Anyone besides DH with you after baby comes home?

BeachBlondie456 · March 2011

Curious to know, will any of you have your mother or other family member stay with you at first when you bring baby home? my DH doesnt seem to think its necessary, but I will be exclusively BF and I know he wont get up with me all the time, and I was thinking it would be nice to have someone there to help me since I will be sore and tired and all that. What are your plans? Thoughts?

JeepersWife · March 2011

DH is taking the first two weeks off work and my mother is around the corner so will probably not STAY here unless I need her, but will be here for me during the day. DH's family is also in the same neighborhood and will offer lending hands too (not the Mother-in-law...but other close family on his side).

I also have a few best friends nearby for assistance as needed. I think its best to have someone other than the DH on hand just in case!

TheGregory's07 · March 2011

I didn't with my son and it was overwhelming even with my husbands help and he was a great help. I think this time since we will have a 2 1/2 year old too, my sil is planning on coming some. She is a l&d nurse so I am excited to have her help.

rayandbrit · March 2011

All of our family lives states away, so we are still trying to figure this all out. With DD my Mom and Dad came for her birth and were only able to stay a week, but I found that there wasn't much they could help me with that first week. I was attempting to BF, so I was pretty much the only one who could do a lot with DD. When I really needed them was a week or two later when BFing wasn't working and I had not been sleeping properly for a few weeks. There's really no way to anticipate though. This time, I think we will use the help more for DD (keeping her entertained, fed, etc.) while I attempt to BFing again.

Also depends on how helpful your family is and how low-maintenance they are. I don't want DH's family there until we are much more stable and comfortable, but I am fine with my family being there when I am sleep deprived and hormonal.

dramaqueen21888 · March 2011

just like with the 1st my mom will be there to help with the baby and my 1st DS. My DH will be there too but will have to go back to work imm.

beedale862003 · March 2011

I didn't with my son and got along fine, my dad did bring some meals which helped but this time I'm planning on asking for some help. My mom and dad live locally so I doubt they will stay but probably come during the day after DH goes back to work. I feel like I will need some help with my son and the baby at first, but I think with just my son I did fine.

Ebeth_in_ATL · March 2011

Not sure this time. I'll explain at the end.

For DS#1, my mom came and stayed 2 weeks. It was helpful, very helpful. But looking back she was showing signs of early stage Alzheimer's so I had to remind her of a lot of stuff over, and over and over. But still, she could cook back then and she did. DS#1 was born 3/23 and DH is a tax CPA.... I couldn't have done it without her.

My father died suddenly while I was pregnant with DS#2. The grief coupled with what was diagnosed as Alzheimer's after he died, my mom was a basketcase for a long time and never got back to a level of cooking and doing any household work with any regularity. So my IL's came. They stayed 2 weeks. If we hadn't had a 21 month old, I would have lost it before that was over. But I needed them.

This time, my mom is now local but in assisted living and obviously not any more helpful than she was when #2 was born. She will visit but not be of any real help except to maybe entertain the older two if she's having a good day.

I was stressing because FIL has dementia now too and up until last week was living at home still. No way MIL could come be of any reliable help with him and she had no one else to stay with him. (Everytime they came out here over the last 8 months or so, he'd start arguing after a day or two that he needs to get home to go back to work. Due to a back injury, he hadn't worked since the early 70's. He was living in a time prior to that.)

He's in the hospital now and she's finally placing him in a NH this week. I am sure by the time the baby comes she'll be up to visit and I won't have to ask... she'll offer.

If not... I'll freak out. DH can't take much time off work. Sure legally he can but he's a partner and it's not expected. But I'll be having a c-section again and unable to drive for 2 weeks and of course can't pick up either of our boys.... ack! Stresses me out every time I think about it. LOL

colorschemer · March 2011

I haven't decided yet. I really wish that we had family close by to help without moving in, but none of the grandparents are going to be less than an hour and a half away. My parents are three hours away. My husband will probably take off at least a few days and then my mom might comes down for a couple of days after that. I really haven't decided yet.

dmogmo · March 2011

No one will be staying in the house with us. Thankfully we don't really have room for that and it would drive me crazy. But I'm sure my mom and/or DH's mom will help out after baby's born.

colorschemer · March 2011

Ebeth_in_ATL,

All I can say is good luck and God bless! I've volunteered with and then worked with dementia patients for the last few years and it is emotionally draining, even for someone who never knew them as mom.

