Why don't women trust their OBs?

MrsG.060708 · March 2011

I'm not trying to be snarky, but it's starting to drive me nuts.

I don't know how many times I've seen girls come post here asking if it's normal for their first appt to be scheduled X number of weeks away, or they have some cramping/spotting and had an u/s and their OB said everything is fine...but they come here to ask our opinion.

We are not OBs. If your OB scheduled you at a certain time or said you were fine--TRUST THEM, not us (we're internet strangers!). If you don't trust your OB and you trust internet strangers more, get yourself a new OB stat.

ETA: Yes, I know this is a place "for support" and to get others experiences...but ask for that then...don't ask us if you should trust what your OB says. If you don't like/trust what they have to say, find another one for a second opinion.

Jing22 · March 2011

I realize that these questions seem dumb to you, but a lot of people are first timers and need to be cut a little slack. Just ignore them... take a deep breath! Go on with your day.

MrsG.060708 · March 2011

I was a first timer not that long ago...I trusted my Drs opinion then too.

HoneyBee111409 · March 2011

Jing22:
I realize that these questions seem dumb to you, but a lot of people are first timers and need to be cut a little slack. Just ignore them... take a deep breath! Go on with your day.

Agreed.

If it's starting to drive you nuts- don't open the posts. Especially if women are first-timers, & they don't know how it's supposed to be there's comfort in seeing what the majority of others' experiences are.

And a lot of times OB's do tell you incorrect things & there's nothing wrong with seeing what other people's dr's are saying about the same subject.

Yeah, that doesn't mean you should trust a message board to make your decisions about what OB you see, but it's a good sounding board to gather more information.

adri77 · March 2011

I get where they are coming from.....I remember feeling the same exact things/worries when I was a first timer. Whatever makes people feel better, if coming on here for "2nd opinions" helps them, so be it!

allieatlanta · March 2011

I think it just comes out of impatience/wishful thinking...they are probably hoping that everyone will say "Oh my gosh, NO that is not normal that your appt is scheduled for 9 weeks...you need to get to go see your baby on an US right now!" because secretly, we all want to. I'm sure in the back of their minds, they know the OB probably knows what they're talking about Wink

Plus, as a first timer myself, these boards have been helpful but they also just make me nervous! It can become an obsession reading about all of the things that can go wrong...I will be the first to say, I did not realize before I got preg that there would be so much worry associated with it. I know that is naive, lol...but I'm sure some of the other first timers are dealing with the same thing- and sometimes anxiety makes you do stupid things...like think you are smarter than trained medical professionals, lol.

LurkieLoo · March 2011

I'm not a first timer but I can definately remember how I felt with my first. Cut them some slack. It's hard to see people who aren't as far along as you getting to hear and see their babies. Maybe they aren't questioning their doctor per se but they are anxious to see their doctor.

That said, there are time when you SHOULD question your doctor. My birth with my son, for example, ended up with a c-section when it most likely shouldn't have. So yes, I question doctors now. I question them a lot. I know my body. My body knows how to incubate and birth a baby. It shouldn't have ended up that way. I know that wasn't what you were referring to but I just wanted to get it off my chest that sometimes people blindly follow doctors when they may not be right. They aren't God or all knowing.

AngnShaun · March 2011

I have no problem with women questioning thier drs... ive seen enough misdiagnosed miscarriages to know not every dr takes the time for every woman... some drs have no bedside manor and scare women unnecessarily.. i dealt with my own questionable dr for my ectopic....

peanutboogie · March 2011

OP I agree with you!! I have stopped responding to those posts! Maybe it is the hormones but I get annoyed when there are multiple posts in a row all with the same sort of questions.

I understand being excited/nervous but If for any reason you do not trust your OB you have the right to get a 2nd opinion. I trust my OB with my life and LOs life that is the whole point of having one:)

This is a great group to come and chat and ask questions but, as always I would never take any advice from the internet over my Dr.

mben1119 · March 2011

I agree with OP. Our doctors are doctors for a reason, and went to school for it. Me? I have an English degree and work at a bank. I could tell you my experiences, or what I read in a book somewhere, but I am NOT a trained professional. You know who I defer to? Trained professionals. Your OB would have scheduled your U/S for a time which makes sense based on their experience. Every woman's pregnancy is different, and just because one girl got an u/s at 6 weeks DOES NOT mean you need one too.

