Do you let Others take LO in the car?

octbride2006 · March 2011

Just getting some advice. Last night my sister watched DD and didn't tell me that she intended to take her to a restaurant. I said something and now she is mad and insulted. Am I overreacting? DH and I would just like to know when someone is going to take her in a car before they go. Somehow my sister finds this crazy. Am I the crazy one?

jnicole1120 · March 2011

Both sets of grandparents and our DCP take DD in the car. I say if you trust your sister enough to watch her, then you should trust her enough to take her in the car. I would have no problem with her taking LO out.

FutureMrsCaesar · March 2011

I'm assuming your sister had a safe and appropriate carseat for your LO.

I don't blame your DH for wanting to know if someone was taking your LO somewhere, but since it was family I'd be less upset about it. Maybe she just forgot to mention it to you?

And to answer your question, my mom and dad drive DS1 around and that's about it. I'd trust a few other people but they don't have a carseat for him so we usually just end up taking mine or DHs car and one of us drives.

carlab44 · March 2011

I wouldn't want a babysitter that we hired for the evening to take them in the car without our permission. But I wouldn't mind if an immediately family member did that. As long as they had a carseat of course.

But if it bothers you, it bothers you. I'd let it go since your sister didn't know, and just make your expectations more clear next time.

Spin313 · March 2011

I would want to know if someone other than DH or I were going to drive my children anywhere, but DD is a newborn and DS has only ever been watched by my family. DS has only ever ridden in the car with my dad once (while I was in the hospital with DD).

mrs_kelly1014 · March 2011

Yes. My parents watch him at least 1 day/week and they take him to the park, to the airport to watch airplanes (my dad is a pilot), etc. I HATE when he is with anyone other than me and DH and is being driven around, but I realize that it is my own fear that I need to get over. I realize it's irrational to be so fearful of them getting in an accident, so I let people drive him even though in a perfect world only DH and I would.

LLB430 · March 2011

I have been flamed for this before but I really don't let anybody drive dd very often. My mom has a car seat as she watches her 1 day a week (the only day my mom has off) so sometimes she has to run an errand or two. Luckily my mom was a worrier like me and totally gets I don't want dd all around town while I am working, she calls me when they get back to let me know they are home.

Our friend/sitter has taken her to play dates before and will be driving her to preschool in the fall one day a week. She totally respects my reservations about dd not being out and about.

I have not let my IL's drive her. MIL is in poor health and not under the care of a doctor, she is not getting behind the wheel with my dd in the car. DH has said FIL is not a great driver and would prefer he not drive her. We haven't gone into detail with them other than that we don't want her in other peoples cars.

Perhaps this will change someday but for now we are sticking to it.

Wally3 · March 2011

Both sets of grandparents take him out when they visit. As well as 2 of our regular babysitters. Also, my bff has driven him. Babysitters only drive him when I ask and we have to put a seat in their car or they borrow mine. Grandparents usually tell us the plans for the day but I wouldn't be upset if they ran out for lunch or the store with him. THough I think it is common to mention where you are going if you are taking someone elses child.

kpips20 · March 2011

Our rule is that our kids will only ride in our car. We just feel like we've installed the seats ourselves and had them checked and we know the car is safe. We have let my parents and ILs take DS out a few times in our car. However I'd be a little peeved if they took him out and didn't tell us.

Leila'sMommy · March 2011

Daycare takes DD in the car occasionally. Meh, as long as the driver is safe, I have no issues with it. She always tells me ahead of time, though. Anyone who doesn't tell a parent they are taking their child in a car is crossing a line, though. You should always be aware where they are going. Just common sense. I would've been pissed at my sister if she did that. Hopefully she learned her lesson and will tell you in the future.

leslie13510 · March 2011

The driving part itself wouldn't really bother me (assuming she's not a craptastic driver), but I would be pissed if I found out later that they weren't where I thought they were.

