D.C. Area Babies
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Magic 1-2-3 vs. Supernanny Time-Out
Per the recommendations of this board, I've been reading Magic 1-2-3. They recommend that after you put the child in time-out, you take them out and don't re-hash why they were in time out and resume normalcy. In Supernanny's version of time out, she says that you go to the child, ask them to apologize to you for what they did, and that you give them a hug and a kiss. (I'm paraphrasing the concepts but hopefully my understanding is correct).
Which option do you do? I seem to like Supernanny's approach a bit better. I understand that you don't want to re-hash what they did but I think apologizing and giving hugs and kisses is a good practice. Just curious as to what you all do. We haven't started time-outs yet but I plan to soon.
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Re: Magic 1-2-3 vs. Supernanny Time-Out
This is us. I admit I have not read 1-2-3 Magic, so I can't compare, but the time out approach from Supernanny works pretty well for us and I like the idea of checking in with DD to make sure she understands why she was in time out.
I don't like the idea of making a child apologize, I think she should apologize when she is truly sorry (and she is old enough to understand the concept); I think if you ask her to apologize each time, she'll just say it w/out really meaning it. She may not be sorry for whatever offense put her in time out, that's why she did the timeout. Next time, perhaps she will be sorry. I just think making a kid say "sorry" every time loses the effectiveness of "sorry" - I hope YKWIM.
We do the 1-2-3 timeout approach. If she hit someone or did something like that I ask her to apologize and lately she has been but it was rare to non-existent before now. However I don't push it because she seems very shy after a timeout and I think she is already ashamed of what she did. Lately she seems to understand more when something she did was really wrong because she will sit still the whole time and truly wait for us to come and get her - doesn't get all wiggly and try and play with things around her.
I think if you are able to clearly state why she is in timeout before the timeout and you think she is listening there isn't reason to say it again 2-3 minutes later. For us though before the timeout is not time for talking and listening. She is often going in there for not listening so I wait until it is over and she is calm and I just state it again for her. I have tried to get her to tell me and she always says "Because you said no" or "because you yelled at me" (any saying of no is 'yelling' to her). I just correct her statement and phrase it as something she DOES have control over (not MY actions but HERS). I know she understands more than she can articulate in the right words.
I think the difference is in 1-2-3 Magic you tell them why they're going to time out before they go to time out - if I'm remembering correctly. We tend to do both - as in "(count 1, then 2, then) that's three for not hanging up your jacket" - send to time out - then afterwards "the reason you went to time out is because you are supposed to hang up your jacket, not put it on the floor." We always hug after time out.
I like the 123 Magic timeouts (with no apology) at this age for a few reasons:
1) at this age, I think expecting them to understand apologizing is a bit much. like the author says, kids are not little adults who think and reason the way we do. and expecting them to actually feel remorse for having a temper tantrum because you want them to put their shoes on when they don't want to is unrealistic (IMHO).
2) I like the idea of starting with a clean slate as soon as the timeout is over. they don't have to dread another possibly negative interaction at the end of the timeout.
3) the 123 Magic timeouts are really for minor behavior issues. if Warner is hitting or using curse words or running out into traffic, those are things that would require additional discussion because they are a bigger deal. but if he's just jumping on the couch when he knows he's not supposed to or throwing his sippy cup, I think that the timeout is the consequence for his action and no further discussion or apology is needed.