StefB28 · March 2011

MrsG.060708:
I was a first timer not that long ago...I trusted my Drs opinion then too.

Often, we have to be our own best advocate. When I was trying to get pregnant with #1, I was concerned that my thyroid levels were off & this was preventing me from getting pregnant. My ob/gyn said that they were fine. I didn't agree, so I made an appointment with an RE, who told me that my TSH levels were twice what they should be for a woman trying to conceive. I started taking Synthroid & with a round of Clomid, was pregnant the next month. I believe that because my thyroid levels are normal (I still take Synthroid) this is why baby #2 was so easy to conceive. My point is that doctors are not always right & there's nothing wrong with questioning the care you receive instead of blindly going along with whatever your doctor says.

NewzieMom · March 2011

You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.

MrsG.060708 · March 2011

StefB28:
MrsG.060708:
I was a first timer not that long ago...I trusted my Drs opinion then too.
Often, we have to be our own best advocate. When I was trying to get pregnant with #1, I was concerned that my thyroid levels were off & this was preventing me from getting pregnant. My ob/gyn said that they were fine. I didn't agree, so I made an appointment with an RE, who told me that my TSH levels were twice what they should be for a wonan trying to conceive. I started taking Synthroid & with a round of Clomid, was pregnant the bext month. I believe that because my thyroid levels are normal (I still take Synthroid) this is why baby #2 was so easy to conceive. My point is that doctors are not always right & there's nothing wrong with questioning the care you receive instead of blindly going along with whatever your doctor says.

I understand where you are coming from but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the women who freak out because they don't get a drs appt until 8-10 weeks and ask around the boards if they should push for one sooner. I get that they're anxious, but I think their Drs know when to schedule patients. Or the girls that have spotting, get an u/s, everything is fine...but then question if their Drs are correct, even after they see a flickering heartbeat. Their Drs know better than we do, and every situation is different, so basing their experience solely on what internet strangers is ignorant. Seek a second PROFESSIONAL opinion if you still aren't sure.

I absolutely feel that their are times when it is right to question your dr--like in your case, or pp about a c-section that she didn't think she needed. I would absolutely question a c-section, so I don't blame pp for being a little more cautious this time around. And in your case, you sought a second opinion from another Dr---which is exactly what I'm saying these girls need to do, not ask for internet stranger advice. If someone doesn't trust what their Dr says, they need to go get a second opinion from a professional, not base it solely off the experiences of other women.

If someone is going to question every move made by their dr, it's going to make for a long pregnancy.

avalei · March 2011

While I agree to a degree with the OP, it's still extremely helpful to hear from others who are in the same position as you that they're feeling the same thing - or that their OBs said the same thing. Also, keep in mind that a great many of us haven't HAD a first appt with the OB yet, so have questions that we don't have anyone to answer.

As you said, the point of these pages is support. Sometimes the word of another pregnant woman carries more weight than a doctor who is realistically just as much of a stranger - and less easy to contact - than those here.

I agree with what's been said - if it bugs you, don't look.

For first time pregnant moms, who haven't told family/friends and so have no one they know to talk to, this board is a lifesaver. To hear from someone else who can tell you "it's normal" - or confirm what your OB told you, it's a huge stress relief!

MrsG.060708 · March 2011

NewzieMom:
You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.

I don't think I know everything because I know I don't. But seeing people question EVERY single thing their OB does shows no trust in their Dr. I'm not saying to blindly trust everything, but you need to some trust in the person that's going to deliver your child.

peanutboogie · March 2011

NewzieMom:
You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.

I don't think I know everything! And we all have our opinions! And if you do not trust your OB then get a new one!! I would never put my life and the life of my child in the hands of someone I did not trust!!

NewzieMom · March 2011

MrsG.060708:
NewzieMom:
You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.
I don't think I know everything because I know I don't. But seeing people question EVERY single thing their OB does shows no trust in their Dr. I'm not saying to blindly trust everything, but you need to some trust in the person that's going to deliver your child.

