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I don't know if I wanna be a Mum...

sheyscoronasheyscorona member
in Postpartum Depression

Hi,

I just need somewheres to vent some things I am thinking...

I had my little one Saturday (5 days ago) after a surprize pregnancy.  I am married and I have a very loving and supportive husband...

We had previously discussed not having children, but were off and on about it.  And when we decided to wait, bam I got pregnant.

 I did not enjoy pregnancy, and the loss of freedom that comes with it.

Anyways .... my husband has been home the last couple days only having to work for an hour or two here and there, hes at a meeting right now.  And I just have this OVERWELMING sense of panic, and anxiety. I have changed my life forever by bringing another human being into this world, and I am a selfish person...  I really don't know if I want to be a Mum (but its too late for that now)  But thats the thought that keeps going through my head... I dunno if I want to be a Mum...  My husband on the other hand is a natural...  

I dunno.. I feel awful for having this thought and maybe its a mix of depression, and the fact that I assumed (wrongly) that once I was no longer pregnant my life would go back to normal, I would just have a baby to take with me everywhere.  HA this is not the case... Okay I just needed to vent ...   

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Re: I don't know if I wanna be a Mum...

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    posvaneposvane

    I think there is this idea that you have to fulfill a role from the second after birth. Sometimes, it's a learned process though. It's nice that your DH is a natural. That definitely helps you. I'd talk to someone about the panic and anxiety. I had MAJOR anxiety with DD1. I went on a low dose of meds and I was a much better person for it. And, I have an appointent with my Dr. tomorrow to get back on them as I go in and out of depression/tears/happiness.

    It's a rough road that took 10 months to travel. You do need to give yourself some time since your homones have basically bottomed out. Plus - and this has happened twice almost to the hour (and the nurses and I talked at length about it) that by day 3, women get the blues and can cry at anything. I cried because DH opened the wondow in my hospital room. And I just lept crying. So, it is normal to be upset.

    I'd definitely talk to someone though. And give your relationship with your new LO some time. You'll get there.

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    laffieslaffies

    Okay I have to jump in here because I felt the EXACT same way

    Our daughter was not planned, and we hadn't yet decided whether we wanted kids.  Unlike you, I did have a pretty easy pregnancy, but I was hit HARD in the weeks following her birth.

    I didn't want to be a mum.  Exactly that.  I didn't want to lose my freedom, to have her attached to my boob all the time.  I missed my husband, I missed my long walks with my dog, I missed being alone.

    I didn't want to hold her, to feed her, or listen to her cry.  I cried every single day because I felt like the world's most heinous person.  I loved her, I just didn't like her very much.

     

    PLEASE know that it gets better.  Not everyone bonds right away.  It took me almost three weeks before I got that "mother rush of love" that everyone talks about.

    My husband was a natural as well, and that kind of made it worse in a way.  I mean, if he could do it, why couldn't I? 

    We're now 8 months in, and I wouldn't trade her for all the money in the world.

    What you're feeling is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. 

    HUG

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    alamo10alamo10

    I also felt the same way.

    I didn't want kids and I got pregnant at 18. My boyfriend left me when I was 4 months and I had a horrible pregnancy (bedrest for 2 months, in and out of the hospital etc.) So here I am doing it by myself and to be honest I hate that I don't have any freedom. I also thought it would be easier like I could just take her places with me, but thats not how things are. I cannot take her anywhere because she throws a fit and she overall is a really fussy baby.

    But I can honestly say that things have gotten better. My first month I didn't want to be around her but now I do. I still don't have freedom but that is something I'll have to get over. But things will get better, just give it time.

    Hope you feel better soon.

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    sheyscoronasheyscorona member
    imagelaffies:

    Okay I have to jump in here because I felt the EXACT same way

    Our daughter was not planned, and we hadn't yet decided whether we wanted kids.  Unlike you, I did have a pretty easy pregnancy, but I was hit HARD in the weeks following her birth.

    I didn't want to be a mum.  Exactly that.  I didn't want to lose my freedom, to have her attached to my boob all the time.  I missed my husband, I missed my long walks with my dog, I missed being alone.

    I didn't want to hold her, to feed her, or listen to her cry.  I cried every single day because I felt like the world's most heinous person.  I loved her, I just didn't like her very much.

     

    PLEASE know that it gets better.  Not everyone bonds right away.  It took me almost three weeks before I got that "mother rush of love" that everyone talks about.

    My husband was a natural as well, and that kind of made it worse in a way.  I mean, if he could do it, why couldn't I? 

    We're now 8 months in, and I wouldn't trade her for all the money in the world.

    What you're feeling is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. 

    HUG

     

    All of THIS, thank you so much, this makes me cry... to know someone else feels/felt like I do.  Its always nice to be 'normal'.  <3  Thank you  

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    laffieslaffies
    imagesheyscorona:
    imagelaffies:

    Okay I have to jump in here because I felt the EXACT same way

    Our daughter was not planned, and we hadn't yet decided whether we wanted kids.  Unlike you, I did have a pretty easy pregnancy, but I was hit HARD in the weeks following her birth.

    I didn't want to be a mum.  Exactly that.  I didn't want to lose my freedom, to have her attached to my boob all the time.  I missed my husband, I missed my long walks with my dog, I missed being alone.

    I didn't want to hold her, to feed her, or listen to her cry.  I cried every single day because I felt like the world's most heinous person.  I loved her, I just didn't like her very much.

     

    PLEASE know that it gets better.  Not everyone bonds right away.  It took me almost three weeks before I got that "mother rush of love" that everyone talks about.

    My husband was a natural as well, and that kind of made it worse in a way.  I mean, if he could do it, why couldn't I? 

    We're now 8 months in, and I wouldn't trade her for all the money in the world.

    What you're feeling is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. 

    HUG

    .

    All of THIS, thank you so much, this makes me cry... to know someone else feels/felt like I do.  Its always nice to be 'normal'.  <3  Thank you  

     You are very welcome!  I'll be thinking of you and rooting for you!  Give yourself a pat on the back.  Motherhood is HARD, and you're doing it.  And I'll bet a million bucks that you're doing a great job
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