.
You are correct that he should be watching his son while he is out of work. Definitely offer to watch him when he is interviewing, etc. But I am pretty sure that most custody agreements state that if one parent can't watch the child on one of their assigned days, the other parent gets first "dibs" on watching the child anyway. But it doesn't even sound like they have a formal agreement right now anyway. That baby should be with his parents when they are able.
You have really done a lot for them. You shouldn't feel bad for this.
This is a bit sensitive. I would say, if you can hold out until the mom finishes school in May, maybe she can put the LO in a daycare. I would have a sit down talk with both of them and make your feelings known. Don't assume that they know you are not interested in watching the LO much longer. Agree on an end date and that's it.
I watched my friends two boys for awhile (4 & 10mths) until I found out I was pregnant with our third child. I quickly told her that I did not want to watch her boys while I was pregnant, because I know how tired I get. And I want to be able to do more things with my two boys before the baby comes. She understood and we set an end date. They now go to daycare and are fine.