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Baby Names
bluerevolution9
member
pressure to use a family name?
bluerevolution9
member
in Baby Names
Im wondering if anyone else is under family pressure to use a certain name? My in-laws aren't outwardly saying anything, but there is a sort of implied expectation that if we have a boy (we don't know the baby's gender) we will name him (either first of middle name) after my husband's brother who passed away. only.... his brother died as a child, and honestly, it kind of freaks me out to name my baby after a child who died a tragic death. am I wrong here? Should I be expected to honor his brother, or are they wrong to assume that we have to?
I was just wondering if anyone else has been through this.
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Re: pressure to use a family name?
Why do you say there is an implied expectation? This idea comes from somewhere- where?
What does your DH say? Does he feel they expect it? Does he want to do it?
ETA: No matter what, you all need to pick a name that the two of you agree upon. There was pressure from my IL's to use a family name too. They actualyl didn't care what name - but just a family name. FIL asked me about my grandfather. I wasn't close to my grandfather. He died when I was young. I feel no connection to him nor do I feel I need to "honor" him - I didn't know the man!
Honoring someone needs to be something you and DH really feel you want to do - not because someone expects you to do it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
You're not wrong. DH's grandmother wanted us to name our baby Cara Marie, after his sister and mother, respectively, both deceased. We have already decided on Marie as a middle name but I told her that no way was I using both names. It would just be creepy.
They are wrong to assume that you have to. What does your DH want?
Your child, your choice what you name him. What does your hubby thing? I'd be more inclined to go along with it if it was what HE wanted and not if it was just what my ILs want.
I could see using part of his name, maybe his FN as the LO's MN. My Mom had an aunt die as an infant (was "unknown" crib death, but likely of SIDs) and Mom's MN was after her MN. Baby was Mary Ellen, my Mom got the MN Ellen, and I'm using the MN for my LO MN since I lost my Mom in 2007. I don't think its too morbid. I think it's more morbid when people have a child die, then have another and name that child after their dead child.
DD1, Kathleen 9/15/2007
I agree with what other poster's said.
If it is important to your husband, I would find a way to incorporate the name, probably as a middle name. If it's just your in-laws, though, then that's not really a good reason to use the name.
Personally, though, I wouldn't be inclined to use it. I think that naming a child after a sibling who died young is a lot different dynamic than naming a child after a grandparent. For some, it may be comforting, but to others, it does seem a bit morbid. Both reactions are reasonable, by the way, but if you are in the "it's morbid" camp, then using the name doesn't make a lot of sense.
Also, I think that it would be a little awkward to call a child by a deceased sibling's name. If my sister died young, I would have a hard time naming a child her name, because I think I would always pretty exclusively associate the name with my sister, since I knew her on a first-name basis. I think this is a little different, again, than naming after a grandparent. Normally, with grandparents or whatever, we may use their first names to honor them, but to us, they are "grandma" or "grandpa." The slightly different association makes the name a bit more comfortable to use.
And remember, though it can be an honor to use a name, it is in no way a dishonor to not use a name.