WWYD? Re Meet the babies.

JakesBride07 · March 2011

My shower is coming up and will more then likely the twins will still be in the NICU. I did not invite a lot of my dads family for various reasons the biggest being that it would be a lot of if I invite A then I have to invite B and and so on...by that point I would have added another 20+ to the guest list and I did not want to impose on the hostesses.

My mom would like to host a Meet The Babies type thing for my Dads children (much older) and their older kids. The babies will most likely miss RSV season by their discharge date, and we won't have to worry about it until the fall.

So my question is would it be safe to plan something like this for mid June or so?

I also worry about timing their Baptism before RSV season hits again.

lemen99 · March 2011

I'm not sure if I fully understand the question - you are saying that since you can't bring the babies to the shower, you are having a party later on for your family to meet your twins?

I think it depends on big the party is, how old everyone is, and how much you think they would listen to rules as far as hand washing, not coming if they are sick, etc.

I think it's doable if you keep it smallish and do it in mid-June (and I wouldn't have any young kids there) but I think I would be pretty nervous.

Andrew (26weeker) was released at the end of April (end of RSV season) and we had his baptism in August. We did immediate family only (we have no kids in our family except my 14 yr old sister) which was about a dozen people and I was still really nervous. Part of that is because my grandma thinks she is immune from the rules because she's a great-grandma...she will run in and pick him up without washing hands, she kisses his fingers, it makes me cringe.

wishesforfish · March 2011

I saw your update. Congrats to both babes being on CPAP! I'm especially glad that Addison is doing well after her steroid treatment.

Re meeting the babies - I'm just a tad worried that the babies will only be a few weeks adjusted at that point. I know I'm going to sound like a debbie downer, but babies under 3 months, especially preemies, have a hard time dealing with illnesses. DD (who wasn't on supp O2 at all, just 21% CPAP for a couple weeks) caught a cold at 3 months adjusted and developed bronchiolitis. It wasn't RSV but the doc was 50-50 on admitting her. And the whole thing was nerve-wracking. I was constantly worried if she would stop breathing in her sleep. Thankfully it only lasted a few days.

Like PP said, imho I would do it if your relatives are respectful of the rules you lay down. Handwashing once you get in the door, have hand sanitizer ready, no sick visitors, wear a mask if they were exposed to someone sick. Maybe a mass email or letter stating your reasons why you need to take precautions. Highlight that your babies have already been through a lot, have weak lungs, getting sick means readmission to hospital, etc.

There's no reason why the adults can't have a nice get together in one room if the babies are mostly kept in another, and "brought out" to show the family.

I know it SOUNDS crazy, but having to deal with being anal-retentive is better than rushing to the children's emergency late at night and then possible admission to the children's ward. My opinion, of course.

JoJoGee · March 2011

I also don't want to be a debie downer, but you might want to consider that your babies may not be home by mid June. I see that their estimated due date was mid to late May, and while many preemies due come home around their due date, others do not. My DD has had a fairly uneventful nicu stay. Even with her transfer and airway issues, my DH, nurses and I still thought she would be home by the first week of April, until we reached mid March. Now, we are looking at a discharge date somewhere within the first two weeks of may. I guess I am just cautioning that you can't predict the future and you dont know what other complications lie ahead.

ETA: Apparently, posting from my phone also means I can't spell. Edited for grammer and spelling.

luvdv8 · March 2011

It really does depend on your family and how well they listen. I was talking to another preemie mom who was bringing her baby to her shower (since she had him before). Her host was kind enough to make all new invitations, from baby, to his "coming home" party. In it she placed a "loving guest" contract- she wrote out the rules that the mother wanted everyone to abide by in a very nice way (written from baby), stating that only the most special people in his life were invited due to his condition and that he needed everyone to be aware of what they needed to do to help protect him. Apparently the wording was really well done and the "contract" was the RSVP. While the mother knew she risked offending some people, she was surprised by all the loving responses that came back with the contract and how thankful the guests were to know the boundaries in advance. Obviously, how this would be received varies from family to family, but it seemed to work for her.

