slight disppointment - gulit - healthy baby most important

ambracken · March 2011

Anyone else go through that?? We went on Monday for the 20 wk scan and found out it's a girl! she looks to be healthy and right on with the measurements. For that, we could not have been happier. A healthy baby is all that matters. I will admit I was a little disappointed that it wasn't a boy. My husband said he was a little disappointed at first, but as long as the baby is healthy and has 10 fingers and 10 toes, it doesn't really matter. AND HE IS RIGHT. My previous pregnancy resulted in a m/c at 6 weeks, so I'm just happy that we are able to have a baby. With all that being said, I know that when she arrives, it wont matter and I will love her more than anything because it is our baby, but has anyone else felt disappointed at first and then guilty for feeling that way when you had your hopes up for a particular gender? Besides me always wanting a boy since I was young, I thought it would be great for my DH to have a son to do guy stuff with and play ball and pass along all his 'guy' stuff like baseball cards and things like that one day...I guess he can still do all those things with a little girl and they will have a special daddy/daughter bond. I'm starting to warm up to the idea of a girl. And we can always try for #2 in the next 2 years or so! Just seeing if anyone else felt this way and how they coped...not looking for any negative comments...(lol). I'm not ungrateful. I will love this baby will all my being regardless because she is mine!! Just looking for encouragement from mommy to mommy.

KatieRL1979 · March 2011

Personally I'm proud of you for admitting it. There's nothing wrong with hoping for one thing or another. Everyone knows that ultimately we are happy with whatever we are given, but I don't think there is anything wrong with hoping for a boy or a girl and feeling bummed you didn't get your first choice. Think of it this way, you can always blame your DH since it's his little swimmers that determine gender

Ceridwen21 · March 2011

I know that I will be a bit sad if I find out it's a boy. I'll probably shed a tear or two (we're only planning on having one) but I'll get over it.

No sense in feeling guilty. They're your feelings and you're allowed to feel them!

momtoRaegan041008 · March 2011

You will love having a girl! We wanted a girl the first time and were hoping for a boy the 2nd. When the u/s tech said it was girl, I'm not going to lie, I was a little upset. Then we found out that the baby has some other issues and it didn't even matter anymore to me. I felt so guilty that I shed a tear that it was another girl. , even though it's a 50/50 chance. I just a healthy baby to be born. After getting over everything and finding out the baby will be just fine, I cannot wait to have another girl. I have 3 nephews so when I want my little boy fix, we will just invite them over! My husband is excited. We have been buying some really cute clothes (even though we have 15 bins in the garage filled with girl clothes).

sary114 · March 2011

We were both sure we were having a girl. So at our first ultrasound we found out that not only was I not as far along as originally thought, but also that it was a boy. I did cry that night because I was so sure she'd be wearing my old baby dresses and I'd be seeing pink.

It took some getting used to and then I cried for another day because I felt so guilty that I was disappointed. Like I was already a horrible mother.

Now that I am used to it, I am excited for our little son. And I love him oh so much.

Just let yourself feel what you feel. It's just an adjustment and you know you'll love that baby no matter what!

Traycee1242 · March 2011

It's absolutely completely normal. I think many people feel that way and it's toy ally OK. If this baby is a boy I won't love him any less just because I'm hoping for a girl this time around....

aliciabee · March 2011

I wasn't disappointed when I found out we were having a girl, but I did feel slightly sad for DH. We have a 4 year old niece and he loves her to pieces, and is amazing with her so I know he'll be fine with a daughter, but he is such a huge sports guy, and I know he wants a son so bad so he coach some football and stuff. But I'm over it now obviously, we love her already! DH actually said, hey I'll go up to five kids, if by then I don't have a son, we'll stop....if he thinks that's happening, I'm outta here! Wink

Saltina11 · March 2011

You are allowed to have a preference! I never understand when people get negative and holier than thou about having a preference. I'm sure you will be so excited to have that baby in your arms in a few months. You have plenty of time to adjust your expectations. That being said, I've never had a pregnancy loss and those are usually the people that flame the gender disappointment posters.

TheFannins729 · March 2011

its totally normal to feel that way. i once heard someone say that you aren't sad over the sex of your baby, but at the loss of experiencing the other. i thought that was a good way of putting it.

MeghanS6 · March 2011

Wow! I feel like I could have written this post myself. We just got back from our ultrasound and I'm so excited the baby is healthy but I was a little disappointed we are having a girl. I thought for sure it would be a boy. Plus the fact our family is overflowing with girls. My DH has three nieces.

We love our babies regardless. I really just think it is the shock of thinking one way and now we have to transition to thinking another. Good luck!

