WAHHH.. (vent & long)

DKC1308 · March 2011

My d&c was a few weeks ago and before I went in for surgery the hospital staff discuss a common burial that they hold for all pregnancy losses 20w and under. I told them I would like an invitation to the event and had planned on discussing going with DH once the time was closer.

Well, we just got our invitation in the mail and I would really like to go. I know we were only 9w when we mced but I feel like it would be a huge help in the healing process for me. DH feels really awkward going but says he will go if I feel it is something I need to do for me. I was talking to my MIL about it, saying I wanted to go but DH seemed not into it, she acted like it was the strangest thing she has ever heard of. The look on her face was clearly "Eww.. weird". Just didn't respond the way I thought she would. =(

I know it has been nearly 5w since we found out we were mc but some of the pain is still very fresh. I still feel very sensitive to certain things. Like MIL sending me a text that says she has her 7mo nephew asleep on her chest.... Or finding out that DH's best friend and his gf are now 6w pregnant.

It's like to everyone else... losing my baby was so last week and why am I still up set about it. TIA for all the love

MissAutumn · March 2011

I'm sorry for your loss. I would suggest going to the event if you feel it would help you and tell your DH you know he feels weird about it but that you would love the support. I'm sorry it feels like people are being insensitive to your loss, I'm sure they dont know it and unless it has happened to them, dont know how you feel.

It will take you time to heal, day by day. HUGS Right Hug

1220winterbride · March 2011

i agree w. Miss A and would like to add that people are stupid, even DHs sometimes. I think if she never had a mc it might seem off to her but who cares, just keep it private and go with DH. hugs

lauralew · March 2011

I remember you talking about this service around the time of your D&C. I think it is an awesome idea. I wish I was able to do something like that. People seem unable to accept how this baby was (IS!!) very real to us. We worry and wonder about who our babies would become and mourn the loss of a future with the baby.

Please go. You deserve whatever will help you in your healing process. I would love to hear about the service after you attend.

lauralew · March 2011

DKC1308:
I know it has been nearly 5w since we found out we were mc but some of the pain is still very fresh. I still feel very sensitive to certain things. Like MIL sending me a text that says she has her 7mo nephew asleep on her chest.... Or finding out that DH's best friend and his gf are now 6w pregnant.
It's like to everyone else... losing my baby was so last week and why am I still up set about it. TIA for all the love

I want to add I feel this way a lot, too. My second nephew was born a month after my D&C. I absolutely LOVE him... but seeing my mom, dad, and grandmother holding, snuggling, ooohing and aaaahing over him just breaks my heart. Just know it's okay to cry, to be upset about it, to be hurt. Just because other people ignore how you feel doesn't mean you have to.

1220winterbride · March 2011

lauralew:

I remember you talking about this service around the time of your D&C. I think it is an awesome idea. I wish I was able to do something like that. People seem unable to accept how this baby was (IS!!) very real to us. We worry and wonder about who our babies would become and mourn the loss of a future with the baby.

Please go. You deserve whatever will help you in your healing process. I would love to hear about the service after you attend.

me, too.

hopefulmom81 · March 2011

DKC1308:
Well, we just got our invitation in the mail and I would really like to go. I know we were only 9w when we mced but I feel like it would be a huge help in the healing process for me. DH feels really awkward going but says he will go if I feel it is something I need to do for me. I was talking to my MIL about it, saying I wanted to go but DH seemed not into it, she acted like it was the strangest thing she has ever heard of. The look on her face was clearly "Eww.. weird". Just didn't respond the way I thought she would. =(
I know it has been nearly 5w since we found out we were mc but some of the pain is still very fresh. I still feel very sensitive to certain things. Like MIL sending me a text that says she has her 7mo nephew asleep on her chest.... Or finding out that DH's best friend and his gf are now 6w pregnant.
It's like to everyone else... losing my baby was so last week and why am I still up set about it. TIA for all the love

I am so sorry for your loss.

I just wanted to point out that I also had a loss at 9 weeks and I hope I am not being too bold in saying PLEASE don't feel that you were "only 9 weeks". No matter how far along you were, it is still the loss of happiness and hope and you DESERVE to grieve and feel sad.

I am also about 5 weeks out (we are on the exact same timeline it looks like) and I also feel I am doing worse instead of better. So, don't feel bad about the amount of time since the m/c. It hurts like hell and your feelings matter.

I do not mean to be too bold, but I am just scared that maybe some of the reactions you are receiving are making you feel badly about your feelings. You deserve to feel sad, angry, happy, frustrated, cheated, robbed and whatever else you are feeling. Please stay connected to these boards, if there is one thing my loss has taught me, is that these women are the only ones who seem to get it.

PM me if you want to vent.

((HUGE HUGS))

LaTi07 · March 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think a lot of us have run into similar reactions when talking with loved ones about our greif. I actually wrote a poem about it on my blog because I'm just so angry with how everyone is acting like "you were only 7w it's no big deal." Like h*ll it wasn't. Losing my child has been the hardest thing I've ever been through.

I would recommend telling your DH that this is something that YOU need. I understand that he may find it weird, but he should at least be willing to offer you the support that you need to move on. I wish I had something like that to go to and I would go in a total heartbeat. Please update with how the service went!

somnybooks · March 2011

I think that if something like that were offered to me, I would definitely consider going. The only thing that might stop me is questioning whether or not I could handle it emotionally. If you want to go, talk to your DH and explain how important it is to you and how it could give you some closure. Forget everybody else's opinions. This is about you. ((hugs))

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