I agree if you dont trust your OB at all then you should look for another OB. Sometimes people are just posting to see if others are going through the same thing. If it annoys you then don't read it and I feel like you are constantly telling people what they should be doing or what they should not be worrying about.

NewzieMom · March 2011

peanutboogie:
NewzieMom:
You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.
I don't think I know everything! And we all have our opinions! And if you do not trust your OB then get a new one!! I would never put my life and the life of my child in the hands of someone I did not trust!!

Well duh why would you go to an OB you don't trust. But you should never trust them blindly...they are just human.

MrsG.060708 · March 2011

NewzieMom:
MrsG.060708:

NewzieMom:
You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.

I don't think I know everything because I know I don't. But seeing people question EVERY single thing their OB does shows no trust in their Dr. I'm not saying to blindly trust everything, but you need to some trust in the person that's going to deliver your child.

I agree if you dont trust your OB at all then you should look for another OB. Sometimes people are just posting to see if others are going through the same thing. If it annoys you then don't read it and I feel like you are constantly telling people what they should be doing or what they should not be worrying about.

Isn't that what everyone is doing who responds to those posts?

NewzieMom · March 2011

MrsG.060708:
NewzieMom:
MrsG.060708:

NewzieMom:
You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.
I don't think I know everything because I know I don't. But seeing people question EVERY single thing their OB does shows no trust in their Dr. I'm not saying to blindly trust everything, but you need to some trust in the person that's going to deliver your child.
I agree if you dont trust your OB at all then you should look for another OB. Sometimes people are just posting to see if others are going through the same thing. If it annoys you then don't read it and I feel like you are constantly telling people what they should be doing or what they should not be worrying about.
Isn't that what everyone is doing who responds to those posts?

True.

* yours usually just cones off alittle more know it allish.

jb2rn · March 2011

I agree, it seems like many people trust someone on a message board more than a physisican or midwife.

However, I have gained a lot of knowledge on here on questions to ask, what to push for, etc. So sometimes those with experience are helpful.

I do think it's scary that people would trust answers here MORE than their MD/NP/Midwive, though.

rachaelski · March 2011

If I were seeing an OB, I'd have a hard time trusting them, especially now after having spent time with my midwife. In two visits, we've spent a total of 3 hours with our midwife. She's getting to know me as a person, as well as my husband. OBs just cannot compare to that. That being said, OBs and midwifes have two very different focuses. What makes me most comfortable is the personal and individual experience, that my caretaker knows me as a person, not just a vessel. Whereas, someone who seeks out an OB is looking to have someone who is strong in the science and medicine. Both choices are equally valid.

A little off topic....

I think someone said it earlier, but when I was posting the same-ole questions early on, I was looking for companionship more than sound advice. If someone said something that made sense to me, I'd look it up to confirm.

AgWife83 · March 2011

allieatlanta:

I think it just comes out of impatience/wishful thinking...they are probably hoping that everyone will say "Oh my gosh, NO that is not normal that your appt is scheduled for 9 weeks...you need to get to go see your baby on an US right now!" because secretly, we all want to. I'm sure in the back of their minds, they know the OB probably knows what they're talking about

Plus, as a first timer myself, these boards have been helpful but they also just make me nervous! It can become an obsession reading about all of the things that can go wrong...I will be the first to say, I did not realize before I got preg that there would be so much worry associated with it. I know that is naive, lol...but I'm sure some of the other first timers are dealing with the same thing- and sometimes anxiety makes you do stupid things...like think you are smarter than trained medical professionals, lol.

Haha! I think you're really on to something there!

At least in reference to appointment scheduling and u/s scheduling, I do think that ladies should go with what their OB is doing - afterall, it is their business to take care of pregnant ladies. I'm pretty sure my Dr. has more experience with this than I do, haha. And if it's really important to someone that a Dr. gets you in at 6 weeks and does an u/s every few weeks, then find one that does.

shupertj09 · March 2011

During my first pregnancy, I was told multiple times by my doctor that the cramping and brown spotting I was having was completely normal. In fact the night before my miscarriage the on call doctor didn't even call me back when I called the emergency line...next day...again reassured nothing was wrong EVERYTHING was fine...that night I just couldn't shake that something was wrong...went to the ER, was exaimed, told I was "most likely having a m/c", went to the bathroom and LOST my baby.