LaceD10 · March 2011

Don't feel guilty about having a preference. I sure do. I've always had my heart set on a girl. I have 2 sisters, a niece, etc. I'm just used to girls. Plus I want my niece to have a little girl cousin to play with. BUT, if I have a boy, it will be a great adventure and obviously I will love him just as much as I would a girl. And I kind of like the idea of having a momma's boy, ha ha.

finally2006 · March 2011

I think what you are feeling is totally normal! Your life is very different depending on the sex of your child. You will have different activities and experiences. it annoys me to no end when people try to make feel others guilty for having these preferences. I would bet most moms feel at least a little sway towards one or the other.

I was hoping for a boy with this pregnancy mostly for my DH. And so when she said girl, I was sad for him. He will never get to have a son and since he is my best friend, I felt what he might be feeling and I actually had to hold back a tear at the ultrasound! lol. But I was happy for ME because I love my sister and I know I will love having two girls.

So I really hope no one comes on here and tells you your feelings are not valid. Hugs!

islandgirl79 · March 2011

TheFannins729:
its totally normal to feel that way. i once heard someone say that you aren't sad over the sex of your baby, but at the loss of experiencing the other. i thought that was a good way of putting it.

I like that too. I am hoping for a girl, not for the pink and dresses,but because I want a daughter....someone to stick by me and be close to when I am older.

Ryan&Kristin062009 · March 2011

I think its normal for some people to feel this way.. sometimes people have expectations and thats fine. I am sure you will "warm up" to the idea of a daughter and be great parents

Who knows, she may be a tom boy

JrsGurl1823 · March 2011

You truly arent alone at all! We find out in two weeks what we are having and i am soooo incredibly nervous. we are really hoping for a boy, we already have a daughter and i cant have anymore after this one d/t complications ) : i know it sounds horrible but i too will be disappointed if we dont get a boy!

itsmevkb · March 2011

I don't understand saying "A healthy baby is all that matters" and then going on to discuss how you are disappointed.

I've honestly never had a preference and now that I have a boy and a girl I can honestly say that you just love them and it has nothing to do with them being boys or girls.

I'm sure that since you realize how lucky you are to be having a healthy baby that these feelings will pass quickly.

Mrs. Alice · March 2011

I am a little worried that my DH will be disappointed if we are having girls. He already has one daughter from his first marriage, so this would make 3! I know he will be happy either way and "get over it" quick. Since we started TTC he's always expressed a strong preference to have a son. I also know if it's girls, he will want to try again for a boy in the future. He said if by then we don't get a boy, then we are done. I think your feelings are completely normal and you seem to have a healthy attitude about it.

jhaviland · March 2011

You are so not alone! I had the same reaction when we found out our little one will be a boy. Now that it has really set in I am very excited to be having a boy so just give it some time. I was really beating my self up for feeling this way too. Don't listen to the negative comments. These are your feelings and you have just as much right to feel this way as they do for not understanding.

ERINPETERSON · March 2011

I think it is normal to be a little bummed as long as its not true disappointment. I wanted a girl but we're having a boy. When our Ultrasound tech told us the gender I laughed and said I knew it! I was so excited so was DH we had a fun little bet going on the gender DH picked boy I picked girl

Its a normal thought as long as you do not obsess over it. Congrats to you though!!!!!

mabma80 · March 2011

FOr our first, I was so HAPPY that it was a boy! The second I was sure it was a girl, but it was another boy. A little bummed about it (DH was thrilled), but he's 2 yrs old now and couldn't imagine him not being here. We are expecting our third baby, and DH and everybody else is convinced it's a girl. I'm not saying anything because I wont let myself it is one or the other. It is was it was meant to be and I'll just be happy to have our final little bundle here. I think I'm more excited for my boys to interact with the newbie. : )

tuluwen · March 2011

I wanted a little girl and found out yesterday I'm having a boy. I know how you feel, but I have really worked on the positives, and I'm getting SO excited for little Elijah Daniel to get here!! Hang in there, it will get better. Smile

Daisharain · March 2011

When I was pregnant with my first, my husband at the time, and his family wanted to me to have boy so badly. His family had 9 girls, no boys for grandchildren. So the pressure was on. We chose not to find out the sex, so when she came out a girl he was just so happy to see her it didn't matter. Well then I divorced and have sole custody, I was in a long term relationship and again pregnant-And again the pressure was on me to give birth to a boy, since the father was the only boy in his family and the only one to pass on the "family name" Again I did not find out the sex and we had a girl.

Well I left that relationship when my 2nd daughter was almost 3. I lived on my own with my girls and was so thankful God had choosen to bless me with them. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Now I am with the love of my life and we are expecting, we are not going to find out the sex-and quite honestly I am just going to trust that God will give us what we can handle. If he thinks we can handle another girl then bring it on! If not, and we have a boy-well I guess I am going to have to learn some "boy" things and not just hair and fashion Wink

MrsGo4Hockeychick · March 2011

I have zero sympathy for someone who feels they need to "cope" because their baby is the "wrong gender".

