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Attachment Parenting
schmoodle
member
Bedsharing Toddler + New Baby? (Long)
schmoodle
member
Has anyone dealt with this? I've posted here before but not for some time, but suffice it to say we are reluctant but longterm bedsharers. We have tried literally every recommendation from experts, this board and the like, from the gentlest to trying CIO, and literally nothing works to get my son to sleep in his own bed for any significant amount of time. He's now in a full size bed with rails which is working better than the crib, and even had a few long stretches over the last few months (and one time spent the entire night without coming to our bed - for the first time in about 15 months) but is regressing again right now - and no, he's not teething, isn't sick, and hasn't hit any recent milestones. He's just a booger. 
He also just learned to open his door so not only is he waking after 1-2 hours again versus the 4-5 we were sometimes getting, but rather than cry he just gets up and walks to our room and stands at the side of the bed waiting for me to pick him up.
So, I have no illusions of getting him in his own bed before #2 hopefully arrives this June. But I'm terrified of getting literally zero sleep once that happens, as our LO also is a restless sleeper and even now when he wakes he often tosses and turns and grabs at me, etc. for 2+ hours so I'm lucky to get 4-6 hours a night. Add a newborn and (hopefully) nursing every couple hours to that, and the likely odds of the toddler being woken either by the newborn's cries or by the fact that I have to remove my arm that he uses as a lovey in order to tend to said newborn, and I'm panicking daily.
Anyone have any other suggestions? Anyone had a toddler in their bed when another baby arrived and managed it? I realize I'm EXTREMELY lucky to have this "problem" after dealing with babyloss and infertility, but the logistical angle is stressing me out bigtime. The only solution I think may work (which I am not a fan of) is that DH will have to stay with the toddler in toddler's room. But I'd miss DH (and, frankly, the toddler) so much at night.
Thanks in advance.
*** It's funny because I'm fat ***
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bedsharing Toddler + New Baby? (Long)
I know this isn't ideal, and normally I'm the last person to suggest parents sleeping apart, but your husband sleeping with the Toodle was what came to mind before I even read your last paragraph.
Honestly I'm stuck... but hopefully Toodle will give you a nice surprise and decide to stay in bed on his own by June.
Maybe I don't have a heightened sense of smell, but I've never smelled any vagina on my pants. -- TSD
Bloggity Blog - You know you want to...
Macy ~ 10.23.09
i like this idea. i only have one but i have thought about this for next one.
Problem here is that we have a very high king bed and it's not bordered by a wall on either side. So LO could roll off (and I don't want bedrails on our bed and I'm sure DH would nix it) or even try to climb down on his own during the night which isn't safe. With him between us we provide a barrier.
My experience so far is that the toddler adjusts to being a more sound sleeper and learns to sleep through the newborn's night-time fussing. DS was such a light sleeper pre-DD that if I moved wrong at night he'd wake, but once we brought DD home, he adjusted really quickly. In that light, it's made things easier w/DS at night, and I don't think that adjustment was any tougher than it would have been with him sleeping across the hall from a fussing newborn. It would have been an adjustment either way.
One word of advice though...Make sure that #1 will let DH comfort him. That was a huge challenge for us. My DS didn't want DH to comfort him at night, so if I was gone tending to DD at night and he woke, we were all in trouble. We started working on that several months before my EDD though.
At this point, our biggest challenge is that they both have to go to bed at the same time, which usually isn't a problem, but at times, they stir each other up. We just try to make sure that DS is in the sidecarred crib on my side of the big bed and DD is in the middle between DH and I so that they can't see each other so easily. If one of them decides to fight going down, that's kind of rough, but again, that's probably not much worse than siblings sharing a room I suppose.
Let me know if you have any more questions. I'm happy to help however I can.
I'd rather have an ugly bed than be up all night.
It's not the appearance that bothers me! More the pain of us getting in/out of bed to go to the bathroom, get the baby, etc. (and DH gets out of bed earlier than DS or I do). I think DH would get fed up very quickly with it and I think the extra maneuvering and crawling to the foot of the bed to get out would potentially just disrupt the little guy even more. The bedrails on DS's bed now supposedly adjust but they are very loud and difficult to put down and doing so each time DH had to get out of bed would almost certainly wake DS.
What about a sleeping bag on the floor next to the bed for DS? (I have no idea where I read this, but it appealed to me.)
Can you put the mattress on the floor? (Says the girl who finally got a boxspring and frame at 6 months pregnant, and loves having a grown-up bed)
Sorry I don't have more suggestions!!
Fvck bedrails, they are a PITA. Move your bed to the floor. Seriously, best thing we ever did. We bought a King mattress from Ikea (nice latex one, most amazing mattress ever, suprisingly), & we all started sleeping better. Maybe get a king & put another twin next to it for your toddler? It would be like the huge family bed in Away We Go, but if you all get sleep, that's what's important.
ETA: Good to "see" you here, btw.
The bedrails might not be tall enough anyway if you have a tall king-sized bed. We tried that on our giant king, and the bed rail barely cleared the mattress and box spring.
Macy ~ 10.23.09
we've only been at it a week thus far, but our solution is for DH to comfort/sleep with DS most of the time. We all start the night in our proper places, but when DS wakes, DH goes to him. Last night I went twice because I missed him and he was calling for me specifically, but the jumping in and out of beds all night and nursing was too much and I was a zombie today. I have a feeling that DS will start to sleep more independently now, but time will tell.
We did start having DH be the night nurturer more during my last trimester, so it is not something that was changed when baby arrived.
Wow! It's been so long but I remember you from following your blog a long time ago! Congrats on your pregnancy!
We do this now. Bedshare with both toddler and newborn in also in the room in her hammock.Toddler starts out in her big girl bed (always has) and wakes up to come into our room at around midnight. Since the baby came she has been able to sleep through just about anything. I didn't want to change this with the new baby coming, because I didn't want her to feel replaced. So far its worked. Toddler sleeps in the middle and then baby in her hammock, or on my side if we fall asleep nursing in the morning!