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Need advice on an awkward funeral situation
I think I've handled this poorly and would appreciate advice on how to remedy it. I have a friend whose mother died this week. In all honesty, I do not consider her a close friend. She is a fair weather friend, a bit of a social climber, and I see her maybe a couple of times a year. I've known her for 10 years though, but for most of that time as a friend of my close friend. The thing is, she has very few genuine friends. She's really only reached out to me as a friend in the past couple of years and I think it's primarily a status thing for her -- to put it bluntly, I married a man with a good job and I am now having kids (as opposed to when I was single and was not even invited to her wedding or other get togethers). So her mother died suddenly earlier this week. The wake is today and the funeral is tomorrow. I am definitely going to the wake and am going to try my hardest to attend the funeral (in all likelihood, I will be there). I haven't yet called her at all and now I feel remiss for not doing so. Not because of my level of friendship with her, but because I know she has few friends. Does this make sense? I feel like a jerk even writing this, but I am wondering, what do you think I should do in this sort of awkward friendship we have? Should I call to offer my support this morning even though the wake is today? Should I call and offer to drop off a meal on Saturday? What are your thoughts? I feel like despite the fact that I don't consider her a close friend, it's an opportunity to be there in someone's time of need and I've screwed it up. What do you think?
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Re: Need advice on an awkward funeral situation
It might be nice to call her this morning to let her know you'll be there and ask her if there's anything you can do for her.
But she's probably been very busy and hasn't noticed that you haven't called. People tend to go on autopilot in these times, I wouldn't be too concerned with it. You're going today, that's what's important.
Agreed. She might not have many friends but maybe she's really close with her family and doesn't need to rely on friends so much? I know when my mom passed I was more than happy to remain at a distance from some of my friends. Grieving was incredibly personal to me. I asked my friends/co-workers not to attend the wake/funeral.