It's no different than a 16 year old spoiled brat whining about their brand new BMW being the wrong color.

kim1989 · March 2011

I don?t know the gender yet but we?ve talked so much about wanting a baby girl that I?m going to feel so guilty if it turns out to be a boy (and admitedly slightly disappointed). But you?re completely right, even though you?re not getting what you hoped for, the health and happiness of the baby is by far the most important thing

fancefpp · March 2011

i probably would have felt the same way if i was having a girl. I really wanted a boy, but i knew once the baby was here, i would be so happy to have him/her in my life.

dakota01 · March 2011

I have two boys and this is our last child. I am hoping for a girl, time for someone to join my court! But, I will be happy with another boy I love my boys and the destruction they bring. I'll just have to hope for a little niece to spoil in pink and tutus!

MrsM1113 · March 2011

MrsGo4Hockeychick:
I have zero sympathy for someone who feels they need to "cope" because their baby is the "wrong gender".
It's no different than a 16 year old spoiled brat whining about their brand new BMW being the wrong color.

Whatever... there is a huge difference between a material object, and recognizing that you may not be able to experience certain things, especially when you've dreamed and longed for them.

Would I be happy with another boy? Yes, and I would love that child with all my heart. Does that mean I won't be slightly disappointed when we find out? No. I've always wanted to have at least one of each gender. That doesn't make me a bad person, or selfish. It makes me human, and frankly, normal.

Btw, she never said she needed to "cope". She expressed a normal, valid feeling, and even said she felt guilty about it.... why try and make her feel even guiltier?

krissywags · March 2011

I am kind of worried about this myself. Both DH and I want a boy... I had older brothers and I just like the "older brother theory" as well as the fact that I am more tomboy than girly girl. We have our anatomy scan in exactly two weeks and I have had dreams that the u/s tech wrote "BOY" across the screen and that I was giving birth to twin girls (definitely not having twins). I don't know what to think anymore but I know however the initial feeling, we are just happy to be having a baby.

Enami · March 2011

When we first found out about our alien, I was so hoping for a girl. I've got two younger brothers, one significantly younger, and mostly boy cousins. I've seen and been around boys in every stage of life. I'm sick of little boy things. I haven't been around any little girl things since I was little, and I'd like to experience that from the parent's perspective. And when I realized that's what I wanted, I got over wanting the girl so bad. I just want a kid to be a parent to. And if it's a boy, well, my parent's house is overflowing with boy stuff from ages newborn to 19 y.o. I just want this baby to get here.

KristinaIsAGeek · March 2011

I feel the same way you do, so you're not alone. I have my gender U/S tomorrow, and I'm heavily hoping for a boy. I've never been a "girly" girl, most of my friends have always been boys and I've always been a tomboy, so the idea of a girl is just very foreign to me. Also, I just want to have my boy first, so that I can be sure that I will at all. Who knows? There are people with numerous children of all one gender, and I've always wanted a son (so I'll be happy with just one!)

I've taken a lot of time, however, to get used to the idea of it being a girl, if that's the way it turns out. FI and his parents are hoping for a girl, so I could at the very least be happy for him and his family, and know that we can try again in the future.

So FWIW, your feelings are valid. People will always try and cut you down for feeling the way that you do, and I don't think it's fair. Pregnancy is a rough, emotional time of your life anyway, and no one's perfect (so no one can judge).

BryelleSullivan · March 2011

i can see how it would bother people on there 2nd or 3rd child b/c naturally everyone wants a mix of gender in the house but it didnt bother us we tried for way too long to be picky LOL!

ally2011 · March 2011

Ceridwen21:

I know that I will be a bit sad if I find out it's a boy. I'll probably shed a tear or two (we're only planning on having one) but I'll get over it.

No sense in feeling guilty. They're your feelings and you're allowed to feel them!

If it is a boy, maybe you and OP can switch? Kidding Big Smile

Stellar1 · March 2011

You're allowed to have feelings. With that said, when I was pregnant with DD, I knew all along it was a girl. I had always thought growing up and before we started ttc that I would want a boy first. Like what would I do with a girl. I had a m/c before I got pregnant with DD so when I got pg again, all we really wanted was a healthy baby. When DH found out it was a girl, I think he was in shock. Let me just tell you that he LOVESSSSSSSSSSSSSS having a daughter. It is so cute to watch them together and the relationship they have. I wasn't close with my dad growing up so I am so happy that DD has her dad as a part of her life.
Now that I'm having a boy, DH is probably happier for me that I will have a mommy's boy :-).

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