SMJ1106 · March 2011

I have already talked to husband about a strict "no overnight guest" policy. For at least the first month or two. My mother and grandmother live 2 minutes away. And I have a feeling that between them, my aunt, my brother, and my husband I will have enough help if I need/want it. I know I will want some help, but I tend to get overwhelmed by tons of people around and will want to spend time bonding with my baby.

DH's family lives 2 hours away. I know if I would let it... they would stay forever . No thank you! They would want to come and visit, stay overnight, have me cook and take care of them and just visit baby. Oh, and bring there misbehaved and un-pottytrained dogs. Not happening.

I have yet to decide if I even want people in the hospital waiting room. I get extremely anxious about stupid things...and this would be one of them. We may just wait until the baby is born to call family and tell them to come see him/her.

BeachBlondie456 · March 2011

im super close with my family (the talk on the phone everyday type) and its my mom and my MILs first grandbaby, so my family is going nuts. (this is our first) My mothers house is 45 minutes away. My grandparents are flying in, which im completely fine with since im very close with my grandma (naming baby after her if its a girl) SO i told them they can rotate ONE a night until im tired of them. but i feel completely comfortable staying in my pjs all day with them around and will definitely take the help with caring for my dogs and doing dishes. My DH will have over a week off, which is nice. I guess ill let them stay until im over their company. We have one extra bedroom. As long as they are not taking over everything and being over bearing i dont mind if they are here.

kristennd · March 2011

All of our family is two time zones away so when they visit, it has to be a major visit.

My mother will be staying here for the first week or two (she bought a one-way ticket so we have flexibility) to help around the house. DH won't be able to take any time off at all, and I'm just fine with her doing the cooking and cleaning and otherwise letting me sleep as much as possible. And I know that's what she'll actually do.

captcourt · March 2011

Boyfriend and I rent the basement of my moms house. so she will be just upstairs. And my older brother lives there with her.(he is only older by 354 days[Almost a year],)

HappyKlamb10 · March 2011

my mom is planning to stay for just a few days after the birth, to help us with things like grocery shopping, cooking, etc. while DH and i focus on the baby. then she will probably leave for a few weeks because DH will be on paternity leave for about 3 weeks. then she said she might come back for a little while after DH goes back to work, if i feel like i need the extra help. i really appreciate that she is being so flexible about it!

Jamison13 · March 2011

Since I don't live near any family and don't have a SO, my mom, grandma, and aunt are going to be coming down for the birth and then after me and the baby are able to travel we will be driving up to Indiana. I will be spending about a month of my maternity leave there. My mom might come down a little earlier. I am not sure yet since I am still in Okinawa and not in Texas (where i will be having the baby) yet. I might have her come down like 3 weeks before the baby is due so i can make sure EVERYTHING is ready since i won't be starting any work on the nursery until after I get there in early May.

gymnst1013 · March 2011

Nope, it will just be the 3 of us. I'm sure my mom will come to visit a lot, but we don't have room for guests and I really don't thikn I would want anyone staying with us anyway. I would feel like I have to entertain and I don't want to have to worry about that.

crzygirl · March 2011

My mom stayed for three weeks starting at week 3 with DD. She was great scrubbed all the windows inside and out, plus tons of help so I could sleep for 5 hours in a row everyday. This time I think she will stay about a week or two. We have a live in nanny 5 days a week so it should be easier. I am going to try to work a few hours every day this time so the help will be necessary.

pinkpigeon · March 2011

i agree with some others: boyfriend will take the week of her birth off, but after that week my mom will be taking time off with me, followed by my cousin/best friend. i will be BF'ing too so i think i'll need more help the further we go.

ShandaLea · March 2011

My mom will be here but I will have to have the extra help. I have been on bedrest for the last 3 weeks and will remain on bedrest until I deliver, so after (hopefully for the baby's sake) 6 months of being in bed it will be hard on me just to be up and then add in a newborn...yeah I'll need DH, my mom and any other help I can get

Azrayla · March 2011

I REFUSE to have any visitors for a week.. refuse..My ILs came with DD a day or so after she was born they had a hotel but were still in the way..I want to get settled and establish a decent bf schedule before people come by and try to steal my baby this time..I'm putting my foot down! DH already agreed

ETA:Oh I got no help at all..My ILs cant do much except sit around because they have health issue but my mom is capable and laughed when I asked her to change a diaper.. She cooked dinner once but only because the ILs were there.. and cleaning HA..so there was no point to them

toriwc · March 2011

Absolutely no overnight guests. And limited to immediate family during the day. Having my mother here for anything more than two hours will be much more stressful that what it's worth. DH's mom is cool, and will visit when she can (they live two hours away), but not to "help" or anything. Our dads will just tag along with the moms.