Lilystar82 · March 2011

I'm going to honestly tell you that for the first month/ 6 weeks the babies were home, we were still trying to get our feet under us. We were getting to know them in a home setting, and figure out our place as full time parents without monitors and doctors and nurses. It was stressful, there were days I didnt shower or eat. I could never have had people over sheerly for that fact. (I am also a germ worrywart - but everyone else has covered that.) My personal opinon would be to wait until you have your feet under you and germs aren't such a concern.

cara-n-steve · March 2011

Honestly, I wouldn't. Even if they are home by then you probably want to have them around the least amount of people as you can. When we were discharged, the Dr. told us to keep them from being exposed to a lot of people, especially group gatherings for at least six months after discharge to keep them protected. Something as little as a cold could send them right back to the hospital.

JakesBride07 · March 2011

Thank you all for the input. I was feeling a little crazy for having reservations about doing something like that. And you all bring good points to consider. Sometimes I feel I i am being overly cautious but I know I can never be too cautious with my babies given their situation.

lemen99 · March 2011

NP. It's really hard to know what's best sometimes. Andrew is 2 yrs old and I still have self-conflicting thoughts when signing him up for activities etc and wondering if I should take him.

miafromab · March 2011

I am a "negative Nelly". I didnt read what others posted so I am sure I am just repeating.

I want to say so far your babes have beat the odds that have been thrown their way not to metion they are so precious. Very prematures/boarderline micropreemies are on the NICU rollercoaster for they long haul. They are also on the ride that usually has bigger ups and downs. That being said they are more unpredictable past a few weeks at a time maybe. Our biggest "take home message" from our micropreemie NICU experience was "ONE DAY AT A TIME". Does this mean dont ever make plans or have excitement about something to look forward to in the future...no, it just means the future make take longer to be what you had looked forward to or sadly sometimes it may not be what you thought at all (lets hope for the 1st and it is better than you were palnning). That being said one or both the babes may still be in the hossy, one or both the babes may be on oxygen (which means dragging a long hose, monitor, tank around), one or both babes may be on a feeding tube or have special feeding schedule and that is almost too much to deal with somedays. add entertaining and exhaustion to that and maybe the party is not the best idea. BUT it is so nice to have one offered we actually did do a welcome home but at someone elses house with 6 guests.

I also wanted to caution about cooties. RSV is a winter virus but plenty of summer viruses hang around. What may be a cold or nothing in a healthy adult/child can put a preemie with previous/continuing lung issues into the hossy.

I say maybe agree to have a welcome babes party BUT dont set a date now set one in a couple of months.

I am sorry if i am a downer and I really want your babes and all babes to do better than anyone ever predicted but sometimes it just doesnt go that way.

kaylaaimee · March 2011

I had thought we'd do the same thing but your hospital will give you quarantine orders and ours meant no welcome home party!

Scarlette will have to be quarantined at home for 8 weeks- and then it's minimal exposure for the first year. Immediate family and very close friends only, none of the cousins and they don't even want anyone but grandparents holding her outside of Jeff and I for the first few months.We can't even take her to the grocery store with us for the first year and I'm pretty sure I'll be sitting home with her at Christmas b/c she can't be around all of the toddler cousins

It's the tough part of being a preemie parent, you want everyone to meet your little one and they just can't. Honestly, I would play it extra safe and not risk the party. Maybe you could have two separate showers before they come home?

ootmother2 · March 2011

My DD was a 27 weeker and came home on her due date.

My baby shower was two weeks after that and I did bring her along but it was all adults. I didn't allow any children (my nieces and nephews) hold her without wearing a surgical mask.

Overkill? Perhaps but after 91 days in NICU, I wasn't taking any chances

str8ota · March 2011

When we knew we were out of the woods my shower was planned a week before DD came home. I did not want her at the shower because to me it just wasn't worth the risk and I knew once she was home that the thought of going to a shower and then bringing all the gifts home, cleaning and organizing them while taking care of her was just too much. I know it's so hard after being in the hospital for so long but I would rather be a little bummed out for not having her around people then feeling horrible for her going back to the hospital because I exposed her to people.

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