Don't be quick to judge women who are worried about their pregnancies, there IS validity behind some of that anxiety...trust me, I've been there. We have to advocate for ourselves and for our babies...

katiebug66 · March 2011

What drives me crazy is when people are annoyed by certain posts when it is a message board, there is a freedom to ask any question. That's the point, isn't it? To talk about whatever is on your mind.

MrsOlson · March 2011

NewzieMom:
MrsG.060708:

NewzieMom:
You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.

I don't think I know everything because I know I don't. But seeing people question EVERY single thing their OB does shows no trust in their Dr. I'm not saying to blindly trust everything, but you need to some trust in the person that's going to deliver your child.

I agree if you dont trust your OB at all then you should look for another OB. Sometimes people are just posting to see if others are going through the same thing. If it annoys you then don't read it and I feel like you are constantly telling people what they should be doing or what they should not be worrying about.

This.

KateCollins11 · March 2011

MrsG.060708:
I'm not trying to be snarky, but it's starting to drive me nuts.

I don't know how many times I've seen girls come post here asking if it's normal for their first appt to be scheduled X number of weeks away, or they have some cramping/spotting and had an u/s and their OB said everything is fine...but they come here to ask our opinion.

We are not OBs. If your OB scheduled you at a certain time or said you were fine--TRUST THEM, not us (we're internet strangers!). If you don't trust your OB and you trust internet strangers more, get yourself a new OB stat.

ETA: Yes, I know this is a place "for support" and to get others experiences...but ask for that then...don't ask us if you should trust what your OB says. If you don't like/trust what they have to say, find another one for a second opinion.

AMEN!!!!! It's my first pregnancy and I certainly trust my doctor over internet strangers.

anniquious@yahoo.com · March 2011

I know I have an amazing OB. I trust everything she says over anyone else or any book. She has gotten to know me so well. I have shared both my darkest and brightest moments with her. She went through fertility issues herself and told me it got to a point she couldn't even go to her friend's baby showers. She called me to congratulate me when she found out that I was pregnant since she had been away for a week. Then she had me come in that same week for my first u/s so I didn't have to wait until the 29th. When I told her how much I appreciated all her help and that when she said "don't worry we'll get you pregnant" I knew I could count on her. I could not have wished for a better OB. I can't wait until Tuesday, when I have my second u/s and we sit down for 45 minutes to an hour with her to ask her all of our questions. I never see a nurse practitioner and she will be with me as she has been every step of the way. I can't imagine anyone else delivering my baby.

I say, if you don't trust your OB get another one....do you really want to put one of the most important experiences of your life in someone's hands who you don't fully trust?

waiting4Baby00 · March 2011

My OB office doesn't return my phome call and did not think it necessary to call me to tell me my blood work came back abnormal. I had to call my PCP.

Because of insurance, I do not have the luxury of switching doctors immediately.

I practice law, specifically medical malpractice defense work. I work with doctors all day long. They exercise their judgment in the confirnes of their patient load and dedication.

They are by no means perfect. I urge anyone who is concerned about something to consider asking for a second opinion.

marista99 · March 2011

armywife66:
What drives me crazy is when people are annoyed by certain posts when it is a message board, there is a freedom to ask any question. That's the point, isn't it? To talk about whatever is on your mind.

This.

MrsG.060708 · March 2011

marista99:
armywife66:
What drives me crazy is when people are annoyed by certain posts when it is a message board, there is a freedom to ask any question. That's the point, isn't it? To talk about whatever is on your mind.
This.

And that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm asking a question that's been on my mind. It just appears that there are a lot of girls who trust the opinions of internet strangers over their Drs and I wanted to know why.

MrsG.060708 · March 2011

MrsOlson:
NewzieMom:
MrsG.060708:

NewzieMom:
You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.

