Advise on what to tell boss & coworkers about IVF???

Toni79 · March 2011

I'm starting my first IVF, been on BC for almost a week.

I've told very few people that we are even TTC. Only very close friends and our parents. Our siblings don't even know.

Over the next month or so I'll be taking off a fair nuber of days or half days. Most of my monitoring can be done before work, but these are the things I'll likely have to take time off for:

Injection class (take of a few hours)
Mock embryo transfer (take off a few hours)
Egg Retreival (1-2 days off depending on how I feel)
Embryo Transfer (1 day off)

Not to mention if it takes more than 1 cycle of IVF. I could very well need some days off over the next couple of months.

I'm not sure if I should tell my boss anything? I work with mostly men. Here are my options:

Not tell them anything and just call out sick those days that I need to. This is what I did with my IUIs. But I only took off full days on the day of the IUI. So it was only 1 day a month. Depending on when I have my ER and when I have my ET, I may end up taking off 2-3 days in one week, not necessarily back to back. Might be weird to say "oh i was sick Mon and Tues, and was fine but then got sick again on Fri"???
Just tell them that I am dealing with a non live threating medical issue. And that I'll need to take off some time. And when I know when, I'll let them know. And that it might take a month for my dr to get it resolved or it might take a few months.
Tell them I'm doing IVF and when I know when I need time off I'll let them know.

Just curious how other have handled this work situation??? I'm open for suggestions.

LUVNE · March 2011

I just told my boss and the woman who takes care of the schedule. I am not hiding anything - its easier that way. They are both women, though, so that might be making it easier for me. GL in whatever you decide.

naybird · March 2011

I just told my boss that I was having a medical procedure, and by law he could not ask for details. So I would just request time off for "testing" or Dr appts. and I take a week off after the transfer, so I say it is recovery from my procedure. I basically leave it at that. My HR manager knows what is going on, and she is much more understanding and sympathetic. When I tried to talk to my boss.. he compared me to his sick cat... so I didn't even bother and left it vague! My boss is a very odd little man.

So really, you should do what will make you most comfortable. You can share as much as you like, or keep as much to yourself as you want.

Good luck!!!!

NiddyDiddy · March 2011

I had a pretty understanding (male) boss in my previous job - he was very open with me about some issues he had in his life, which made me feel more comfortable giving him a (brief) explanation of why I needed some time off - for my IUI's.

I'm in a new job with a new boss now, and going through IVF. Although I think I could talk to my new (female) boss, I am so new to this position that I am unsure how to throw it out there. I called out sick today for my ER (told them it was an unexpected medical procedure I had to take off for); and depending on when ET is, I'll probably plant the seed of needing a 'followup' with the doc. But thinking of it now, I kind of wish I had mentioned it to her; I think she'd be understanding.

Long winded, but I guess my point is: feel out the boss, and your relationship. If you think they'll get it, or at least be sympathetic, I'd be somewhat forthcoming. If you don't think they would really understand or appreciate what a priority it is in your life, I guess I'd probably withhold a lot of info.

Whatever you decide, good luck to you!!

MLK0526 · March 2011

I have a female boss, above her a male boss... I was honest, esp with having to take so many days off every cycle. This way they are aware and they can never hold it against me or have an HR issue. Its a medical reason, they have to be flexible... also learned she went through the same thing...

GOOD LUCK !

softbalangel · March 2011

When the time comes, I will probably tell my boss. At first I had planned to just play if off as having some medical tests done, but since learning that my boss and his wife have previously underwent IVF I now plan to let him know.

Trish11278 · March 2011

I have been very upfront with my boss about IVF when we were looking at that and now with IUI I have informed her of as well. With being a teacher, I felt that I needed to tell my principal so that I could work something out with leaving early or taking half days. I didn't want her to think that I was just slacking on my job and didn't care about it. She has been great with this whole process and it has kept me from using up my sick time. Good luck in what ever you decide!

Blueyezz0530 · March 2011

I told my boss, he is a male. With all the appointments that you will be having and time off you have to take I thought it was important and nessary to tell them

theworms · March 2011

Toni79:
Just tell them that I am dealing with a non live threatening medical issue. And that I'll need to take off some time. And when I know when, I'll let them know.

i did this and didn't give a timeframe

KaliChick · March 2011

As a boss, I'd rather know upfront. I've told my staff as I own a fairly small company and will rely on them to cover some time.

However, it would really depend on my boss ... not much help, I know.

BeeBee08 · March 2011

I told my male boss my husband and I are having difficulty starting a family and have been, and will be required to, make several medical appointments. I felt like the "sneaking around" for so many appointments each month was just adding to the stress. I was so surprised by his understanding, it was a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Good Luck!

pennylanehd · March 2011

KaliChick:

However, it would really depend on my boss ... not much help, I know.

This is exactly how I feel...so far, I've avoided telling anyone about IUIs, testing, etc. but have been alluding to potentially having "surgery" later in the year. I'm still on the fence about whether my totally non-approachable, childless, never-married older male boss would surprise me and be understanding or not. I would love to know what you decide, and loads of luck with the IVF cycle!

MAbride0808 · March 2011

I have been fairly open with my boss. Being a teacher, I need coverage often, so I felt like I needed to tell the people who were covering for me often the truth.

However, it is definitely a personal decision. I know a woman at work that went through IVF. I know, but no one else does. She just tells the principal that she has medical appointments.

apaige25 · March 2011

I was up front with my boss. He was very understanding. I just make my time up throughout the week instead of taking time off.

jenriley · March 2011

I struggled with this for a long time! I am a dental hygienist so its a small group. Basically the whole office knows because of my schedule( patients being scheduled so far in advance) we have had to do a lot of juggling with things.Everyone is really supportive and thats wonderful but its exhausting when everyone knows your business. Sigh...I think if possible go with option two at least at first. Good luck!!

Sunnyface5 · March 2011

I've told the people i work with, i had to take 7 weeks off for surgery. Plus one coworker pressured me to cover something for him when i was scheduled for an iui and i had to tell him, hey it's a fertility procedure i can't reschedule it, sorry (so annoying lol). I think it just really depends on how comfortable you are. If you are not you only have to tell them medical issues, they really aren't supposed to ask details. If they start hounding you i would just tell them. Then they would probably feel stupid for pressuring you, lol

good luck! we are starting up our iuis again this cycle!

Suzi95 · March 2011

I find I'm more comfortable with some male bosses than female bosses. I think it depends on how comfortable you are. I don't think you need to provide details but I do think it would just be easier to just let them know rather than call in sick. I I really like my boss and he's very understanding. He knows that we are trying to have a baby and have had problems and these problems require medical attention. I have not said any specific terms like IUI, etc. Just that I'm going to need time out for medical appointments related to our "trying to have a baby."

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