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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
pastalady
member
Re: Judging other moms
pastalady
member
I hear people say they try not to judge since becoming a mom. The whole "we've all been there" argument doesn't work for me. I judge way more now that I am a mom. Before I had kids if I saw a woman shopping with a crying newborn and she wasn't consoling the baby I wouldn't have thought twice. I mean I did judge when I saw someone screaming at their kids but who wouldn't right?
Now I know what being a mom is all about and I feel the unconditional love for my DD. I put her well being and safety first and it really bugs when I see parents not doing so. Reagrding that post about the crying baby in Target, how hard would it have been for the mom to murmur "Mommy loves you, my sweet baby" or something soothing. Yes, the baby would still cry but hearing the moms voice might have made the baby feel better. Anyone else judge more now they are a mom or is it just me?
[IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/30xit04.jpg[/IMG]
Olivia Kate is almost 4!
Diagnosed with autism this year and doing great!
![http://i50.tinypic.com/30xit04.jpg[/IMG]](http://i50.tinypic.com/30xit04.jpg[/IMG]){kind=link}
Olivia Kate is almost 4!
Diagnosed with autism this year and doing great!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Re: Judging other moms
certain things I judge more (like safety) because I'm more educated on the topic now that I've had a kid.
Certain things I judge less because I get that it could be a one time thing. I've had horrible days at the store, too. It happens.
I am so preoccupied with my kids when I am out that I seriously dont even notice other mothers, especially enough to think about what they are doing and judge them.
the amount of judging other people do astounds me.
had i seen that target scenario, i would have thought, "poor mom". that is all. and then my son would probably pull my daughter's hair and i would get distracted pulling them apart and not think about that mother again.
Exactly. I judge when someone is putting their LO in danger. The Target Mom was not. Plus, we all have had low points as Moms. It would suck if someone were to judge me as a mom based on that low point. Oh, and how do we know the woman wasn't talking to her baby? I always talk to my DS, but it is usually in a soft soothing tone that a person a few aisles away would not be able to hear. Maybe once the mom got to the same aisle as OP, she was aware of them watching her and that made her feel uncomfortable and took her attention. Honestly, Moms on here judge too much. I bet if the Mom had the carrier where the little boy was, someone would have judged since that's not a safe place...you just can't win.
I remember once when H and I had a 2 week old DS at Target, he was screaming. Nothing was helping. The only thing that worked somewhat (made his crying a little softer) was by keeping him in his carseat while we rushed to get what we needed. There was no way we were going to leave our cart behind and go home. It is hard to get out of the house with a newborn. We did what we needed to do at Target and then we left. People stared (most giving us "we've been there" smiles). It would have sucked to be judged at that point.
Go Phils!!
We all judge. But I judge things that affect a child's health/safety, not stuff that I deem to be bad/wrong/negelctful. I saw a woman driving in a car, all 4 windows up, smoking with 2 kids in the car. I judged the hell out of that.
I don't judge when something may not be as it seems, or I don't know the full story. But seeing a woman smoking w/kids in her car...leaves no room for assuming I don't have all the facts.
I always try to give an understanding smile or comment to moms who have crying/tantruming kids in stores for the most part. Maybe she was trying to reassure/calm the baby for like 20 min before the poster saw her...
Like gumiberg said, the judging that goes on on here is seriously crazy. but we all have our 'things'. And I don't know anything about the OP of this post or the other but if you didn't have a truly colicky or fussy baby, you have no idea what it is like to deal with that all the time. It is so frustrating & stressful and then you are always embarrassed or worried what others think/say about you, even your friends (we had a night where our DD just would not calm down & we had friends over who have a baby the same age who has always been VERY easy, STTN very early, rarely cried, etc, and it was after the kids went to bed, and MH & I ended up in the playroom with her, running the vacuum, bouncing her, walking, etc and had to call down to our friend that they could just let themselves out. I hate to admit it but we felt embarrassed by something we couldn't control and you just feel like people think you have no control of your kid or what is wrong with you/your kid, etc., when their kid just never does that stuff, so you start to blame yourself).
And apparently we were right to feel that people were judging us.
I wanted to add that I find it offensive that you are implying that a woman who didn't constantly try to soothe her cranky baby doesn't love her child unconditionally.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that those who judge that woman didn't have colicky babies.
I was referring to another post, not my own experience in that case. When I am out I am constantly talking to DD, kissing her, laughing at her attempts at jokes, etc. I am definitely one extreme of the spectrum, I totally get that. I honestly try not to take a bad moment and judge it. I know we all have "moments". You know that whole Oprah thing, where she said all kids need is to see your face light up everytime they walk in a room? I know DD will always get that response from me. I am sad a lot of kids won't get that. And a baby being completely ignored? I can bet he'she won't get that you know?
Olivia Kate is almost 4!
Diagnosed with autism this year and doing great!
Are you for real? So based on 10 minutes of the kid crying in Target, you assume that that baby isn't going to see their mom's face light up when they walk into a room? You have got to be kidding me.
