Green eyed monster.

dedekins1001 · March 2011

So DH's best friends girlfriend who is 21 (we are 28) keeps calling and texting my husband. I know I don't have to worry about him, but I'm pregnant, feeling kind of bad about my body right now, and I have a lot of hormones floating around in here. And she is 21, come on here!! Any advice on subduing these crazy feelings? I have talked to DH about this and he thinks I am being over the top on the jealousy (part of me agrees with him) and he tried to assure me not to worry. But I still feel pretty down right now.

KendraJoette · March 2011

I dont think you are out of line, she doesnt need to call and text your husband... I would tell her that...you can blame it on the crazy hormones, but just tell her it makes you uncomfortable.

TheFannins729 · March 2011

why is she texting him?

princesspeach26 · March 2011

Even if you have nothing to worry about, that is strange for her to be texting your DH, were they friends before she starting dating his best friend? If not, I would tell her to back off.

Matt Dvorak · March 2011

It is a little odd...none of my DH's friends gfs call or text him unless there is some specific reason. Instead, usually I'm the one to keep in contact with the girls of a couple, and him more with the guys.

Scout05 · March 2011

TheFannins729:
why is she texting him?

Seriously. That's weird. He should probably ask her to stop.

Lindsaywillo · March 2011

Yeah, tell her to back off...what does she want!?!? Unless is she trying to plan a shower for you or something sneaky like that?? Maybe that's why your husband doesn't admit he thinks it's weird too.

CanaryIsland629 · March 2011

Lindsaywillo:
Yeah, tell her to back off...what does she want!?!? Unless is she trying to plan a shower for you or something sneaky like that?? Maybe that's why your husband doesn't admit he thinks it's weird too.

^^ agreed. Otherwise. hell to the na! no way. do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

HappyAardvark · March 2011

um, b!tch needs to back off! I think she's being over the line. Maybe you should start texting some random guys all the time and see how your dh feels about it, LOL

SwtPatato · March 2011

This would not fly with me unless they had a friendship prior to our relationship. You just don't text another woman's husband without bad intentions. There's just no reason to.

KAK ;-> · March 2011

I agree with the others and what could they possibly have to talk about that requires multiple texts/calls??.

I'd go so far as to be a litte ticked at your H for saying you're being over the top w/jealousy. If it's so innocent then he should have no problem w/putting distance between them, imho.

forensicmama · March 2011

Pregnant or not, that doesn't sound very appropriate or respectful on his part. I wouldn't like it either.

+diana82+ · March 2011

I'm not one to take issue with male/female friendships, but that would bother me. Especially since your DH knows it bothers you.

SeaMama · March 2011

She's totally out of line and so is he for allowing her behavior. You aren't the one who needs to figure anything out, your radar is going off for all the right reasons. He needs to respect your feelings. And what kind of a married 28 year old father to be carries on w/ his BFs 21 year old girlfriend? If I were you I'd worry a little - your husband may be having those feelings that a lot of men have about the seriousness of a family. You need to talk to him and he needs to respect what you are saying. If he argues w/ you he's either an idiot or hiding something or he knows what he's doing is out of bounds.

ally2011 · March 2011

I would tell her that it is really not appopriate to be calling and/or texting married men, friends or not. You can say it nicely and give her the benefit of the doubt that at 21 she does not fully understand the seriousness of a marriage commitment and how VASTLY different it is from a dating one.

I have a pretty hard line on this, and so does my husband. No one starts at full blown affair, there are lots and lots of choices and innocent acts before that happens - and those are the ones that you just don't engage in to prevent ending up at a full blown affair. I am not saying that is where this is headed by any stretch, but I just think it is important to have agreed upon boundaries in your marriage from the start that you both honor. Since it sounds like you aren't on the same page about this, you need to start there. Short of continuing to invest in each other (date, talk about non-kid things, etc) despite raising family, there may be nothing more important that you can do than protect and honor your marriage in this way.

ally2011 · March 2011

And I do think it is best for you to tell her so she can't pull any "behind the back female moon eye manipulation" on him

You two need to be on the same page first, then you speak with her about it once you are sure he will back you up if she comes to him about it. He just needs to say "I agree with what she told you and hope you can respect that so things are not awkward. I don't want to discuss it further." End of conversation.

soon2Bkranz · March 2011

I would jokingly tell her to stop...And not jokingly tell my husband that I wanted it to stop.

Pearly609 · March 2011

I agree, this is not appropriate. She has a bf, text him. I'd tell her in a way that lets her know it seems weird and I'd make her feel as uncomfortable as she's made me with the way I'd word it. It could be harmless, but needs to stop.

