DH's friend set a wedding date...
...and instead of getting married next May, like they originally planned, they just decided they will be getting married on October 15th of this year. This friend was DH's best man and has asked DH to be in the wedding, which is in West Lafayette.
Lima Bean is due on September 27th...and I'll be delivering in Denver, where we live.
See the problem I'm getting at?
DH isn't really sure what to tell him. We may not know until a week or two before if he'll be able to fly back to be in the wedding or not. I definitely won't be able to go, and I'd rather not have my husband leave for the weekend if I've just given birth. If I end up going two or three weeks early though, not really a problem. If I go a week or two week late - big problem.
Would you regretfully tell the friend that he just can't do it, or would you give him the option to keep him in the wedding even though DH may have to back out at the last minute?
Re: DH's friend set a wedding date...
Wow, that sucks
What has your husband said about it? Can you get a sense from him what he is leaning toward? It sounds like they are pretty close considering he was your husband's best man. Otherwise, I would say no way. In this case though, I might consider playing it by ear and giving him the option, especially if I could tell it was really important to my husband to be there. Maybe he could be an usher or play a role that isn't as crucial if having a groomsman back out last minute is a dealbreaker? But, I'd also consider the financial aspect - are you guys willing to either forfeit a plane ticket or pay a much higher price to get one at the last minute? Same for the tux, hotel, etc. So sorry you guys are in this position. 
I don't think I phrased the last part very well, now that I read back through it. My husband is wondering if it's better to tell his friend no, or to give his friend the option to kick him off the wedding party if he can't handle the uncertainty of it. I would rather that DH just say no and try to attend the wedding if possible, but it's really up to him. He's not going to leave me high and dry with a new baby if I need him there with me, and if I say the word he will stay home.
I never really thought about the expense of it. Good point, Whitney! I guess if he booked on Southwest he could get a credit for the flight if he has to cancel it. The lodging would be covered because his parents live in Lafayette. I guess all we would be out is the tux. I can't even remember when guys have to pay for those - is it when they measure or when you pick up? That wouldn't be so bad I guess.
Really I guess it's up to the groom if he wants to take the risk of being a groomsman short. DH is leaning this way - just leaving it up to him to cut him from the wedding or not, no hurt feelings.
What I am a little bit puzzled about is that DH would be one of only three groomsman, and one of those is a brother. I know it's their wedding date and that you can't really start trying to accomodate others' schedules, but if one of your three groomsman will be having his first child two weeks before, would you maybe try and at least explore another date a few weeks later if you want him to be there? It kinda makes me question how much he really cares if DH is in the wedding, since he knew our due date. But I know that's completely selfish of me...just makes me curious. You can't please everyone!
I had the same thought but of you're right, of course, that they can't schedule around everyone. Honestly, I bet it might not have even crossed your husband's friend's mind, being that he is a guy and all. And he probably didn't clue his wife-to-be into the situation either. At least, I know my husband wouldn't think about that, or would think it was "plenty" of buffer from your due date. Yeah, I say leave it up to the groom and just make sure he knows that it might be a longshot vs. a "shortshot"
Actually I never said this. Best man several years ago doesn't always equal best friend now. The relationship has been strained the last year or so for various reasons. But I agree that the decision is his. Not having family or friends in Denver and being left alone with a little bitty for the weekend isn't my preference, but of course I could do it if I have to. You can do anything if you have to do it. Guess we'll see what he picks depending on when the baby's born!
You pay a deposit when you get fitted ( I think it's like $20). We paid for the tuxes for the guys and the hair/makeup for the girls, but not everyone does.
I've seen plenty of weddings where the # of attendants wasn't even, so if he wants to do it and has to drop out at the last minute, it's not like it's the end of the world. I'd probably tell him no to being in the wedding, but he'll do his best to make it if he can--maybe priceline a ticket last minute.
Sorry, I misread...maybe assumed when you said he would be one of three groomsmen, including his brother.
I understand that best man several years ago doesn't equal best friend now...