Bahaha. That makes me laugh. Sometimes when my kids are fighting and screaming or just having a plain old tantrum I completely ignore them. They are fvcked.
To be honest when I read about the Target baby I thought "yeah I totally would have judged that mom too" but I'm glad I read all the responses. I've never had a colicy baby and I PRAISE mothers who did and made it through. Sometimes I wanted to scream and rip my hair out at normal crying. I can't imagine what it would be like to live with a baby that screams all the time.
No, it was a parenting expert on the show.
Olivia Kate is almost 4!
Diagnosed with autism this year and doing great!
This. I could really care less most of the time about what other moms give their children. And I know that my IL's judge me for not allowing my child to eat jumk or chocolate. However, when it is safety, I feel like I have more concern than I am "judging" but whatever.
This. I may side-eye something but I never assume instant neglect or something like that. Being a mom is hard and having people judging you left and right only makes it worse. I do my best to stay out of things, even if I disagree.
I saw a lady trying to hold off her newborn baby because she wanted to eat food. I understand a momma needs to eat but half the time she wasn't even eating and the grandma was trying to console the baby!!!! Oh I wanted to run up to the baby and love her and give her my milk lol. FINALLY after like 30 min the mom gives in and goes and makes a bottle for her. I felt so bad for the baby. The mom was acting like it was so inconvient to feed her child! I wanted to smack her.
K the end!
where were you?
Our family blog
I try to never judge since becoming a Mom unless it is something that is obviously endangering the child. I get the side eye all of the time when we are out and have even had a couple of mothers at the library make comments to me because my son was eating from a bottle at 20 months old. People assume that I am a lazy mother because he still uses a bottle. What they don't understand is that him using a bottle is a huge accomplishment right there. If he isn't using a bottle, I am hooking a tube up to his feeding tube and putting the formula in that way.
Having a special needs child has taught me that you NEVER know someone elses situation and that things are not always what they seem. So unless you aren't using a carseat, are beating your child etc., I don't judge because I don't know.
This completely! When I notice other moms its usually a quick glance and definitely not long enough to be judging what they are doing. I am usually preoccupied with what I am doing and how to get out of the store as quickly as possible lol
Thanks for posting this! I totally agree-- DS has a genetic growth disorder and as a result his diet is definitely not what I would be feeding any of my other "future" kids but its what we need to do for him and what his dr's and nutritionist and feeding therapist are telling me to do. I am sure I get judged when I eat out in public with DS b/c not only is he not getting the 100% healthy option but he is also only 12lbs so it looks like we are feeding a 3 month old food and somewhat unhealthy food at that haha Anyone who knows my situations totally gets it but I am sure I often get the side eye which is also why I tend not to notice other moms since I am focused on myself and my child, no one and nothing else.
Okay, not sure what is going on, but this is me that wrote this. I have no ideas who swanygirly is...
Okay, I don't know what is going on, but this is me who wrote this, not swanygirly. No idea who that is....
Okay, not sure what is going on, but this is me that wrote this. I have no ideas who swanygirly is...
Alright, seriously whats going on. I just logged in and out again and it is still saying I am this swanygirly person. This is twoasone. Anyone have any idea what is going on?
IT still says swanygirly...
Hats off to the person who posted re her special needs baby- you truly never know anyone's situation and certainly not in 10 min at target!
Why would it change my name on here? I have been on here awhile and that has never happened to me before.
That was my original post she quoted. I am so confused right now.
Anyway, yeah. It stinks being judged by people when they have no idea what is really going on.
A few weeks ago, H and I took DS to the Smithsonian in DC. While there, we saw a kid who was about 6 really acting out. His Mom was there and I could see her saying stuff to him, but I am not sure what she was saying or doing. I wasn't even going to look at them b/c I hate when people stare at kids at having meltdown. Well, I guess about ten other people were staring at the mom and whispering. The poor woman finally said to them, "Look, he's autistic and this is what happens." I felt so bad for that Mom. She should never have had to explain to a room of gawking of strangers that her DS had autism.
So, I stand by my original point that I have been saying since Judgey McJudgerson posted her Target post. Unless it is a dangerous situation for a LO, stay out of it. You have no idea what is going on.
Go Phils!!
Thank you. I was always embarrassed by DD's crying. Whether I was out at the store or at a friends house. Many times we left early from friends homes because I just couldn't sooth DD.
I judge. We all do. It's human nature. I do try to put myself in others shoes though. I really don't care what you do w/ your kid. Unless it's a safety issue or you are being out & out mean to your child do what ya want to.
I've had that happen. The name problem on here. It just worked itself out somehow.
As soon as some of these women created their bump account.
That also has a lot to do with social pressure. Even at a young age they experience it. I asked DD's daycare teacher how they did time outs. She told me than asked why I even asked. I said "because I want to be consistent." She said "oh because we've never had to put DD in time out." She's a perfect angle for others just not us. lol