When to have next LO.....

doremi29 · March 2011

DH and I had a very interesting conversation last night. Over the course of our relationship, he has always been conservative when it comes to making big decisions. Well, last night he tells me that he's cool with having another LO whenever I'm ready. I'm just torn. I see the benefits of having 2 close together and then I also see many benefits to wait a while.

Do you think this is one of those "you'll know when the time is right" type situations? If you're having more than 1, what's your plan?

mojito14 · March 2011

I think it reallly depends on the individuals and whether they are up for a challenge or not...lol. Ideally, I would like a few years between the kids, but if it happened before then, so be it. I would not even try again until Harrison was 2 though. That's just me.

08summerbride · March 2011

Our ideal plan is to space them out, for financial reasons. Right now we can't afford to put 2 in daycare, or to buy things like a double stroller, another crib, high chair, etc. that would come with having 2 babies close together. I am thinking between 3 and 4 years apart, so that I will only have 1 year of putting 2 in daycare at the same time (and college down the road).

That being said, things rarely seem to go as planned , so who knows what will happen. If it happens earlier, we will just go with the flow and make it work.

Lil Kate · March 2011

My boys are 20 months apart and it is really hard but I love it. You just have to know that it is really hard but it gets easier. I hope they will grow up to be really close.

jknigh8 · March 2011

We are planning on trying again at the end of the summer so DD will be about 22 months when the next one is born (if its as easy for round two as it was with DD) and then we plan to wait a couple years before the third one. I am already fighting the baby fever I've got because financially it is better for us to wait until fall to try again. I think it is a decision that is different for everyone because everyone has different circumstances and experiences. You will know when the time is right.

I get advice from both sides. Wait because you get to watch one grow up before you take away from their attention and also have them close together so you are still in baby mode, and the kids are close to play together....

MrsBalletStar05 · March 2011

I waited awhile because I wanted to have my body just for me for some time. Honestly, I didn't want to share! haha Once DS#1 was getting close to 2, I started bringing up the subject of trying for #2.

That's just me though!!

Alexandra*sMom · March 2011

Ha! NEVER!

We stopped avoiding when Alex was 6 mo. I got PG when she was 12 months and miscarried. I got PG with Taylor 2 months later - so they are 26 months apart. They are best friends. Taylor does not want to play with other 3 yo's, especially if her sister is there.

We never avoided after Taylor was born and I got PG immediately after weaning her at 14 mo. I miscarred again (thinking low progesterone, but no testing was ever done). It took a few months to get PG w/ Dylan - but they are 29 months apart. I like the 2-2.5 year age difference. It all depends on the personality of your children on how hard it is. Alex was and is my hardest kid. She is the one who gets into stuff, climbs on the counters, etc. - she has been since she was 2. Taylor is low key which is nice. And Dylan has been a very go-with the flow girl.

MJ5678 · March 2011

We are going to try again this summer. Depending on the timing of everything, DD will be turning 2 by the time the next LO arrives. We'd like to have them close together in the hopes that they will have a close relationship with each other. I'm really excited about it. I think it's one of those things where you will know when the time is right for you and your family.

Shoshi10 · March 2011

I posted a few days ago about DH wanting to be one and done, but me being torn. We ended up having a long talk the next day about both of our feelings and reasons for wanting to stop or continue growing our family, and he decided he is open to the idea of TTC again after DD turns 3, so that they will be almost 4 years apart (if we get lucky and conceive right away like we did with DD).

WildcatPrincess · March 2011

We're planning on having them close, we're going to start TTC this summer. I honestly don't know if I feel really ready, but I know I don't want to wait too long because I'd like at least 2 more (I say now). Plus I'd rather get the newborn stuff over with as close together as possible.

carrotcake06 · March 2011

We're going to reevaluate in Dec/Jan, which would make DS about 2 1/2 if we decided to try then & got pg as easily as before. More than likely, we'll push it back. I miss sleeping & I'm finally not fat anymore - plus I just started a new job & I want to get established in that, too.

MNgirl326 · March 2011

08summerbride:
Our ideal plan is to space them out, for financial reasons. Right now we can't afford to put 2 in daycare, or to buy things like a double stroller, another crib, high chair, etc. that would come with having 2 babies close together. I am thinking between 3 and 4 years apart, so that I will only have 1 year of putting 2 in daycare at the same time (and college down the road).
That being said, things rarely seem to go as planned , so who knows what will happen. If it happens earlier, we will just go with the flow and make it work.

this is us.

