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would you say anything?

crazynervouscrazynervous
in Parenting

since oct or november  my sil has had 2 miscarriages.  We thought she was having a 3r but the doctor said it is most likely a chemical pregnancy so they don't really count it.  They want her to wait 2 months and then try again and see what happens. 

I realize I over react sometimes but seriously this wait and see idea seems ludicrous to me.  They keep telling her she doesn't need to see a specialist that it is all just a fluke. 

What do you all think?

I really want to just be very blunt with her and say this office is notorious for not referring patients with multiple miscarriages and she needs to see someone else,but I know she is very upset about the miscarriages and I don't want to upset her.  She also seems to really trust this doctor but.... should that really matter?

 

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Re: would you say anything?

  • DandelionMomDandelionMom
    If it was my SIL I would really carefully try to suggest another doctor, even just for a second opinion consult.  But keep in mind there may more going on than they want to share. 
    .
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I would not be blunt to her b/c she is probably going through hell right now.  But maybe you can find a specialist that you know people have used and liked and kindly suggest giving them a call and seeing if they think she should come in, that way it will not be you pushing hard.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • crazynervouscrazynervous

    I know she is hurting. I feel so bad for her, I really dont want to say or do anything that will make her feel worse. 

    After the second miscarriage I sent her a name a perinatologist my friend used after going to the same ob office as my SIL and they brushed off her 2-3 miscarriages. The specialist couldn't believe the ob hadn't referred my friend ( she went there on her own)  I Just feel like my SIL is being to trusting.

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  • jlw2505jlw2505 member
    I would not be blunt at all.  I am sure she is on a very emotional roller coaster right now.  I would try and be very supportive of her and what they are going through.  You can certainly suggest that maybe its time to see a specialist or to get a second and fresh opinion on what is going on/what has happened but you need to word it very carefully.  Say what you want to say and then drop it and just be there for her.  She needs to make the decision and for her, it might just be too scary to see someone else and give up whatever hope she has that all will be OK.  I can relate, both my my SIL's are having a very hard time getting pregnant but I can't say anything.  If they bring it up, than I listen but I would never bring it up just out of the blue.  Its not my place to do so. 
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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  • joseysbridejoseysbride member

    If you've already sent her the name of the doctor, I think you should stay out of it.  You have no idea how they are feeling about the whole situation.  Maybe they are wanting to take a break and give it some time.  Maybe there is more going on that they don't want to talk about. 

    If she wants your help and advice, she will ask you.

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  • peekaboo716peekaboo716 member
    imagejoseysbride:

    If you've already sent her the name of the doctor, I think you should stay out of it.  You have no idea how they are feeling about the whole situation.  Maybe they are wanting to take a break and give it some time.  Maybe there is more going on that they don't want to talk about. 

    If she wants your help and advice, she will ask you.

    This. My sister went through hell while TTC her kids. I told her about the clinic that I went to, and she didn't want to hear about it. The only thing I told her was that if she wasn't happy with the results she was getting from one doctor/clinic, that there were others out there. And that there are others out there so that everyone's specific needs are met. She finally decided to leave her clinic, but it was on her terms when she was ready.
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  • crazynervouscrazynervous
    I know you are all right.  I just wish I could make it all better for them :(
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  • joseysbridejoseysbride member

    imagecrazynervous:
    I know you are all right.  I just wish I could make it all better for them :(

    You have the best of intentions.  They're lucky you care for them so much.  It is just hard to know how someone is feeling in that situation because everyone handles it so differently.

    While I certainly cannot say we had problems ttc, I did have a m/c before my dd, and I still, to this day, have not really talked about it with any of my family or friends.  That's just not how I am.  But I have friends who have had m/c's and it seems to come up all the time.  That's just how they are.

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  • crazynervouscrazynervous
    Josey-  that is the frustrating part she does talk about it easily, even posts on FB about it but then doesn't take the advice, but I have no idea what they are going through so I won't push it.
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  • grjagrja

    FWIW, my SIL went through something similar. She had 2 or 3 miscarriages and chemical pg's in the span of a few months. The dr. told her to take a few months off to adjust and get back to normal. She said that going through that many miscarriages in a short amount of time wasn't healthy for anyone. And that after taking a few months off, if she had another one then they'd go to a specialist and run some tests.

    And, after taking 3 or 4 months off, she had a healthy pg.

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