I don't think I know everything because I know I don't. But seeing people question EVERY single thing their OB does shows no trust in their Dr. I'm not saying to blindly trust everything, but you need to some trust in the person that's going to deliver your child.

I agree if you dont trust your OB at all then you should look for another OB. Sometimes people are just posting to see if others are going through the same thing. If it annoys you then don't read it and I feel like you are constantly telling people what they should be doing or what they should not be worrying about.

This.

Everyone who answers the threads about "Is this normal?" or "Should I be worried?" are doing the same exact thing. And I never once said that I know everything kid/baby related.

MrsG.060708 · March 2011

NewzieMom:
MrsG.060708:
NewzieMom:
MrsG.060708:

NewzieMom:
You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.

I don't think I know everything because I know I don't. But seeing people question EVERY single thing their OB does shows no trust in their Dr. I'm not saying to blindly trust everything, but you need to some trust in the person that's going to deliver your child.

I agree if you dont trust your OB at all then you should look for another OB. Sometimes people are just posting to see if others are going through the same thing. If it annoys you then don't read it and I feel like you are constantly telling people what they should be doing or what they should not be worrying about.

Isn't that what everyone is doing who responds to those posts?

True.

* yours usually just cones off alittle more know it allish.

I don't understand how I come off like that--I answer the question(s) simply and straightforward, as do others. There's no need to sugarcoat an answer. I have never once felt or acted like I know it all because I know I don't.

KateCollins11 · March 2011

NewzieMom:
You don't like it don't open the post. Not that hard. And you'd shouldn't blindly trust what your ob says. I am sick of second time moms thinking they know it all because they had one baby. Get over yourself you don't know all about everything pregnancy/baby related.

Confused

Come on. Really? This is my first pregnancy and I'm glad to have second time moms on this board because, well, they DO know more than I do and they have excellent advice. If you can't trust your OB, then get a new one...that just how i feel. No need to be snarky...

KateCollins11 · March 2011

Mrs.G, I appreciate your straightforward, un-sugarcoated answers.

rachaelski · March 2011

KateCollins11:
Mrs.G, I appreciate your straightforward, un-sugarcoated answers.

She's also very gracious when you are in disagreement with her. I felt like I crossed a good manners line a while back, and I sent her a message saying sorry. She was very clear that she thought I was not wrong by posting my opinion, we just weren't in agreement.

zebrastripes · March 2011

Well docs are human just like us and can be wrong. My doc was wrong with SOO many things with my first pregnancy and everyone had told me what a great doc she was. Docs screw up and we want to make sure they are not screwing up with our baby. If the majority of the group says their doc did something totally diff, that leads them to believe maybe their doc is doing something wrong.

Not to mention, there are those nights you are at home wondering about something your doc told you. Well, your doc is not going to like it if you call them up at midnight wondering why they are doing a certain something so you get online a post to see other's experiences. Knowing it is routine comforts you and you can go to sleep instead of worrying about it until you can talk to your doc. With my first pregnancy, I could not just call my doc whenever I wanted to. Even if I had a question during the time of clinic hours, the nurse or receptionist would normally answers my qs and did not put the doc on. So that meant I had to wait until my next docs visit to talk with her. That could be a month away so my point is, people may want to know an answer before the next visit.

Curiosity could also be the reason for asking. There are many reasons why people post qs when their doc said it was fine. No matter how much I like the doc and trust their advice, I never trust everything they say or tell me. They may be experts in the field but that doesn't mean they are always right.

Katie2006 · March 2011

So Im not gonna take a side because that is not what this is about... but being pregnant for the first time makes me a heck of a worry wort.... I love to come here and read and ask questions I enjoy talking to other first-timers and second time mom's. But not all the time should you go with what your Dr says, I say if you have a "gut" feeling about anything that has to do with your medical care if it is pregnancy related or not get other opnions and go to another Dr if you feel like you need to. Yes they went to med school but they are human and as humans we make mistakes. Heck I used to work in the ED (I am a nurse) and I would be the one telling the docs what the next step is when we would be working a major MI or code... its not that I am a know it all or that my co-workers are know it all's or that the doctors didn't know but that we had experience... to each is own