As much as I would love to have them close together, we simply can't afford another child right now.

stella_blu · March 2011

We've always said we want them 2-3 years apart. When DD was first born we were so in love with being parents we thought we'd start trying earlier. Of course we changed our minds again and are planning to TTC in the fall. This will put our kids just over 2 years apart if we concieve as easily again. DH has 10 siblings and the first 6 are all about 18 months to 2 years apart and super close to each other. We really want that for our kids as well.

forensicmama · March 2011

I'm a lurker. My DD is 4 and will be a month short of 5 when this LO arrives. I honestly wish that the age gap was a tad closer, but there are a LOT of benefits to the eldest child being self-sufficient! She'll be able to get diapers for me, wipe her own butt, bathe without supervision, dress herself, spend the mornings at preschool, etc. Maybe in a perfect world, she would be 4 years and a couple of months when this LO arrives, but instead it'll be a little further than that. If I had to give advice to someone else, I would suggest that the first LO at least be potty trained for several months before the second LO came along. To tell you the truth, DH and I had no "plan" for the second one. We "winged" it, so to speak. We were content watching our little girl grow up for such a long time that we didn't care to have another LO so soon. To tell you the truth, this is perfect. Perfect for us. So maybe that's the true advice: Do what's right for you. In the meantime, watch your LO grow up... he has so many milestones ahead of him yet.

aocain02@yahoo.com · March 2011

We plan on trying this summer. I don't know if I'm ready but I'd rather do it now and get the baby stage over with. Once we have two we are done.

g8trkim · March 2011

We're planning between 2 and 3 years apart. I want to get through another school year (I'm a teacher) so that would put him at 26 months. At that point I will take some time off work, maybe indefinitely.

JMB22 · March 2011

That's a good question. DH and I didn't know when we wanted to TTC the first time, but just woke up one day and decided we were ready. Now, we're kinda sorta in the same boat with a second baby. DH is undecided. I'm leaning towards yes, but I'd like to wait 2 or 3 years to TTC again.

People keep saying they want their kids close in age so they will be close growing up. That isn't always the case. In fact, it seems like they fight a lot more from my experience. My sister and I are 5 years apart and very close, so I don't believe the hype of that statement.

We also want to be financially ready for a second baby. We've become very accustomed to the lifestyle we live and we don't see how we can cut anything else out right now. We still want to travel and offer new events/activities for both our children, so we need a few more years in our careers to get to that point.

Unknown · March 2011

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doremi29 · March 2011

forensicmama:
I'm a lurker. My DD is 4 and will be a month short of 5 when this LO arrives. I honestly wish that the age gap was a tad closer, but there are a LOT of benefits to the eldest child being self-sufficient! She'll be able to get diapers for me, wipe her own butt, bathe without supervision, dress herself, spend the mornings at preschool, etc. Maybe in a perfect world, she would be 4 years and a couple of months when this LO arrives, but instead it'll be a little further than that. If I had to give advice to someone else, I would suggest that the first LO at least be potty trained for several months before the second LO came along. To tell you the truth, DH and I had no "plan" for the second one. We "winged" it, so to speak. We were content watching our little girl grow up for such a long time that we didn't care to have another LO so soon. To tell you the truth, this is perfect. Perfect for us. So maybe that's the true advice: Do what's right for you. In the meantime, watch your LO grow up... he has so many milestones ahead of him yet.

This is why I'm not jumping to TTC again- we are just enjoying watching him grow and experience new things. I love that we're able to give him our undivided attention and he'll have that special time before he becomes a big brother. I see my SIL with 2 kids 18 months apart and I see both sides. The kids are close, play all the time, and have a lot of fun together. But, I can see that my SIL is overwhelmed. Hmm....decisions decisions.

doremi29 · March 2011

Cassie730:
doremi29:

forensicmama:
I'm a lurker. My DD is 4 and will be a month short of 5 when this LO arrives. I honestly wish that the age gap was a tad closer, but there are a LOT of benefits to the eldest child being self-sufficient! She'll be able to get diapers for me, wipe her own butt, bathe without supervision, dress herself, spend the mornings at preschool, etc. Maybe in a perfect world, she would be 4 years and a couple of months when this LO arrives, but instead it'll be a little further than that. If I had to give advice to someone else, I would suggest that the first LO at least be potty trained for several months before the second LO came along. To tell you the truth, DH and I had no "plan" for the second one. We "winged" it, so to speak. We were content watching our little girl grow up for such a long time that we didn't care to have another LO so soon. To tell you the truth, this is perfect. Perfect for us. So maybe that's the true advice: Do what's right for you. In the meantime, watch your LO grow up... he has so many milestones ahead of him yet.

This is why I'm not jumping to TTC again- we are just enjoying watching him grow and experience new things. I love that we're able to give him our undivided attention and he'll have that special time before he becomes a big brother. I see my SIL with 2 kids 18 months apart and I see both sides. The kids are close, play all the time, and have a lot of fun together. But, I can see that my SIL is overwhelmed. Hmm....decisions decisions.

I truly believe it is harder on the parents than the children. I will do everything in my power to ensure that Brady NEVER feels less loved because he's no longer the only baby in the house. He will get all the attention he deserves. He will never know a world without his sibling and they will be so close. I'm also lucky enough (as it seems you are too) to have a very active supportive DH. That support system makes a huge difference. Hopefully at his age Brady will be more fascinated than jealous. It will also give him some time to bond closer with Daddy, Grandma, his Aunts, and other important adults in his life. I think it's the parents who have a lot more hard work to do after #2 arrives and sometimes end up feeling stretched thin.

Totally agree. With my SIL, it seems like she sort of lost control of the 3 year old's behavior (18 months when her DS was born) when #2 came along. Now the 2 LO's rule the house. There is constant screaming (the kids) and she's always picking up after them- they don't listen at all. But like I said, the kids have a blast together.

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