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March 2011 Moms
MarchABC
member
MIL - jealousy and possessiveness
MarchABC
member
The long and short of it is that when MIL holds DS, I want to steal him away. I feel stressed out and angry - like a crazy Mama Bear - and my skin crawls. I hide it well and you would never know I feel this way. In fact, she stays for long periods of time and holds him for hours. The only time I get to be with him when she's here is when I'm feeding him. Right now she's coming about once a week and I dread her visits. My reaction feels very primal and hormonal. It's not at all like me to be so possessive. I love when friends and family want to come over and hold him. It makes me happy and gives me and DH a break.
MIL and I have a history of very subtle issues with one another but nothing anyone else would ever perceive. On the outside, we seem perfectly friendly and in my heart I really care about her a lot. However, she can be very passive aggressive which is hard for me because I'm a communiator and want to "talk out" issues. When we do talk, she has a tendency to subtley disagree with everything I say. I feel like on the most base level, she just doesn't want to share her son with me and maybe I don't want to have to share him either (??). In truth, in the 10 years that DH and I have been together, he's never really spent a lot of time with his mom and rarely even talks to her on the phone. It's not like I even really have to share him.
UGH!!! Thanks for listening! Am I alone or does anyone else feel like this? I'm dealing with it and just hoping it will pass once my hormones settle down. I don't like this feeling or being this way. It's just not like me!
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Re: MIL - jealousy and possessiveness
Hopefully it'll pass soon. I still have an inside baby so I'm really of no use but since MIL and I really don't get along I expect to have a whole pile of issues. DH and I are already anticipating how we will handle some of them, ie. she wants us to go to the nursing home for Easter to take a generational photo. LO will be less than one month old and taking him/her to a nursing home just isn't going to happen. Have you tried to busy yourself with other things while she holds your son? Maybe pick up the house or take care of other things you've been wanting to do? Maybe just stepping away and keeping busy will help? (again I'm of no use because I have no outside baby)
YES! I feel the same way. My mil get along okay but she gets on my nerves for so many different reasons. Whn she is over here she just won't let go of lo which I hate!!! And after awhile dd gets fussy because she gets tired of being held and I have to tell mil to put her down and let her nap. Usually mil gets kinda pissy about it, but i do't want a cranky baby all night just so you can bug her!!! I just hate the little comments and how she thinks that just because she is here that the baby is all hers. And I'm all about short visits but I hate when she comes because of course it has to be for hours! Which really throws off our schedule. And when I bf I try to go in the other room and she will follow me! ugh!
Your are not alone... I could have wrote this word for word! lol
Goodluck...
this is me - exactly - with both of my kids. In fact, it's worse now, probably because she's become very good at undermining my authority with my two year old. She's (jokingly... yeah okay) called me a 'mean mom' in front of my two year old (who repeats everything, if that ever happens, she'll get an earful) when I don't let him have a huge slush she got him from sonic (when he's only had majorly diluted apple juice.) She constantly goes against my husband and my rules, and she always implies that I don't understand how precious he is. Well, he's my kid, so I'm guessing I probably know better than she does.
So - i hope yours gets better. mine has just gotten worse over the years
". And if she refers to my son as "her baby" again I may choke her"
THIS! Exactly!
EVERYTHING that you wrote hits home with me. Your siggy pic does too...I just had Aaron stripped down to a diaper sun bathing in his lamb seat too. If I didn't know any better I'd say it was my LO.
My MIL has had 3 children, and this makes her an authority. She was here the other day holding him and he started suckling at his hand. I said "Oh, he must be hungry" and she looked down and said "Well, sometimes babies just do that". She just has to argue with everything I say. When she holds him I get angry and I get mad. I just want to take him back and scream "HE IS MY BABY, NOT YOURS!". I don't get that way with anyone else..so I really don't get it. I do like her most of the time, and DH and I have been together for 9 years..so it's not like we're new to each other. Also, I get angry when she calls to check on him. Or when she offers to come watch him so DH and I can go out..he's 5 days old, where are we going? I guess what I'm trying to say is..I totally understand and feel your frustrations. I wish I knew how to fix them myself.
Holy balls!! I feel the EXACT same way! The only difference is that I have a really really awesome relationship with her. But, ever since my LO got here, I can't hardly stand her. I hate feeling this way. I don't even want her to touch my baby!!!!! I went in my bedroom the other night to pump and bawled my eyes out. I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels this way though.
Re: MIL. I'm so glad I'm not alone. Maybe it's something instinctual?