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3rd Trimester
WHY do people make the "delivery" about THEM!?
Seriously, my mother is about to get shot. I am not that close to her, and she lives in Utah with my step father now. She keeps mentioning to me that she hopes the baby waits for her to get here until he comes, because she is going to be my labor coach. Did not ask me what I wanted, just assumed she was my labor coach. I corrected her, telling her that I have a certain plan and it does not involve her being in the room (I attempted to say this very nicely), and she totally flipped. She does not get along with my father as they had a horrific divorce 19 years ago, and she managed to not only make my wedding day about her and her feelings, she also made the birth of my first son about her and her feelings. I am sorry, but enough it enough and I really could care less if she is even near the hospital when I go into labor! It's not like she is even close to me or anything, we barely speak.This is NOT about her. It is about me, this baby, my husband, and my son. Why must everyone make things about them?! I have a kind heart and I feel guilty for saying no, but I have no other way of making it clear. Maybe I just won't call anyone when we go into labor.
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Re: WHY do people make the "delivery" about THEM!?
I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. MIL is extremely selfish and has no clue that she comes off that way. Everything is just all about her allll the time. She was insulted when I told her that with this baby I will be the first (besides Daddy) to hold him. Instead of "well, he's your baby and you should be the first to hold him especially if that's important to you" or something like that (which my mom said) she said "what about the rest of us? are we going to have to wait all day to hold him or what?!" and was upset.
Some people do not have any clue how much they make things about themselves. I also feel guilty saying no, but i'm learning and i'm also learning that she gets over it and moves on to the next thing pretty quickly...there's always something with her.
Hope you have a great delivery. Don't call her if you don't want her there..that'll solve the problem for everyone and she can deal with it. :P
This sounds just like my MIL. I don't think we'll be calling her 'til after baby is born (that's the plan, anyway). I don't really want anyone lurking around my room or just outside while I'm giving birth and right after. I feel strongly that this is the time for OUR family (DH, me and LO). I know this isn't how it is for everyone and that's fine. But OP, I think you're totally entitled to this time for your little family as well. I would tell your Mom that you'll call her once LO is here and you guys are settled.
She lives far away from you. Do not call her until LO is born. Period. She's almost across the country from you anyway.
I would not call her till after the baby is born. I too hate when people are intrusive or try to force themselves or their opinions on a person. drives me crazy. I do not mind people being at the hospital after the baby is born but let me and my dh experience this as a family. If I want someone there I will ASK them.
good luck and like others said do not stress one more second over this.
What a shame!
I've been getting a lot of this too. My S&BIL are going out of the country three days after my due date and are making it a point to "jokingly" tell me every chance they get that I need to start inducing labor so that LO is born while they're still in town. Today my other SIL made a similar comment, apparently she'll be out of town at the end of April so I "better have that baby" before she leaves. Umm, no, I think not. I love them and everything, but seriously, we're not even blood relations. I couldn't care less if they dont get to meet this baby the second he's born or two weeks later. He'll come when he wants to come, not a minute sooner. And, BTW, they've known about my due date for at least 8 months, if it's so flippin' important to them that they be here for the birth then they should have cleared their calendars.
Of course, I cant SAY any of this to them. I have to smile and nod and say "I'll see what I can do" so that I dont come off as some hormonal witch. Meanwhile, I just fantasize about holding out for as long as possible so they all miss it, just to spite them... Makes the smile that much more genuine!
From someone with a mother like this... i can say that this is the worst advice ever.
Confront it and let her know what is and is not tolerated or it will never stop. Fibbing, lying or tying to placate her is just enabling the behavior.
I've already told my mother she's waiting in the waiting room. She started to tear up, but at this point knows that when I make a decision it's final.
We already had the conversation that she's being selfish and this baby is not about her. It took her a few days and a couple of crying fits to get over it, but she seems to have pulled herself together.
I get the occasional snide remark now about "please don't take my grandma rights away", but she knows I'm not tolerating the B.S. anymore.