SamJustice · March 2011

I haven't really talked about it to anyone. My sisters have ben expressing an interest in helping out after wards, but they're both still in elementary school (ages 9 and 10) so I'm not sure how much of a help they'd be. But I guess they're both pretty independent and self sufficient, and FI won't be able to take off work, so I wouldn't mind the little helpers lol

And my mother smokes. A lot. And she's already said she won't do it outside and that she won't bother helping at all.

sassy1 · March 2011

My DH will only be able to take 1 week off after the baby comes. My mom is planning to stay with us for a few weeks to help out~which is a relief. My MIL also offered, which is sweet, but 1 person helping is all we'll really need. MIL also offered to help my SIL when her baby comes in a couple of months; I think SIL will take her up on it, since her own mom isn't coming to visit til her baby's 2nd month.

rxy5309 · March 2011

For a few days Dh and I are going to stay with my parents. My mom is going to cook for us and we will get to rest a bit. My mom suggested this and I said Heck Yeah! Just a day or 2 and then we will go home.

itsmevkb · March 2011

We've never had anyone stay with us after I had our children and we won't this time either. My sister, who watches our kids normally while we're at work, will probably come over for a few hours each day to help out while I'm on maternity leave.

sunandsurfmama · March 2011

We will not be having anyone stay with us, but that is by choice. We want time to bond as a family and get on our "new" schedule without having others around. I also want to be able to walk around in whatever I am comfortable in with having to worry about who is in the living room.

It is really your choice if your choice to have someone around, or not.

WhitePicketFence · March 2011

Nope and we didn't with DD #1 either. It was just easier for us to get into a routine of our own before throwing anyone else into the mix. Our family all lives nearby, however, and have all offered to help with DD #1 if needed once we bring the new baby home.

SoxFan777 · March 2011

HappyKlamb10:
my mom is planning to stay for just a few days after the birth, to help us with things like grocery shopping, cooking, etc. while DH and i focus on the baby. then she will probably leave for a few weeks because DH will be on paternity leave for about 3 weeks. then she said she might come back for a little while after DH goes back to work, if i feel like i need the extra help. i really appreciate that she is being so flexible about it!

This exactly, except DH will only be home for two weeks. At first, she'll come with my dad. After 2 weeks, I'm sure it'll be just her.

She REALLY cooks and I know she'll make some fabulous food for us. I'm excited to have her help! She says that ALL the baby care is up to me because it's important that I bond with the baby but she'll do chores and cooking. How awesome is that?

WeWearCombatBoots · March 2011

My mother will be here and I know she will be my saving grace. I have never taken care of a baby before and I know nothing about it. I am hoping some kind of maternal instincts kick in, and for everything else my mom can help me. I kind of have her on a little pedestal and I see her as knowing everything, being a mom and a pediatric nurse, she knows all the right and wrong things to do with a baby. I know I need her, and I can't wait to share motherhood with her. We are so close, I am looking forward to seeing her as much as I am to the birth of my baby. I am so happy to be giving her her first grandbaby.

That being said, if the in-laws try to visit, I will be livid. I know they will want to meet their grandchild, but I need that time learning with mom and being with someone I am comfortable with, not having to entertain in-laws. I will visit them when they get to meet him/her. I hope the baby is as least a couple weeks old before they meet him/her.

chocoholicchick · March 2011

My ILs are staying until the baby is born and then they are leaving right away. My mom plans on staying for a week only. Since DH works 5 minutes away from our place, I'm not too worried.

mabma80 · March 2011

My DH stayed home with me for a week after the baby. And thankfully, we lived close enough to his parents, that they came and helped out for that first week too for both of my boys. This time, since we live(WI) VERY far from his parents (ND) and mine (GA) it will be difficult. My Mom is flying up from Georgia to help out with our two boys a day or two before #3 is due. I am thrilled about that!!

So, to answer your question. It is nice to have either your MIL or Mother, whomever can make it, there at home with you to help out. It wouldn't hurt. You will need your rest and so will your DH. And if not, then tell your DH that when the baby gets up in the middle of the night, he's in charge of diaper changes and you will feed. It's only fair. : )

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