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March 2011 Moms
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just can't seem to let it go

vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
in March 2011 Moms

People say they wish their birth was different, well i wish my family had acted different on the day of dd's birth.  I had posted a couple weeks ago that when i was done with the c-section after a 16 hour long day some drama went on between my family and DH.  I heard both sides and i'm still confused as to why it happened.  as a result my parents didn't get to see DD that night or visit me (they wouldn't have been able to for 2 hours anyways)  they tried to come the next day but because DH was in the room my mom made some snide remarks and they walked out only seeing her for 2 minutes and then my mom called the next day saying that she wouldn't come to my house to help out like she had planned or come to the hospital the rest of the time we were there (4 days) or come to my house again or see DH again, but i could come over there whenever i wanted to.  It got me so down that i managed to call her and say that DH was working last saturday so they could come over and visit her if they wanted to.  Well they did but we left the carseat base in DH's car and my parents don't have one, so my mom was actually thinking of not seeing us until my dad said he would buy them a car seat.  so they picked us up and we visited at their house for a few hours and it was good.  but this week i still can't let it go.  my mom barely called this week, i called her today and found out she went to my grandmas tuesday and said she would have taken me but i didn't call so she assumed i was busy and that DH was still off work, i told her he only took monday off and he is working again this week.

My best friend has come over to help out and hang out with me.  DH's parents came over last sunday to do chores and DH and I ran errands during that time.  They are coming over tomorrow so DH and I can get out of the house and go out to dinner.  I just wish my parents were just as involved with wanting to be a part of all this stuff and it really upsets me when i think about it so i try not to.  Dh's parents were there everyday when we were at the hospital and my parents werent and now they are here at the house and my parents are not.  Its really upsetting and it gets to me.  I don't know if its hormones or if i would feel like this anyways without the hormones.  but i just can't seem to let it go and don't know how to.  

Thanks for reading.  any advice would be appreciated. 

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Re: just can't seem to let it go

  • Phil&CorinnaPhil&Corinna member

    I didn't see your original post, but I don't understand what could have made them so upset at your DH?!  I think that without the hormones, I'd feel the same as you in that situation. 

    Sorry I don't have any advice, I just hope things get settled with your parents and DH so you can avoid any more family tension and work past your hurt/anger at how things happened at the hospital and since.  Hang in there!!

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  • konyx2konyx2
    Wow, I didn't see the original post either but I can't imagine what must have gone down between them to lead to this. Have your parents always been at odds with your husband? Is it something that you can fix? What is your husband's view on the whole thing, and would he be willing to mend the relationship? I would hate to think of the people I love at odds, especially at a happy time like this.
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  • LynsiBHMLynsiBHM

    like the others, I don't know the whole story, but I can't believe they are doing this to you.  It must have been a pretty bad conversation with your hubby to make them act so selfishly!! This is such a special time for you and for your baby (and SHOULD be for the whole family!)... you'd think they would be able to put their differences aside or work it out for the sake of the baby- and at least be civil.  I'm really sorry you have to deal with all this!

    Hopefully over time they will work it out. Have you let them know how much it's hurting you??

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  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member

    here is the short recap for of that night as to what i heard from both sides:

    my parents:  apparently DH didn't let them know that i was getting a c/s and only let his side know and they didn't tell my side. so when DH came out in the waiting room he was acting like he had something my parents don't have: me and the baby. my grandma and his mom were going at it and i guess he called security and they escorted my side out.  I got the call the next morning that they didn't see baby because they were escorted out and my parents say he is trying to isolate me from them and now they don't want to get close to Noelle because when he isolates us they won't be hurt as bad.

    DH:  he came out in the room after noelle was born to tell everyone and he was "attaked" by my fam. they started yelling and accusing him instnantly.  he said he told my dad about the c/s before hand.  my grandma called his mom a whore and him a whore, said she was done with them and my mom said that also and they left, security did not escort them out, but DH called them cause he felt something bad could happen.

    my mom has a tendency to over-react and take things very personally.  before the induction DH called her to let her know that she has made "comments" about my weight gain that she was not aware of but it affected me pretty bad cause i was having low self esteem about all i gained.  he called to make her aware of it cause he saw how it affected me.  she didn't listen to him and accused him of stuff and in turn called me and i got to hear all about it and how he is manipulitive and will isolate me from my family. this was a few days before the induction and i just asked him not to talk to my parents that day because i was afraid of drama happening and it seems it did anyways.  

    DH is not abusive and not manipulitve at all, in fact he is the best partner i have had and i have been in an abusive relationship in the past.

    my mom thinks she is punishing DH by not helping me out, but i feel she is hurting me more than him.  and no i have not told her my feelings yet.  but i did call my counselor (a lady i see when i feel drama happens and i need another perspective) and hope to talk to her soon about it. 

     

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  • seastar77seastar77
    I saw the original post, and I thought then and now that your parents were insane and childish, and clearly now they are not overly interested in making amends or being involved. If it was me, I'd just say once that you are really saddened and disappointed that they are not more involved and haven't resolved things with DH, and then I'd leave the ball in their court and move on. But refusing to see the LO if DH is there, and then making you have to come to their house to hang out instead of staying and pitching in at your house when DH wasn't even home is ridiculous. How long are you going to let that go on? They can't avoid the baby's father all the time forever and if it was me, DH and my LO would come way before my parents, so I'd never agree to the separate visits in the first place.
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  • LynsiBHMLynsiBHM

    imageseastar77:
    I saw the original post, and I thought then and now that your parents were insane and childish, and clearly now they are not overly interested in making amends or being involved. If it was me, I'd just say once that you are really saddened and disappointed that they are not more involved and haven't resolved things with DH, and then I'd leave the ball in their court and move on. But refusing to see the LO if DH is there, and then making you have to come to their house to hang out instead of staying and pitching in at your house when DH wasn't even home is ridiculous. How long are you going to let that go on? They can't avoid the baby's father all the time forever and if it was me, DH and my LO would come way before my parents, so I'd never agree to the separate visits in the first place.

    I agree completely.  As much as it may hurt you, you have to live YOUR life. It is seriously upsetting if your own parents don't want to be a part of it, but you are a mom now- you have a baby, so your hubby isn't going anywhere. They need to get used to it.  I think you need to let them know how you feel (whether it be a conversation, a letter/email, however you can) Make sure you really get your feelings out in an honest way and leave it up to them.

    PS) I know it's not funny, but I laughed out loud when you said your grandmother was calling people whores. That's quite a visual.

    good luck!

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