has anyone else read The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother?

EmmieB · March 2011

I just finished it and I want to chat about it, but I really only want to with people who have actually read the book. Just telling people I was reading it has gotten me enough "well, based on the article/what I've heard..." to last me a lifetime.

Anyone?

kittylove · March 2011

Can I ask what you thought about it? I am thinking about reading it.

EmmieB · March 2011

I really liked it. I had read the WSJ article and the response in Time and then stopped reading the press because I wanted to read the book.

While I didn't always agree with her approaches, it was engaging and honest and has made me seriously think about what kind of adult I want Baz to be and how we're going to get there.

It's the total opposite of what I usually read (and what usually speaks to me) and I will recommend it wholeheartedly.

I'm still digesting and when I'm finished I'll write a review about it.

sunshyne28 · March 2011

I read it!

I went through a roller coaster of emotions. I do agree with some of the things she says but ultimately, the book made me uncomfortable because I do believe there is a balance that we can achieve without going through such hell. The book/her tactics are very, very polarizing (to me anyway) and the way she presented them were at times, judgemental to the way I personally parent which I didn't appreciate of course. But I do appreciate how honest she was. I know a lot reviews/articles totally slammed her...but I can't be angry at her for being honest.

With that said, the book has inspired me to really think about the way my husband and I parent our children...as well as how my own parents parented me...same for my husband and we were able to have a discussion about that. Since this book was able to do that for me, I would definitely recommend this book to everyone in the hopes that they would be inspired to have that same conversation.

EmmieB · March 2011

sunshyne28:
I read it!
I went through a roller coaster of emotions. I do agree with some of the things she says but ultimately, the book made me uncomfortable because I do believe there is a balance that we can achieve without going through such hell. The book/her tactics are very, very polarizing (to me anyway) and the way she presented them were at times, judgemental to the way I personally parent which I didn't appreciate of course. But I do appreciate how honest she was. I know a lot reviews/articles totally slammed her...but I can't be angry at her for being honest.
With that said, the book has inspired me to really think about the way my husband and I parent our children...as well as how my own parents parented me...same for my husband and we were able to have a discussion about that. Since this book was able to do that for me, I would definitely recommend this book to everyone in the hopes that they would be inspired to have that same conversation.

I saw the judgment, but a lot of times I thought she was being hyperbolic about it (both in how great her own children were and how awful "western" kids are.) The humor didn't always come across like she probably hoped it would.

I kept reminding myself that she was parenting the way she had been parented - which is what most of us do - and that she ultimately saw the error of her ways...granted it was awful, but I remember having outbursts like that myself at 13...and my parents were SUPER laid back. So I had that coloring it.

I agree- I've thought a lot about how we plan to parent Baz and how we were parented. I don't think I'm going to be as laid back as I planned because she made the very good point: kids, when left to their own devices, will be more likely to spend 10 hours on FB than practicing or doing homework. That does not help "train" a work ethic, which not everyone comes by naturally.

sunshyne28 · March 2011

EmmieB:

I agree- I've thought a lot about how we plan to parent Baz and how we were parented. I don't think I'm going to be as laid back as I planned because she made the very good point: kids, when left to their own devices, will be more likely to spend 10 hours on FB than practicing or doing homework. That does not help "train" a work ethic, which not everyone comes by naturally.

I think the book has inspired me the same way as you. I've come to realize that I was raised by a tiger mom (although not as extreme as Amy!) so it is really hard for me to find a balance because I don't know what is too little...I only know what is too much. So I tend to be a little bit more easy on the kids (than how my mom was with me). Recently though, I am more inspired to push a little bit more.

sunshyne28 · March 2011

PS...found your book blog! Loving it! I'll be following for sure.

KellyMRocks · March 2011

I haven't read the book, but I wanted to say that I was raised by a very laid back mom. So laid back that I hardly went to high school, never did homework, never had curfew, etc. I know I dont want to be that kind of parent and want to instill a good work ethic in my children...but it is hard because I am not modeling that work ethic and have kind of teach it to myself as I go.

When I reflect on my upbringing I am actually kind of bitter about the lack of direction/involvement/parenting that I had.

On the flip side, I've also seen the emotional toll that being pushed too hard can have. Case in point being the "kids" my sister used to nanny or. Their best was never good enough, downtime was considered silly or unimportant. Yes, they both got into Ivy League schools, but I think their relationship with their mother was badly damaged. When an A- paper is met with, "why did't you get a A?", it does damage.

I really would like to find a happy medium, but then...don't we all?

EmmieB · March 2011

sunshyne28:
PS...found your book blog! Loving it! I'll be following for sure.

Thanks!

EmmieB · March 2011

KellyMRocks:
I haven't read the book, but I wanted to say that I was raised by a very laid back mom. So laid back that I hardly went to high school, never did homework, never had curfew, etc. I know I dont want to be that kind of parent and want to instill a good work ethic in my children...but it is hard because I am not modeling that work ethic and have kind of teach it to myself as I go.
When I reflect on my upbringing I am actually kind of bitter about the lack of direction/involvement/parenting that I had.
On the flip side, I've also seen the emotional toll that being pushed too hard can have. Case in point being the "kids" my sister used to nanny or. Their best was never good enough, downtime was considered silly or unimportant. Yes, they both got into Ivy League schools, but I think their relationship with their mother was badly damaged. When an A- paper is met with, "why did't you get a A?", it does damage.
I really would like to find a happy medium, but then...don't we all?

Your mom and my dad. It's a wonder I made it through high school and not at all surprising that college took me 6 years (although I'm the first in my family NOT to have a graduate degree....even my great grandmother got her masters in education in 1926.)

I think what we've decided is that Sebastian will have actual piano lessons starting at age 3 or 4 (we have an 88 key synth and it's hard to keep him off of it and Mommy would rather listen to scales than random banging) and he'll be in some form of formal music lessons for at least 6 or 7 seven years. Because - like she points out in an interview - nothing is fun until your good at it and if you don't put in the time, you'll never become good at it.

My sister and I were talking last night about the things we're interested in learning now that we didn't even know was an option when we were kids and how the hardest part won't be figuring out how strict or not strict to be, because when you put your child's happiness first, and you watch yourself for things like being too lax or too punishing, the rest follows....the hardest part will be exposing your kids to the most options so that they can truly find what they're good at. In our cases, my sister is learning circus skills (poi, hoola hoop, slackline/tight rope, trapeze, aerial yoga) and she would have as a kid but "running away to the circus" was something kids only did in books and I would have gone into politics or anthropology, but didn't even know there was something between archeology and sociology.

What uptown problems those are, and how lucky we are that we have them.

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