Now if we were going on a week-long vacation or something, and either set of parents watched them, I wouldn't expect them to call and ask permission for every little trip out of the house. But if we were going out for a few hours and had a sitter come over, or took them to someone's house (family or not), and I found out later that they had taken the kids somewhere without asking, I'd be livid. Rational or not, if I don't hear differently from the sitter I expect my kids to be where I left them at all times, and I expect a phone call to ask me/us if it's ok and to let us know what the new agenda is, before they go anywhere at all.

Also, I would insist on inspecting the carseats before anyone else drives them in their car, or I would insist that they take our car where I know the seats are properly installed. And I would want to make sure they know how to buckle them in correctly (chest clip in the right spot, straps tight enough, etc) as well.

Over-protective? Maybe. I don't care, they're our kids and they can't be replaced.

momtoRaegan041008 · March 2011

My mom watches my daughter every Thursday, and I meet her halfway between our house and her house. She has drove my daughter around since she was 6 weeks. My in-laws went out and bought their own carseat. My FIL started watching my daughter when my husband's grandpa got sick. I was a little annoyed that they just went and bought whatever seat without researching it. I just don't like my daughter be drove all around town and not knowing where she is. My sister has drove my daughter one time when she picked her up from a wedding so we could stay and enjoy the evening (I was in the wedding). She drove her in our car. Other than family, I don't like the idea of her being in someone else's car. I'm a little overprotective.

I would just like to know if people plan to drive my daughter, that is all I ask.

PrncesWife · March 2011

Right now it's a non-issue for us because we don't have any family near by. I SAH, so she spends all her time with me and there's just no opportunity for anyone else to drive her.

However, my SIL is moving here in May, and I've already let her know we have an extra carseat for her car. I have no problem with her driving DD around.

wifeandmama · March 2011

Sure! My parents, my grandmom, my sister & BIL

They all LOVE my kids and would never put them in harm's way. I trust my family!

mamamurphy · March 2011

If I trust them to watch my kids.

I trust them to drive my kids.

That said my kids have only been watched by my parents and my aunt.

LawLove08 · March 2011

Provided your sister had a properly installed car seat, and there's no history here of your sister being an unsafe/uninsured driver, I think there's nothing wrong with what your sister did. ?When I leave DS with my parents or my sister, I don't expect them to let me know if they intend to take DS somewhere. ?If it were a babysitter I hired, or even DCP I would want to know ahead of time and would probably not ok it absent extenuating circumstances. ?

KeriMac · March 2011

My DCP (who happens to be a relative) occasionally takes DD in her car if she hs to pick up one of her kids at school. It is very rare and she always texts me to let me know. She is not necessarily asking my permision - I have supplied a carseat and the school is right up the road, but as a mom she gets that I want to know where my children are. I would feel the same way about any babysitter, relative or not. If you are at work and expect that your child is at home or at your sister's, I feel you have the right to know if that plan changes.

No one else drives DD because my ILs do not have carseats and my dad has an old, expired carseat that he intends to use for my sister's baby and I won't allow my DD to sit in that. He feels carseat expirations are a manufacturing plot, I disagree.

octbride2006 · March 2011

Thanks so much for all your advice. I guess the bottom line was that I want to know when she will be leaving or going somewhere with whomever is watching her. That is what I was mad about. Here I am thinking they are hanging out at home for the night, and then I get a text saying that they were at a restaurant. I think as a mother I have a right to know where my baby is. Thanks again. I read all your responses and it does shed some insight on the situation.

ABMcKinney · March 2011

I'm a really crappy driver so I pretty much trust anybody to drive my kids around. They're probably safer.

ridesbuttons · March 2011

You sound a wee bit paranoid. It was your sister taking her neice out in the car.

Breathe.

If she's mad and insulted you must have said something pretty harsh. Apologize and remind yourself that your children are going to be out in the world, little by little. This is one of those little steps.

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