Marettie · March 2011

What in the hell does she want?! There is no reason I would have to text any of my friend's dh's...that's so weird!

fraglette · March 2011

What does BF think about the fact his girlfriend keeps texting your husband? And why is he dating a 21 year old?

megd06 · March 2011

as someone who's mom just got caught in a 2 year affair a few months ago that started partly from a texting "friendship" (with a man who was also married) I do NOT think you are out of line. Educate your husband, and put that biatch in her place.

MFAinNYC · March 2011

I think she's being inappropriate, and I think your DH needs to put a stop to it. Sure, you can say something to her, but I think the message really needs to come from him. Otherwise, she's going to assume he's okay with it and continue to behave however she pleases. What does her boyfriend think?

bunnybiter · March 2011

You can use the pregnancy hormone excuse to your advantage as well. Weather you were okay with this before or will be after, it doesn't matter because right now you are not. And let him know that. Tell him what you need him to do, instead of saying you're feeling jealous or quietly keeping to yourself point out that at this time you would feel better if he didn't text or talk with her so much. The key is making note that it's for the time being, it's not forever, and it's not a command, that way he'll feel as if he's making the choice to make you happy. You can say, "Yes, I know I'm hormonal. Yes, I know it doesn't make sense. But right now this is what I need you to do so I can feel better about myself while I'm hormonal and not making sense."

jupiterthecat · March 2011

I'm going to be the lone voice of dissent. As long as you trust your husband, I don't see a problem. Men and women can be friends (which includes a certain amount of communication) without sleeping with each other. Friends shouldn't have to be grandfathered in from before the relationship-- married people should be able to form opposite sex friendships past their wedding dates. It's just phone calls and texts. If she's explicitly flirting, then I'd get annoyed, but otherwise don't drive yourself crazy by making too much of it.

sunnydaisy · March 2011

How does yh's friend feel about this? Does he know his gf is contacting yh so much? If he doesn't know, and they're both hiding this phone relationship, then that would be a big red flag that both yh and the gf know it's inappropriate. If he knows and doesn't mind, then maybe you can learn to get more comfortable with it. Maybe you should bring it up when all four of you are together to get an idea of where everyone in the situation stands.

Personally, I think it's suspicious. If this were happening with my h, innocent or not, he would respect my feelings about it (no matter how irrational he thought they were) and talk to the girl about toning it down.

sunandsurfmama · March 2011

Exactly WHY is DH's BF's GF even texting him???

I don't think you are out of line at all. Neither DH or myself has the time at the end of the day to be texting a friend's SO. Too much baby stuff to do!

It has little to do with you and more to do with why he is even engaging in her texts.

jsong · March 2011

MFAinNYC:
I think she's being inappropriate, and I think your DH needs to put a stop to it. Sure, you can say something to her, but I think the message really needs to come from him. Otherwise, she's going to assume he's okay with it and continue to behave however she pleases. What does her boyfriend think?

I agree with this. Your husband needs to tell her this is making HIM uncomfortable and does not feel it's appropriate for the marriage.

Skibunny07 · March 2011

jupiterthecat:
I'm going to be the lone voice of dissent. As long as you trust your husband, I don't see a problem. Men and women can be friends (which includes a certain amount of communication) without sleeping with each other. Friends shouldn't have to be grandfathered in from before the relationship-- married people should be able to form opposite sex friendships past their wedding dates. It's just phone calls and texts. If she's explicitly flirting, then I'd get annoyed, but otherwise don't drive yourself crazy by making too much of it.

I agree with this. I guess I"m really trusting of my DH but he has a couple of friends that are girls that he texts with and emails with and I would never even think twice about it. Granted we don't really have a lot of outside friends (meaning we have basically the same group of friends and very rarely go out without each other). I think if you trust your DH then this shouldn't matter. I would maybe try to find out what they are talking about but I this wouldn't really bother me. I text a lot of DH's friends now and then because they are my friends too.

morsey2011 · March 2011

Tell your husband to put a stop to it. And I'd also have a talk with this girl. From past experience, stand up to this girl before it gets out of hand. I'm not saying it will, but.... This really angers me because I've known too many people's marriages be nearly ruined by something that started out as something as innocent as texting.

megd06 · March 2011

jupiterthecat:
I'm going to be the lone voice of dissent. As long as you trust your husband, I don't see a problem. Men and women can be friends (which includes a certain amount of communication) without sleeping with each other. Friends shouldn't have to be grandfathered in from before the relationship-- married people should be able to form opposite sex friendships past their wedding dates. It's just phone calls and texts. If she's explicitly flirting, then I'd get annoyed, but otherwise don't drive yourself crazy by making too much of it.

Yeah, my dad had the same attitude about it as you...see me earlier comment. It didn't end well.

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